


Reassessment

by Missyhissy3



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:19:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 45,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24686764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missyhissy3/pseuds/Missyhissy3
Summary: "If you don't take what's already yours soon, I happen to know you'll live to regret it."JC story, featuring other members of the crew at various points. Starts during 'Fair Haven', Season 6
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 32
Kudos: 94





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on ffn in May 2014
> 
> I'm slowly posting some of my old stories to AO3 for safekeeping. 
> 
> Original AN: Disclaimer: Paramount clearly owns all the characters. Certain chapters contain references to Isabo's Shirt, by Kirsten Beyer, in Distant Shores, and later chapters contain spoilers for the Voyager relaunch novels by Christie Golden and Kirsten Beyer. Thank you to northernexposure for her beta reading skills. Any mistakes are me messing with it afterwards. And thank you to HalfjeFijnVolkoren for her wonderful story 'Present Bearings' which partly inspired this story. It's in my favourites list on ffn, I really recommend it.
> 
> Set During 'Fair Haven', Season 6; Probably been done before…but here goes…

First Officer's quarters: 00.15 hrs

Something had woken him up.

A noise probably. His night-owl captain dropping something next door? His alarm malfunctioning? He wasn't sure but whatever the sound was, it had stopped, so he shifted and took a deep breath to settle back to sleep.

Immediately he tensed. He could sense someone lying next to him in his bed. His eyes snapped open and he pulled himself up onto his elbows to peer through the darkness at the person sleeping peacefully next to him. Someone lying on their back, snoring lightly. A large someone.

He hadn't woken up next to anyone in almost six years - unless he were to believe his own handwritten account of three nights he'd spent with a woman called Kellin last year, none of which he could actually remember - so this was something of a shock.

Desperately, he searched his memory for answers. What the hell had he been doing last night? Nothing, as usual.

"Computer, lights!" he called and quickly slipped out of bed, keeping his eyes fixed on the sleeping figure.

The moment he spoke, the man, yes, it was a man, startled. In a split second the intruder was on his feet on the other side of the bed, stark naked and obviously disorientated, looking wildly around the room.

As an involuntary expletive issued from Chakotay's lips, his stalled brain registered exactly the same word coming from the mouth of the man standing opposite him.

Hardly surprising really.

xxx

Holodeck 00.32 hrs

"There's no point in waiting any longer, is there?" he asked.

"Oh, I think I've waited long enough," came her dusky response.

Her communicator chirped,

_"Chakotay to Janeway"_

"Computer, freeze programme…Damn."

The Captain stepped out of the holographic arms that were encircling her and sighed as she activated her communicator, trying her best to keep the irritation out of her voice.

"Janeway here, what is it Commander?"

_"We've got a... situation. You're needed in sickbay immediately."_

"Oh? What's happened? "

_"You'd better see this one for yourself."_

"You sound flustered; are you all right?"

_"Yes, Captain; in fact I'd go as far as to say that I'm feeling twice the man I was earlier."_

"Well… Glad to hear it. I'll need five minutes to change. I presume you can keep whatever it is under control for that long?"

_"Yes, I think so. Chakotay out."_

"No peace for the wicked it seems," she muttered into the silence of the holodeck.

Before she spoke again, she took one last look at the figure of Michael Sullivan, his eyes closed and his lips slightly parted, his face frozen in anticipation of their first kiss.

"Computer, end programme."

[TBC]


	2. Chapter 2

Janeway was still adjusting her uniform jacket slightly as she walked into sickbay to see Chakotay leaning against a biobed, his back to the door, dressed in what she presumed was sleep wear - a rather baggy t-shirt and some knee-length shorts. He turned as he heard the door activate and locked eyes with her.

Something was off. He didn't look right. He didn't look at her right.

_Funny, he was cheerful enough over the comm a minute a go, even cracked a joke, of sorts… hadn't realised he'd meant that he himself was the emergency._

In the split second it took her to make the mental adjustment necessary to deal with the situation, she noticed that he'd had his hair cut much shorter. She frowned as the once familiar flecks of grey in it caught her eye.

Just as she was about to ask him what was going on, she heard voices in the Doctor's office. She looked across through the glass panel to see the physician bent over the monitor deep in conversation with… Chakotay.

Another Chakotay, in uniform and seated in front of the monitor, looking exactly as he had when she'd left him on the bridge earlier. She shook her head to one side slightly and blew a breath out through her nose as the penny dropped. _Him and his twisted sense of humour!_

After looking between the two men once more, she moved into the centre of the room and announced her presence, enunciating clearly, "Would someone care to explain?"

She was very much aware of the Chakotay who had now moved around to stand at the foot of the biobed, watching her with an uncharacteristically penetrating and unreadable gaze. She suddenly felt very uncomfortable. He said nothing, but continued to watch her.

"Captain," the Doctor leant back to address her through the office doorway, "the Commander just brought his surprise house guest in for a check-up."

"If this is some sort of practical joke, I'm really not in the mood," she replied as she joined them in the office.

She moved to stand behind the man seated at the monitor - the man her brain had already classified as 'her' Chakotay - and clamped her hand onto his shoulder, perhaps as much to check he was still his solid self as anything else.

"I'm afraid not, Captain." This Chakotay looked up to meet her gaze.

"OK, then, report!" Her eyes were drawn back to the man watching her every move from the other side of the glass window.

"I woke up just now to find him sleeping next to me in my bed," her first officer began.

Janeway felt her eyebrows rise up into her hairline as her imagination offered up a snapshot image of two Chakotays sitting up in bed, staring at each other.

Chakotay watched her, then continued. "He claims he doesn't know what happened either. Says he'd gone to bed in his cabin and then woke up here. His cabin on my Maquis ship, that is. I'm guessing you noticed he's not me. Not _now_ anyway."

The Doctor took over. "There's no doubt that he is the Commander, Captain. Every scan confirms it. Or rather he is _Captain_ Chakotay. He is approximately six years younger than the Commander here, but genetically identical in every other way - free of any trace of the numerous surgeries I've performed on the Commander since he joined your crew, obviously."

"So how on earth did he get here then?" Janeway asked, as she struggled to make any sense at all of what she was being told.

The Doctor went on, "I have no idea, Captain, and neither does he, if we are to believe his claims."

"Well that just isn't good enough!" she said, exasperated.

"Everything he's described about his life is consistent with the Commander's memories, so it would seem he is from the same timeline," the Doctor added.

"But that doesn't preclude the possibility that he's from some sort of an alternate dimension," Janeway interjected immediately.

"What makes you say that?" the physician asked.

"Well," Chakotay took over, "if the Captain is thinking what I'm thinking, we have to consider the fact that if he were from our timeline, his being here would surely have repercussions for me, now, at the very least. And more likely for all of us, surely. Given that nothing in our timeline has changed, or at least nothing that we are aware of, it seems likely there is another explanation."

"I see. So you think he is from an alternate dimension?"

"I'd say at the moment it's anyone's guess, Doctor," Janeway replied. "It's also possible his appearance here has nothing to do with anomalies in space-time, but everything to do with a certain omnipotent being we're all too familiar with, whose tricks aren't subject to the laws of temporal mechanics of us mere mortals. Perhaps this is his idea of a joke?"

"I can't see why I would interest Q, Captain," Chakotay put in. "If this were an earlier version of you, I'd be prepared to believe it was his handiwork. It would make more sense. "

"Well, until we have more information, let's stick to what the scans show. Doctor?"

"Very well; with the information we have at present, it appears he is the Commander's past self, or some sort of duplicate of his past self, from approximately one month before we were pulled into the Delta Quadrant."

Janeway let go of Chakotay, as she realised her grip on the first officer's shoulder had been gradually tightening as the Doctor's explanation had concluded without providing the answers she needed.

_Weird is part of the job, sure, but this… this was beyond weird._

She stepped back a fraction. One hand on her hip and the other gesticulating in the air, she addressed the Doctor again.

"We're going to need more of an answer than that. Is this some ship-wide phenomena? Has anyone else reported anything unusual this evening, Chakotay?"

"No, Captain. I've checked with Tuvok. Other than our visitor here, it's been an uneventful night. Nothing has changed with regard to the neutronic wave front that's still approaching, but I've obviously asked Tuvok to investigate the possibility it might be in some way responsible for the appearance of my 'friend' here. So far, he hasn't come up with anything."

Chakotay seemed remarkably calm about all this. Kathryn wondered how she would feel in his position. What would it be like to be looking through the glass at her past self? More than a little disturbing. Her mind was awash with questions.

"And how has he been? Is he struggling with this… this predicament? What do you make of him, Chakotay?"

Janeway looked from her Chakotay across to the other, and watched as the younger man rolled his shoulders and flexed his neck to one side; the gesture at once familiar and somehow not so familiar. He looked across at the three of them again with a steady, measuring gaze. If he was struggling, he was doing a damn good job of hiding it, although there was a tension in his movements that would only be apparent to someone who knew Chakotay as well as she did. He began to move around sickbay, always keeping one eye on them through the glass.

Having finished reading the data on the monitor that the Doctor had provided, Chakotay stood and faced her. "Aside from the initial shock, I'd say he seems to be taking it in his stride. He seems to be pretty suspicious of us. Understandably so, I guess."

"How much have you told him about where we are? About events since you… since you were him?" She was already sure that pronouns, possessives and tenses were going to be a minefield until this situation resolved itself.

"Just the bare minimum, given the temporal prime directive. I've explained how we found ourselves in the Delta Quadrant a few weeks after his present, and I've explained why my… or our … crew became part of yours, but that's all so far. It won't be long before he's going to want to know a lot more than that though - presuming he isn't whisked back to his own time at any minute."

"Maybe you should get Ayala or B'Elanna down here too, for some reassurance?" Kathryn suggested.

"That might be wise, later. For now, I think we should limit his exposure to the three of us."

"Well, I guess I should introduce myself, while we decide what on earth we're going to do with him."

As she made as if to leave the office, Chakotay quickly closed the space between them and put his hand on the small of her back to guide her gently back out of earshot of Captain Chakotay.

"One thing has occurred to me, Captain," said the Commander. "If our past experience is anything to go by, I would imagine our man-out-of-time will show up pretty soon on the Federation Timeship _Relativity'_ s sensors, if he hasn't already."

"Yes, I imagine he will. And they won't be impressed with me when he does. But this one _really_ isn't my doing." She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Alert Tuvok to scan for temporal anomalies and for any signs of chronoton flux. That's how we picked up on the presence of temporal security operatives last year."

"Already done."

"Good work."

Chakotay shifted uncomfortably and then looked directly at her as he spoke. "I don't think we can afford to rely on the timeship as a solution to this though. What if they don't come to take him back? We still need to plan for other eventualities."

Janeway nodded. "Agreed. So what would you have us do with him? I'm open to suggestions here."

Chakotay watched his counterpart through the glass. "I could assign him quarters for tonight and post security, then re-evaluate the situation if he's still here in the morning." He met her gaze again. "As much as you may have sometimes wanted to throw me in the brig, it doesn't really seem appropriate." He tugged on his earlobe and studied his boots before looking up again. "Although you could say I'm finding it hard to be objective here… I'm not sure how to gauge whether or not he poses a security risk."

Janeway searched his face. "With all due respect, I think I need to determine that for myself. And after I've assessed him, we'll need to get Tuvok down here."

There was a fraction of a pause during which Chakotay shot her a look that she found hard to read. Then he motioned for her to precede him out of the Doctor's office.

[TBC]


	3. Chapter 3

Captain Chakotay watched them as they came out of the office, and moved to meet them in the middle of the room. Janeway squared up to him, chin slightly raised, flanked by her first officer on one side and the Doctor on the other. Unarmed and outnumbered, the Maquis cell leader became aware of the added disadvantage he felt standing there in sleep wear in the face of these three immaculate uniforms. He pulled himself up to his full height.

"Captain Chakotay, I am Captain Kathryn Janeway. I understand the Commander and the Doctor have explained what we know of your situation to you."

"Yes. And it appears it isn't much," he replied coolly, as he wondered how she usually dealt with the unexpected. Because let's face it, he was certainly unexpected. He didn't get a rise out of her with his comment, but something in her eyes suggested it had registered on some level.

She continued. "Do you believe us, when we say that we haven't brought you here? That we aren't responsible for what's happened to you?"

He held her gaze, allowing a few seconds to elapse as he took in her confident, but unthreatening stance. His ears also needed time to accustom themselves to her distinctive voice, which had taken him by surprise the first time she'd spoken on entering the room a few minutes ago.

Then he replied evenly, "I know Starfleet Command would like to see me in prison, but I find it pretty hard to believe they'd go to the lengths of creating a deception as elaborate as this on my account. So, yes, I believe you."

She was a good-looking woman, probably about his age. Her petite, compactly elegant physique and her level of self-assurance were really something. Interesting as the captain of this ship was though, his eyes were drawn back once again to the Commander; to the new lines the six years that separated them had traced across the face of his future self.

Much as he hated to admit it, the Commander looked good in that uniform. Wore it with dignity. But the man looked worn somehow. It wasn't that he hadn't aged well, because in some obvious ways he had, it was more something in his expressions, in the way he held himself. This Commander from six years into the future looked very different from the man the Captain had seen reflected back at him the last time he'd had the luxury of looking in a mirror. It was hard to pinpoint exactly what it was that made him look so different, although he still couldn't even begin to imagine why he'd done that to his hair…

Janeway interrupted his train of thought.

"I'm relieved to hear that. Well, I guess I should welcome you aboard. I imagine this must be disorientating for you, to say the very least, but please be assured we'll do everything we can to find out how to get you back to your own time as soon as possible."

He acknowledged her assurances with a slight nod. "And in the mean time? Am I a prisoner here?"

Janeway exchanged a sideways look with her right-hand man. "No, you're not a prisoner, but I'm sure you'll understand that your… status is problematic for us in a number of ways, so we'll need to assign security to accompany you. And for now, I intend to restrict you to quarters until we have some more answers."

"And if you don't get any?" he asked.

"One step at a time, Captain," an identical rich baritone answered him evenly.

[TBC]


	4. Chapter 4

Chakotay pressed the door release and motioned for his younger self to precede him into the guest suite. Nodding acknowledgment to the two security officers taking up position outside, he followed the Captain in.

As he watched the Maquis cell leader assessing his new surroundings, Chakotay couldn't help but notice the clothes he'd leant his younger self didn't fit; both the t-shirt and the shorts were quite clearly too big and roomy. It was odd to see his hair greying again. He wondered for a split second why he'd decided to change it.

Then the Captain turned to face him. Chakotay felt immediately uncomfortable. It was time to make his excuses and leave in advance of the innumerable questions that were absolutely certain to come.

"So, how many of the crew are still alive?"

Suddenly his counterpart was in his face, firing questions at him at warp speed.

"People like Kurt and Mike, they'd make the adjustment. What roles did you assign them? Any of them allowed real responsibility here? But B'Elanna, hell, she must've struggled with being back in the 'fleet fold. Did she stay? Is she still here? And tell me how on earth you sold all this to _Seska_ … or to Dalby? And how did you sell people like Lon Suder to Janeway?"

Damn. He hadn't made his retreat fast enough. "Until we know how long you're going to be here, we think it's best to limit your exposure to information about this timeline to the bare essentials."

" _We_? You mean she thinks so."

"Yes, she does, and I agree with her."

"You answered my questions earlier without hesitation."

Chakotay could feel his younger self's frustration almost as acutely as if it were his own. Only centimeters separated their faces. He held his ground. "Yes, because you had to know a certain amount for obvious reasons, to know you're safe. And to a certain extent, I was probably still in shock. But that doesn't change the situation. If it turns out you're going to be with us for a while, I promise we'll reassess that decision."

Chakotay waited for the reaction he knew was coming.

The Captain turned away from him and paced the room, one fisted hand making rhythmical contact with the palm of his other hand as he punctuated each of his questions with the gesture."Have you had any contact with the Alpha Quadrant? Has Starfleet tried to find this ship? What's happened with the conflict? Does Starfleet Command know there are Maquis crewmembers on this ship now?"

Chakotay studied the carpet, unwilling to witness more of his counterpart's frustration."I can't tell you. Not yet, at least. You're just gonna have to deal with not knowing for now."

"Easy for you to say," his younger self growled, as he stalked up to the replicator. "Water, cold." He drained the glass immediately, and then seemed to centre himself a little more.

The nature of the dynamic between them was more than a little unfortunate. It was asking a lot of someone in the Captain's situation to accept such extreme constraints on the disclosure of information. To compound that, the fact it was Starfleet personnel who were withholding this crucial information would be something the Captain would find particularly hard to accept right now.

The first officer joined him next to the replicator and checked the settings. "There's enough replicator rations here to replicate any essentials you might need."

The younger man inclined his head almost imperceptibly in acknowledgment. Close up again, Chakotay could feel the tension rolling off him. Now the questions had ceased and Chakotay was free to observe, he discovered that it was strikingly unnerving to be standing so close to his former self. He shifted his weight and caught his counterpart observing him in the same way.

When considering what the Captain might immediately need for a overnight stay, the Commander had been reminded of the moment when the Maquis cell leader had first appeared; no boxers. Chakotay knew his own habits well enough to know that meant he hadn't gone to bed alone. He cast his mind back to one month before they encountered the caretaker's displacement wave. There were a number of possibilities.

"So who was she?" he asked quietly.

His counterpart shot him another sideways look; his mind probably searching for whatever it was he'd said or done since his arrival that could account for the direction of the question. He replied almost immediately.

"Why? Have there been so many since you were me that you can't remember them all from way back?"

Chakotay couldn't suppress a chuckle. "No. That wouldn't exactly be an accurate description of my life in last few years."

The Captain looked as if he didn't know what to make of that response.

"Seska."

"I see," Chakotay replied as his chuckle died a death. He realised the larger part of him had been desperately hoping it would be any other name. The Captain seemed intrigued by this reaction and Chakotay felt the younger man's piercing gaze on him again.

"Please tell me you're not _still_ …. _Surely_? Is she here? You know I didn't have those sorts of plans for her! Hell, don't even know why I'm explaining. You know exactly how I feel about her, don't you?"

"Look, like I said, we can't get into all that yet," Chakotay evaded, taking a step away from his counterpart, towards the door. "Sleep on it. I'll speak to the Captain again about how much we can tell you tomorrow, when we have a better idea of whether you're here to stay."

"What makes you think I'm going anywhere?"

"We've had some… unusual experiences here." Chakotay paused, taking a decision that there was one more thing that he should be at liberty to disclose; he would explain his reasoning for this to Kathryn later. "The Captain and another member of our crew had contact last year with a Federation Timeship. It's possible you'll appear on their temporal sensors, and if you do, you'll be… relocated, sent back immediately. I think it's only fair you know that much."

"Well I guess that's something. I need to get back. I can't imagine what's going on there while I'm here."

"I can understand that; I can't imagine either."

"So, that's it? You're really not going to tell me anything more?"

Chakotay sighed, torn. He desperately wanted to share more of his past – just enough to allow his counterpart to relax a little more until his fate was decided. But if he did start to go into detail, it was likely to create further problems here and now. His younger self would be shocked by some revelations, furious at others and saddened by the losses of good friends he had seen only yesterday. And then there was the whole question of the conflict and how it had ended. The Dominion's involvement, the Jem'Hadar, the massacre. There was no way he wanted to get into explaining all that right now. If he did try and impart some of the key facts, once he started, his younger self would stop at nothing to get _all_ the information he believed he needed. Chakotay knew he could stubborn, and he could remember enough of how it felt to be the man standing opposite him to know that he had been considerably more stubborn in the past.

He looked up again to meet the Captain's gaze. "Yes, I'm afraid so. That's it for tonight. Get some rest. I'll look in on you first thing in the morning. Just after 07.00hrs. I'll bring you some clothes. I still have some from the beginning of the journey. We'll get some breakfast."

The Captain nodded and Chakotay left him on his own between those four soulless Starfleet-grey walls.

[TBC]


	5. Chapter 5

Day 2 First Officer's quarters 06.30hrs

His chime sounded.

"Come in," he called as he emerged from his bathroom, adjusting the cuffs of his uniform to pull it into as comfortable a position as possible across his broad shoulders.

"Good morning." She approached and stopped, facing him, the small table between them.

He searched her face for clues as to the nature of the developments that had brought her here. "Good morning. Any news?" He turned towards the replicator and ordered them drinks.

"I'm afraid not." She accepted the coffee with a small smile. "None of the scans have revealed anything, we still have no idea how he got here, or how to return him. And there's nothing to connect any of this to the neutronic wavefront either. For now, it looks as if he's here to stay."

"I see," Chakotay replied. After a split second he realised that she was waiting on his cue to make herself comfortable, so he gestured with his free hand for her to precede him over to the low sofa under the viewport.

As they sat down, it occurred to him that one of the reasons his skills as host might be a little rusty was because it had been a very long time since Kathryn had been in his quarters; so long, in fact, that he couldn't actually remember when she'd last visited him here. The most powerful memory he had of her in here was the time when she had come to reinstate him, after the Equinox had exploded. He felt sure she must have spent some time in his quarters more recently, as almost six months has elapsed since that memorable evening, but he was damned if he could remember it if she had. Her quarters were the setting for the vast majority of their occasional off-duty interactions. He'd forgotten what it felt like, having her this far inside his personal space.

He was conscious of her astute gaze observing him as they both shifted slightly to make themselves comfortable cradling their drinks.

"We can't keep him confined to quarters much longer," she began, "so… I was wondering how you'd feel about spending the day with him today?"

"The plan being?"

"Well, as much as you could call it a plan," she went on, "I was thinking that you would be best placed to acquaint him with enough of the history of the last six years to allow him to use the ship's communal facilities and interact with the crew without causing problems."

"Of course," he nodded. "I'm the logical choice."

"Well, yes and no," she added cautiously, and he raised an eyebrow in response to her hesitation. "I don't doubt he'd find it easiest to hear certain things from you, but I wanted to ask whether you're sure you're comfortable being the one who guides him through this?"

Chakotay leant forward slightly, resting his elbows on his knees, and took a sip of his coffee before replying. "It certainly is an unusual experience, talking to him, interacting with him, but I agree that it makes sense for it to be me." He turned his head to connect with her measured gaze. "Unless you're still worried about my objectivity, that is."

"Not at all," came the immediate response. "I'm quite happy to leave him in your capable hands." She smiled her crooked smile at him. "I just wanted to say that I'm quite prepared to take this task on myself; it would be totally understandable if you'd prefer not to."

"I'll be fine, Kathryn."

"Well, if you're sure; because if you're not, I could try and turn it into an opportunity to gain his trust. So please don't feel like this is being forced upon you."

"I don't."

"Good. Because I think we need to be clear from the outset that he is no more your responsibility than he is anyone else's."

Chakotay paused for a moment to consider this. "I'm not sure if I feel responsible, but I certainly feel a connection to him. I think it would be remarkable if I didn't, given who he is."

Kathryn nodded in agreement and held his gaze for a moment longer. It was strangely unfamiliar and a little disconcerting to have all of her attention focussed on him, with no distractions whatsoever. It had been a while.

Eventually, with more than a hint of curiosity in her tone, she asked, "So what was it like, meeting him? Waking up with him in here? It must have been something of a shock for you." A small smirk lifted the corner of her mouth. "I'm finding the scene hard to picture, I must admit."

"It was pretty surreal." He grinned and leant back against the sofa, cradling his drink in both hands, and stretching his legs out in front of him to cross his ankles. "But meeting him, talking to him? I can only guess it's a little like discovering a long lost twin brother. There's a strong connection, an empathy that's hard to ignore."

"I'm sure," she replied, as she turned towards him and laid her hand on his upper arm, suddenly concerned. "Still, remember, he may do or say things you don't condone, and no one is going to hold you responsible."

"Of course." He smiled again, "Why? Worried I won't be able to handle him?"

"Well, you used to be quite a force to be reckoned with at times, you know," she teased.

"I guess I did have my moments in those early days. So you haven't forgotten?"

"I do remember you were less than delighted when you found out about the role certain people had played in our pursuit of your ship, yes."

"Well, given what you just said about me not being responsible for him, if he smashes up my quarters, I trust you won't make me use my replicator rations to replace any broken items?"

"Agreed. Let's hope that's all he attempts to smash up."

"Come on, Kathryn, I wasn't _that_ bad!" He was genuinely surprised. "Don't you think you're overstating the case a little?"

"I don't know; I remember a pretty feisty Captain in leather pants spiting fire on my bridge actually. I still thank my lucky stars that I was right when I gambled that you were the sort of man who was too respectful to punch a woman."

"I'm glad you noticed one of my good points at least."

"The leather pants?"

A spray of coffee narrowly missed her. "You never said!" He was unable to suppress his grin.

"My opinion of your sartorial choices was hardly my main concern at that point! I was more worried about stopping you from shooting anyone."

"Actually, given the provocation, I think I was a picture of restraint." He grinned, still thinking about her checking out his leathers all those years ago.

She rolled her eyes at him and barely suppressed a snort. "Anyway, let's get back to the present – if that expression makes any sense in our current predicament. You're sure you're OK with this arrangement?"

"Absolutely." He was still smiling.

"Good, then consider yourself assigned to the Captain - the other captain - for the next twenty-four hours, and I'll leave it to your discretion how to handle the task." She stood, and he followed her lead.

"Thank you, Kathryn." He shifted a little and made eye contact with her again. "I'm glad you trust me enough to do this."

"Of course I do." She pressed her small hand to his chest this time.

He was immediately conscious of the fact that it'd been a while since she'd done that too. He inclined his head slightly in recognition of her gesture, and she removed her hand. With it's removal, all of his attention returned to their conversation. "Having said all that," he added, "I still find it hard to believe that those temporal security operatives in their timeship are going to just leave him here with us once they detect him. Don't you?"

"I've been counting on it," she replied, before cocking her head to one side slightly and adding, "Because right now, they're the only hope we've got."

[TBC]


	6. Chapter 6

Guest quarters 07.15 hrs

After handing over the earliest portion of his civilian wardrobe, the majority of which he hadn't worn in years, Chakotay waited in the guest quarters while the Captain got dressed.

As he had let go of the leather pants, the first officer had experienced a flicker of nostalgia tinged with regret, and had actually found himself considering, if only for a split second, whether he might like to wear them again. Silently, he laughed at himself. It wasn't only that it was impossible to imagine an occasion on which he would wear them; it was also that the pants probably wouldn't fit him now anyhow.

The Captain didn't opt for them today. He chose clothes from the tiny bundle of belongings that had been transported over to _Voyager_ in the final moments of the life of the _Val Jean_. Clothes that were now reminders of time spent on New Earth – the only period in the last six years when there'd been any significant amount of time spent out of uniform.

"Ready?" Chakotay asked the Captain, as he watched him pull on the pair of old, soft leather boots.

"Yeah. Feels good to have something familiar to put on," his counterpart replied as he stood up, noticeably more relaxed.

_More relaxed for now..._

He invited his younger self to his own quarters for breakfast. The only crewmember they encountered during the short journey there was Harry Kim. The turbolift doors opened and Harry was presented with the impossible sight of his commanding officer and his commanding officer's past self, standing side by side, waiting patiently for the lift.

Captain Chakotay looked to the Commander for the lead, and Chakotay motioned to him to enter. They did so in silence and Harry stood there gaping as the two men moved in to stand on either side of him.

"Deck three" Chakotay announced, putting a hand on Harry's shoulder. "I'll explain later. You're not going to want to miss the meeting for senior officers this morning, believe me."

Harry swallowed and collected himself enough to reply, "Understood, Commander," but not enough to stop himself from continuing to stare in disbelief at Captain Chakotay.

Once inside the first officer's quarters, the Captain examined the few personal items that Chakotay kept on display there, while the Commander replicated them some food.

His counterpart was obviously relieved to hear that the decision had now been taken not to withhold information from him about the last six years of _Voyager_ 's journey, and to allow him access to the ship's facilities. They had one appointment to keep before Chakotay could begin the task in earnest of bringing his younger self up to date, as Kathryn had asked that they both attend the morning meeting for senior staff. The idea was to put in a very brief appearance before rumours started to spread.

In advance of this meeting, Chakotay knew he would need to explain how Tom Paris came to be a bridge officer and pilot of this ship. It was going to make for a very uncomfortable breakfast, but there was no avoiding it.

They sat opposite each other at the small standard issue table in his quarters and began to eat. A few minutes in, he cautiously broached the subject."There's someone else you'll remember on board. He's _Voyager_ 's chief pilot and now he's a trained field medic too. He flew your ship too, for a short time. You didn't exactly see eye to eye." Chakotay watched the Captain's brow furrow as the Maquis munched on his oatmeal.

Chakotay was absolutely sure he knew the list of names that was going through the mind of his younger self; they'd gotten through more than one or two pilots on the _Val Jean_. He waited until he thought the Captain would be nearing the right name and he added quietly, "Captured on his first solo mission."

"Paris?" the Captain almost spat.

Chakotay nodded, watching his counterpart carefully, knowing he would very soon join the dots.

"How'd he get here? How'd he get back into Starfleet?" It was a little like watching a firework smoulder for a few seconds before anything happens. "They bribed him to give me up, didn't they? Daddy promised him reinstatement if he'd lead Janeway to the _Val Jean_."

"Not exactly. It's a long story, but once we were stranded, Captain Janeway granted him a field commission, as she did for my crew and for me. Up until then, he was an observer." Chakotay waited. He knew it was only a matter of seconds.

"But his role was to show her where to find us? Wasn't it? He gave us up, didn't he?"

"Yes, he did."

The Captain was on his feet and pacing the small room as soon as Chakotay confirmed his suspicion.

"He's come a long way since then," Chakotay told him. "He's saved my life and the ship too, more times than I can remember now. In fact, I consider him a friend."

His counterpart stared at him for several seconds with a mixture of disbelief and contempt. Then the younger man turned away and walked towards the door, as if he were thinking about leaving.

After a few more seconds, he seemed to change his mind, and returned to sit down at the small table to face the first officer. Chakotay took this opportunity to describe Tom's role in several milestone missions he hoped would demonstrate how much the once-troubled young man had changed since his brief spell with the Maquis. It was clear the Captain was still furious, but luckily, he was also pretty hungry, and the need to satisfy his appetite seemed to distract him a little from allowing his rage to completely take over. As Chakotay continued talking, the younger man picked up his spoon again and began to eat the oatmeal in silence.

It seemed clear that his counterpart was desperately trying not to misdirect his anger at the only person present. Chakotay empathised. Obviously. The one good thing about all this was that so far it had been spectacularly easy to predict how his younger self would react to things. Would this hold true for reactions to present as well as past events?

Chakotay filled him in on the roles of all the senior staff, on Tuvok's undercover mission and on the holographic Doctor and his mobile emitter; explaining enough to ensure the senior officers' briefing would make some sort of sense. He vowed to continue information sharing after they had put in their appearance at the meeting.

By the time they made it to the conference room, the Maquis leader had calmed down enough to be in the same room as Tom Paris; anything more than that might still be a step too far. At present his mind seemed closed to the idea that Tom could be anything other than a sell-out, devoid of any moral integrity. Chakotay had yet to broach the subject of his relationship with B'Elanna. That one was sure to go down like a ton of bricks.

 _At least he isn't going to deck Tom anymore_ , Chakotay thought, as they made their way in.

Captain Chakotay walked straight past Paris as if he wasn't there, and the pilot reacted by stepping back slightly further to allow B'Elanna to welcome the Maquis aboard with a hearty embrace. To say Tom looked uncomfortable would have been something of an understatement.

"Chief Engineer they tell me? My ship not big enough for you?" the Captain said, releasing her.

"Came to check up on me then? Let me guess; your spirit guide let you see into the future and you couldn't believe it, so you thought you'd come see for yourself?" she quipped, her smile spreading.

"That makes as much sense as any explanation I can offer you right now," the Maquis leader answered her, cracking a wide grin in turn.

Chakotay realised it was the first time he'd seen his younger self smile since he'd appeared on _Voyager_. B'Elanna was genuinely pleased to see the Captain. How many other crewmembers would be, really? Surely not that many.

Captain Chakotay would be of no particular interest to the Starfleet crew, other than as an oddity perhaps. And as for the former Maquis - the Captain might well be a painful reminder of all that they had lost after the massacre two years ago. Maybe he would want to talk about things they would rather forget. Maybe he would make them feel uncomfortable about how readily they had accepted Starfleet's authority and accepted roles on this vessel so soon after being stranded in the Delta Quadrant, at a time when the Maquis were still fighting the Federation and still losing their lives in the conflict.

That compromise had stung; something Chakotay had not been at liberty to express at the time, or since. Joining Kathryn's crew had offered the best chance of survival for his people and his role in promoting integration had been clear. If they had found a way back while the conflict had still been raging, he would have taken up the Maquis cause again in a heartbeat; just as the majority of his crew would have. But so much time had gone by, and then there had been the news. So… all in all, they had been forced to move on. The Captain's presence now had the potential to stir up feelings that were best left in the past; especially for someone like B'Elanna.

They only stayed long enough in the meeting to introduce the Captain and to share what little the Doctor had been able to ascertain about him from his medical scans.

Tom Paris listened with a frown forming. "I know temporal mechanics isn't exactly my strong suit, but I'm wondering how come Commander Chakotay is still here? How come any of us are, come to think of it? I mean, if Captain Chakotay is here, then he's not in his present time anymore, so all the events that brought us here would've changed, surely? Am I making any sense?"

"His past failure to fully grasp the intricacies of temporal mechanics notwithstanding, Mr Paris's question does have a basis in logic," Tuvok condescended.

Kathryn provided an answer of sorts. "Yes, Tom, we asked ourselves that same question last night, when Captain Chakotay first appeared." She stood up and moved to stand between the two versions of Chakotay, one hand on the back of each of their chairs. "At present we simply can't answer that. It's possible it's cause for optimism, as it could mean that Captain Chakotay will be returned somehow to the exact point in time from which he disappeared, so that there is no discontinuity in his or in our timeline. We have also considered the possibility he is some sort of duplicate, from an alternate dimension, or even that Q may be responsible for bringing him here."

Tom nodded thoughtfully.

"And what about the neutronic wave front that's approaching, is there any chance there could be a connection between that phenomenon and Captain Chakotay's appearance on board?" asked Harry Kim.

"Ours scans thus far have revealed no evidence of a connection," Tuvok intoned."However, we will continue to investigate the possibility that there may be a link we have yet to uncover. The wave front is due to make contact with the ship in approximately two hours."

"I have already begun inoculating the crew against the increased radiation levels, Captain," explained the Doctor. "I'll resume the task immediately this meeting is over. So far, there have been no cases of severe reaction."

"So, what do we tell people?" B'Elanna asked. "About Chakotay here?" She directed her question at _Voyager_ 's Captain.

"Feel free to explain the entirety of our limited understanding of this, Lieutenant," Kathryn replied. "I'm allowing Captain Chakotay access to _Voyager_ 's leisure facilities, so the crew will need to be informed of his presence on board. I'll send out an explanation after this meeting, but please explain it to your personnel however you see fit. I trust all of your judgement. And I trust you all to offer the Captain here your support, as this is clearly going to be a challenging time for him."

 _Yes,_ thought Chakotay. _It is. And not just for him._

[TBC]


	7. Chapter 7

They returned to Chakotay's quarters after their brief appearance in the senior staff meeting, and Chakotay began to fill the Captain in on what he thought he would need to know in order to function in this time. The first officer felt he did a reasonable job of producing a summary of their first few months in the Delta Quadrant, and the Captain listened attentively until it came to Seska.

Chakotay cut straight to the salient facts. "You're going to find this hard to believe, but Seska wasn't Bajoran." He had the Captain's full attention.

"What?"

"She was Cardassian." The older man watched as non-comprehension was replaced by disbelief.

"Cardassian." It came out as a statement rather than a question, and was accompanied by a small smirk. "And B'Elanna is really a Bolian in this time line."

"I'll show you the evidence, of course. But I promise you, Seska was a Cardassian."

"I've changed my mind." The Captain laughed, as he stood to begin pacing the small area between the table area and the viewport. "This must be some elaborate Starfleet-Cardassian deception after all, because that's just too damn ridiculous for words."

"That's pretty much what I thought until I saw the Doctor's analysis of her DNA," Chakotay replied as he motioned for the Captain to follow him to his workstation.

As the first officer's fingers moved over the keys to bring up the relevant files and the analysis of her DNA appeared on the screen, he could feel his counterpart's incredulity slowly abating, replaced by something else. He remembered the nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach that had accompanied his dawning realisation of the depths of Seska's deception.

"See for yourself." Chakotay stepped back to allow the other man room to stand in front of the monitor and read. He knew that these revelations would have an immediacy for his younger self that they hadn't had for him. It was certain that they were both painfully aware of the fact that the Captain had left Seska asleep in his bed only the night before.

For several minutes his younger self navigated between files and read in silence. Then he let out a breath, turned away from the monitor and stalked towards the door. Chakotay was convinced he was about to leave.

But the younger man stopped just short of the door to stand rigid for a split second. Then, in one swift action, he came back to life and punched his fist through the bulkhead.

Almost immediately, he rounded on Chakotay. "So where is she? You said 'was' Cardassian? Is she dead?"

"Yes. She died almost four years ago. I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"You really need me to answer that?" Chakotay waited a moment, observing his counterpart.

The younger man walked towards the viewport and stood with his back to Chakotay. After watching his counterpart for a few seconds, the first officer silently left the main living area and went to retrieve the dermal regenerator he kept in his bedroom for use after boxing – something he didn't exactly advertise, but it wasn't as if the Captain was about to tell anyone.

Once in the living area again, Chakotay pointed to his younger self's hand, and without exchanging words, the younger man allowed a brief examination. There didn't appear to be any broken bones, just bruising. The bulkhead seemed to have come off worse; the hole was deep enough to mean maintenance would have to be called at some point.

"May I?" he asked, as he lifted the dermal regenerator. An infinitesimally small nod granted him permission to repair the damaged tissue. They sat down on the low sofa and Chakotay activated the medical device, while the younger man studied the carpet, a muscle in his jaw still twitching intermittently.

During the few minutes it took to complete the treatment neither of them spoke. Chakotay could feel himself tensing up as he realised he would now have to tell the Captain about other members of his crew who were no longer with them, Bendera being first and foremost in his mind. He had felt that loss acutely for months, and it remained a dull ache even now, years later. He'd had few close friends in the Maquis, and Bendera had been one of them.

Once he'd finished treating the Captain's hand and had returned the dermal regenerator to his bedroom, he replicated them both a drink and sat down again on the sofa next to the Captain.

Then Chakotay described briefly how Bendera had died, and waited. He was left confused.

The younger man regarded him calmly. "I'm not going to grieve for people who I may see again tomorrow. Not yet anyway." He studied his hand and he flexed it as he spoke. "Not until we're sure I'm stuck here for good."

Chakotay paused to consider this. "Then why were you so affected by what I told you about Seska just now? And by Tuvok and Paris' deceptions?" He studied his counterpart's downcast face for clues. This was the first thing his younger self had said that he had found surprising.

The Captain looked up to meet Chakotay's gaze. "About Seska, I've seen your evidence, and it's pretty conclusive. She's Cardassian. She always was a Cardassian, in my time too. And Paris, he was already leading _Voyager_ to my ship before I found myself here, just like Tuvok was working for Starfleet. I can accept that we seem to share the same past up until the point that I was brought here. But, as we've already noticed, the temporal mechanics here don't add up, so there's every chance that all this isn't my reality, my dimension, whatever you want to call it. Until I see proof otherwise, I see no reason to presume the rest of your past will necessarily become my future."

"That's a valid point," Chakotay replied, nodding.

For a few moments they both sat, lost in thought, until the Captain spoke again.

"For now, I'm hoping I'll show up on the temporal sensors of that timeship you mentioned. Maybe they're just having a busy week over in temporal security and they haven't gotten around to me yet."

"Maybe." Chakotay offered a small smile. "I hope so too, for your sake, and of course you have every right to deal with this however you see fit." He hoped this would mean that the news of the massacre of the remaining Maquis would be something from which the Captain would manage to distance himself too.

_Might as well get it over with._

"We made contact with Starfleet two years ago now. And we found a way to send small amounts of data to and fro."

"And?"

"Most of the crew got a letter from home."

"Who wrote you?"

"Sveta."

" _Sveta_? Not Roberto, or Nelson? Are they dead?"

"Yes." Chakotay paused. "But it was more than just Roberto and Nelson."

"How many more?"

The older man felt the tension rising in the room again and steeled himself to meet the Captain's gaze. "There was a massacre. The Cardassians found a new ally, a powerful species from the Gamma Quadrant, who supplied them with more ships and weapons. They found Tevlik's moon - someone must've given us up - and they wiped us out. Almost completely."

The Captain moved to the viewport and stood in silence looking out for several minutes. Chakotay waited.

Then the younger man turned. "I'd like to get out of this room now."

"Of course," Chakotay replied. "I just need to see to a couple of things first." The Captain exhaled audibly and returned to the centre of the room to sit down heavily at the table.

Chakotay sent a personal message to all the former Maquis amongst the crew, which they would receive in addition to the message Kathryn had put out. He explained that over the next few days, if the Captain was still with them, they were all welcome to call on him in his guest quarters, as long as they gave him advance warning.

Then he issued the Captain with a combadge. And after a good twenty minutes verbal duelling with the computer, it finally agreed to accept his counterpart's voiceprint and allocate it to the designation 'Captain Chakotay.' The computer hadn't been happy with two captains, or with two identical voiceprints. Eventually, their combined ingenuity had won out and they had beaten it into submission.

[TBC]


	8. Chapter 8

In the early afternoon, they began their tour of _Voyager_ , and as they wandered the ship Chakotay continued to answer his younger self's questions, many of which concerned _Voyager_ 's capabilities and the modifications they'd made after encountering the Borg. The first officer didn't volunteer additional information when at times he could have, but he didn't purposefully withhold anything either.

As they moved through the ship, they were both fast becoming accustomed to the reactions of crewmembers they encountered. After the first few, it was actually mildly entertaining - in the nicest possible way of course - hopefully no one would be so surprised they'd suffer a coronary.

They hadn't begun their tour until the information Kathryn had issued about the Captain’s appearance would have already begun to filter through the ranks. The fact that it had was already evident from the reactions of some crew members. It wouldn't be long before everyone's reactions to the two of them became a lot less extreme. _Voyager_ 's crew were used to adapting to the unexpected.

It was obvious the Captain was also starting to have a little fun with the obvious absurdity of the situation. It was all they could do not to start playing on it at one point, when they rounded a corner to meet the Delaney sisters en route for the holodeck. The twin squeals of shock and obvious excitement were phenomenal. Both Chakotays couldn't suppress a chuckle as they each offered the young women a wide dimpled grin and a friendly greeting.

The Captain caught his eye, the young women's squeals fading into the distance as they continued down the corridor, and Chakotay had a pretty good idea what was going through his mind.

The first officer raised an eyebrow. "Forget it. No double dates here; they're too young."

"For you maybe," the Captain replied with a wink.

* * *

Later, when Chakotay accompanied him back to guest quarters, the Maquis leader asked tentatively if he could read Chakotay's personal logs. The older man understood the logic of the request, but he had to decline. It was a step too far, even if it might help with adjusting to this time period. It wasn't that his logs were filled with deeply personal revelations, because they weren't. It was more about what his younger self would be able to read between the lines. The Captain would hear all the things he hadn't said.

So instead, the first officer continued to give a very condensed account of the six-year journey. When he came to describe the end of the second year, the Captain was all ears.

"So you and Janeway were stranded down there alone for months?"

"A few weeks, yes."

"How was that?"

"It was fine. They came back for us as soon as they found a cure."

"What was it like, just you and her? Did you and she-"

"You already said this might not be your future," Chakotay cut him off," so there's no need for you to know every little thing about this timeline."

"You did then."

Chakotay raised both eyebrows and pursed his lips. "None of your damn business."

The Captain laughed. "So, I guess it didn't work out when you got back. Not with you in command together. That why she kind of looks through you?"

The older man bristled. "Looks through me?"

"Surely you're not going to say you haven't noticed?" his younger self seemed genuinely surprised.

"Well… I…"

"I'm just saying, it makes sense to me now."

The Captain sat down opposite Chakotay, mirroring his posture, one leg bent up on the seat of the sofa and one arm resting along the backrest. "I was wondering why you hadn't made the effort there. Intriguing, good-looking woman like that. But I guess you had, and it's history now... for you."

"So, do you want to share the medicine bundle?" Chakotay attempted.

"OK, so you don't want to talk about her. I get it. Guess you haven't changed that much since you were me then?" The Captain grinned at him.

Eventually Chakotay managed to steer his counterpart away from the topic of Kathryn, and they agreed to share his medicine bundle. In light of the conversation he'd just been trying to avoid, he decided he would remove the few items he'd added since the Captain last saw it. They also discussed the possibility of attempting a joint vision quest, in the hope of finding some answers that might assist them in their present predicament.

Then they continued their tour of the ship, and eventually made their way to the bridge.

Kathryn had told him to bring the Captain to the ready room at some point, and she'd make them both tea. She seemed as uncomfortable with the three of them spending time in close quarters as Chakotay himself felt. His younger self, however, seemed to be quite at ease. He asked her a whole host of questions about her initial mission into the Badlands. It was pretty clear he was bearing witness to an information gathering exercise; one that would prove extremely useful in the eventuality that Captain Chakotay was whisked back to his own time with his memories intact.

* * *

A few hours later, Chakotay was exhausted and keen to turn in.

The Captain didn't seem like he'd be calling it a night any time soon, so Chakotay made his excuses and left him in the capable hands of Mike Ayala in the holodeck Fair Haven simulation, where they had gone to share a few drinks with their old friend. Chakotay had had enough. More than enough; it'd been one long day.

Once back in his quarters, despite his exhaustion, his brain was still buzzing, churning over the stranger than strange experience it had been to spend the day with his younger self.

One day together had taught him that Captain Chakotay was someone he really couldn't get anything past. He was an open book to this man in so many ways. Which was probably only fair, given he knew everything there was to know about the Captain. The only slight case in point being his memory, he had discovered. It wasn't anywhere near as good as it used to be; some of the details of his life six years ago, half a galaxy away, were a little hazy now in parts.

Kathryn had commed him late evening to check on how his counterpart was doing, and to inform Chakotay of their total lack of progress in determining anything at all about their surprise visitor's appearance or how to return him to his own time.

Chakotay lay down to rest, the mind-bending question presenting itself again with no more answers than before. What on earth they would do with his past self in the long run, if he was indeed here to stay?

Eventually he drifted off into an uneasy sleep; a sleep plagued by dreams of Cardassians who kept him prisoner for days on end in rooms with distorted mirrors on the ceiling, the floor and all over the walls.

[TBC]


	9. Chapter 9

It was already after 23.00hrs when Kathryn entered Sullivan's, in uniform, looking for the proprietor. It hadn't seemed worth changing clothes this time. The events of the past twenty-four hours had been all consuming; they hadn't left time to give much thought how she felt about what had almost transpired between them, or about what to say to him.

He was behind the bar.

"Well, hello there stranger! It's good to see you, Katie." He smiled warmly. "It's so late I'd just about given up hope that you'd be coming in at all this evening."

"Good evening, Michael, yes, I guess it's later than I thought again. It's been a busy day."

"Everything all right? You left in something of a hurry last night, if I'm not mistaken."

"Yes, everything's fine." She felt the colour rise slightly in her cheeks. "And about last night, I'm sorry. Something came up."

Kathryn turned as the unexpectedly familiar sound of Chakotay's laughter filtered across the bar. It was a surprise to find anyone else in there so late. The presence of others was actually a welcome distraction, as it meant Michael was less likely to presume they would carry on where they had left off the night before.

Her eyes adjusted to the lower level of lighting in the far corner of the room and she was easily able to pick Chakotay out, sitting at a table with Ayala. Except of course it wasn't _her_ Chakotay.

"Friends of yours?" Sullivan enquired.

"Acquaintances," Kathryn replied as she continued to watch the two men.

"The brother of your tattooed friend we ran into in the street? The one off a ship?"

"Yes. That's it." As she watched, Captain Chakotay stood to make his way to the bar, carrying two empty glasses.

He positioned himself next to her and set the glasses down on the bar. "Captain," he greeted her with a slight nod.

"Good evening," she replied, trying to ignore Sullivan's pointedly quizzical look in response to the second use of her title in his earshot in as many days. It was going to be harder to feign ignorance this time.

In order to shield the hologram from yet more non-sequiturs and confusion, she motioned for Captain Chakotay to move to away a little, so it was evident she wished their conversation to be private. Sullivan frowned slightly, but took the hint, and made his way to the other end of the bar to busy himself with his work.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm fine," this Chakotay replied, his interest clearly piqued, as he misinterpreted her appearance as an indication of important news. "Has there been a development? Have the scans revealed anything yet?"

"I'm sorry, I haven't anything new to report, but I can assure you we're still pursing every possible avenue of investigation; and we'll meet in the morning to discuss the situation again. As you heard in the briefing, we've been trying to determine whether the neutronic wavefront we detected yesterday might be in some way connected to your appearance."

He nodded. "And you still haven't found evidence that it is?"

"No, we haven't. As I'm sure Commander Chakotay would've explained to you when we felt that turbulence, we came into contact with it this afternoon, and it'll be affecting ship's systems for another three days. But so far, I'm afraid there's been nothing to suggest a link. I've reviewed all the data myself this evening, and I have to say it's not promising." She studied his face for a reaction. "I hope you're not feeling the effects of the neutron radiation."

"We were inoculated this afternoon when we called in to sickbay during our tour of your ship. So is it stopping you going to warp too?"

"Yes, it's affecting the plasma flow, and even B'Elanna can't work her magic with a problem that basic."

He held her gaze for a moment without saying anything. "So, if you weren't on a mission to deliver good news, what brings the captain of the ship to an empty holosuite at gone 23.00hrs? Unless Mike's playing his cards pretty close to his chest, I'd say you weren't looking for him either."

She raised an eyebrow and a small smile lifted one side of her mouth slightly. "Just doing my rounds; I like to tour the ship sometimes when things are quiet."

He drained the final drops from his glass. "Always alone?"

Janeway blinked as she shifted gear internally to deal with the turn this conversation seemed to have taken. "A captain's lot, as I'm sure you know. And anyway, I find I think more clearly on my own."

"I only ask because there's an ex-captain on board who I happen to know used to make a habit of taking a midnight tour of his own once in a while, so I was wondering if you ever ran in to one another?"

"Our paths may have crossed once or twice."

"Once or twice in six years?" he deadpanned.

Kathryn began to wonder whether they were still talking about late night tours of the ship. "Where is the Commander anyway?" she asked swiftly.

"Guess the old man was tired; he already turned in." A mischievous grin spread across his face and his dimples surfaced. "But we're just getting started."

"Old man, eh? I'm sure he'll have something to say about that."

"Well, we can't both be 'Chakotay', can we?"

"I suppose not. But I think you'll have to come up with a better solution than that."

The Maquis leader seemed to consider this statement for a moment. "So, what are you drinking? Irish whiskey?"

"I wouldn't want to intrude."

He moved a fraction closer and his shoulder brushed against hers. "You're not. In fact I'd say as Captain, you're duty bound to entertain your ship's only passenger and guest. And what sort of a captain would pass up an opportunity to fulfil that obligation and get to know a member of her crew at the same time? Join us?"

Kathryn had the distinct feeling she was being challenged, as well as manoeuvred into something here, but she was unsure exactly what. "I guess one small one wouldn't hurt," she heard herself say, before she'd had the chance to think too much about the fact she'd just agreed to sit down with two virtual strangers. She couldn't remember having exchanged more than two words with Lieutenant Ayala in nearly six years.

The Maquis Captain nodded and moved to adopt an expectant stance at the bar. Sullivan reacted immediately by coming over. He accepted the two empty glasses and responded to the request for refills and for a whiskey for Kathryn.

There was something in the manner in which this Chakotay addressed the hologram that made Kathryn look at Sullivan almost apologetically. It wasn't that the Maquis Captain was rude, far from it, he was courteous and thanked the bar keep for the drinks as he took them. It was more the fact that he had referred to the holodeck as being empty, and that he had failed to make any eye contact at all with the hologram throughout their short interaction. One of the differences between this man and the present day Commander, was that this man spent a lot more time looking people in the eye and a lot less time studying his boots or looking off at a point somewhere in the near distance, with an air of good natured boredom. But it seemed Michael Sullivan had not been deemed worthy of scrutiny.

As they carried their drinks to the small table in the corner to join Ayala, who was doing a reasonable job of quashing his obvious surprise at seeing his captain accompanying his former captain back from the bar, Kathryn looked back to see Sullivan watching them.

Ayala quickly stood and pulled a chair over for her.

"Mr Ayala, I hope I'm not intruding, but your friend here wasn't taking 'no' for an answer."

"Of course not, Captain, you're welcome to join us. And yeah, the word 'no's not one he really understands, not when other people say it, that is."

Kathryn was instantly relieved this man felt at ease enough with her to crack a joke.

Captain Chakotay settled himself in the seat beside her and immediately addressed her, "So, how did you do it then?"

"Do what?" Kathryn arched an eyebrow.

"Convince my crew to switch their loyalties to you."

"I think that's something you'd have to ask them, or Chakotay. I'm sure they took their lead from him, is that not right Mr Ayala?" Kathryn deflected skilfully.

"Yes, we did," Mike confirmed. "If the boss hadn't broken a few noses – figuratively speaking of course – then I'm sure it would have taken longer than it did for everyone to toe the line."

"So, there were malcontents then?" the Maquis leader asked with interest.

"Just the usual suspects," Ayala replied cautiously, looking at Janeway.

Then Captain Chakotay took over the conversation. "Chakotay told me there are no significant divisions among this crew, along former Maquis lines at least. Would you say that's the case, Captain?"

The use of her title suddenly jarred and sounded wrong to Kathryn, here, in this informal setting with these two men in civilian clothing. "Please, call me Kathryn – we're off duty aren't we?"

"You're right. So, what are you going to call _me_?" he asked with a hint of amusement. "Young man? Chakotay junior?"

"Why, do you like the sound of that?"

"Can't say that I do. Any suggestions?"

"Let me get back to you on that," she replied with a small smirk of amusement.

"So, are there? Any factions who still consider themselves Maquis in this crew?" He wasn't dropping this one.

"As I said, you're asking the wrong person. If there were, they would hardly advertise the fact to me now, would they?"

"Guess not," he finally conceded.

"Ask Mr Ayala here, when I've gone."

"I'll do that." Captain Chakotay held her gaze a beat longer than she expected, and she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. "And his name's Mike, by the way."

Determined to regain control of the conversation she forced herself not to look away and formulated her next question, calmly ignoring his last remark. "So, what have you made of your first day on _Voyager_?"

"The food's good, the bed's comfortable, the sonic shower works, and there's no one firing on us." The grin was back.

"Not today. So much for the positives; what about the negatives?"

"I don't belong here, obviously." The change in mood was instant.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sure this is very hard for you."

He went on as if she hadn't spoken. "And many of my friends are dead in this time. Most of them apparently."

Now Kathryn did look away. If her first officer still felt this way, it was something he didn't choose to share with her. Hopefully, Chakotay felt most of his friends were very much alive, and here on _Voyager_.

Even though she didn't know the man sitting next to her, through those few words, she had felt his anguish. It was there in his voice. He hadn't bothered to try to dissimulate it. Ayala put a hand on his shoulder and Kathryn searched for some words of comfort.

"Let's hope we find a way to get you back to them sooner rather than later," she said, eventually.

"I'll drink to that," he replied as he held his glass out to her and she chinked hers against it, before swallowing the amber liquid.

"Well, thank you for inviting me to join you. I'll leave you to your conversation now. Good night gentlemen."

"Good night Kathryn," the Maquis Captain replied, echoed a split second later by, "Good night Cap- Kathryn," from his friend.

As she made her way back to the bar, Kathryn was convinced she could feel Chakotay Junior's eyes on her back.

Sullivan called her over. "Leaving so soon, Katie?"

"Yes, I'm afraid I have an early start tomorrow," she dipped her head and offered apologetically.

"I wanted to ask if you'd care to join me tomorrow for a picnic? There's a lovely spot not far from here I'd love to show you."

"That's very kind of you, Michael, but I'm afraid it's out of the question. I really do have a lot to do tomorrow. Another time perhaps?'

"I'll hold you to that," he replied, his tone slightly subdued, but a smile on his face nevertheless.

[TBC]


	10. Chapter 10

The following morning, Janeway was working in the ready room when Tom Paris came to see her.

They had managed to weather the neutronic wavefront and had passed into open space again. In the last few seconds, power had to be diverted from every single one of the ship's systems, in order to clear the perimeter. All secondary power sources, including those that ran the holodeck, had been drained, and there hadn't been enough time to go through the hologrid shut down sequence.

"Fair Haven didn't fare too well," Paris said, as he stood in front of her desk, PADD in hand.

"I'll break the news to the crew."

"With your permission I'd like to try to reconstruct the programme."

"By all means," she replied.

"Harry tells me that we should be able to save about ten per cent of the existing elements."

"That's good news, the crew will be pleased."

Tom was still there.

"Is there anything else?" Janeway asked, unsure why he was lingering.

"It's just… well, I thought you might have a suggestion or two."

"About what?"

"About what exactly we try to salvage." Tom looked decidedly uncomfortable.

"I can't imagine what gave you that idea, Mr. Paris," she immediately replied, her casual tone conveying mild amusement. "I'm quite happy for you and Mr. Kim to do as you see fit."

"Understood. Sorry…" the pilot mumbled, as he turned to leave.

After the door closed behind him, Kathryn let out a breath and relaxed.

So, the hologram had been confiding in members of the crew about the short time they'd spent together; this news was very unwelcome. In future, it would be necessary to think twice before indulging, or rather almost indulging, in such dubious pastimes. There was always a risk that news of such lack of judgement could get back to the crew.

* * *

Three days passed and Chakotay's counterpart still hadn't gone anywhere.

Chakotay made sure there was enough for the Maquis Captain to do to prevent him becoming bored and restless. He offered to share his personal holodeck programmes, and the Maquis immediately made use of the boxing simulation and several of the other fitness programmes. He spent a fair amount of time in the mess hall too; hardly surprising he hadn't had access to four regular meals a day for a while. He appeared just as tolerant of Neelix's creations as _Voyager_ 's first officer, and the little Talaxian morale officer often sat with him and solicited daily updates as to how the Captain was adjusting to his new environment.

Although he hadn't wanted to share his personal logs, Chakotay granted the Captain access to all the mission logs, and his younger self spent several hours perusing them, researching the experiences the crew had chalked up in the Delta Quadrant so far. This gave rise to some interesting discussions between the two men.

Chakotay's counterpart also spent a fair number of hours socialising, as, one by one, most of the former Maquis on the ship had called to see him. Sometimes in his guest suite, but more often than not, they found him in the first officer's quarters. In fact, Chakotay realised he might as well have suggested the Captain bunk with him, rather than bother with guest quarters at all, since the first officers' quarters were where his counterpart spent most of his time, even when Chakotay was on duty.

Strangely, he didn't actually mind, and very soon he found he had became accustomed to the presence of his almost-twin. They didn't necessarily talk much, but it was clear the younger man felt reassured by his almost-double's presence, and by being surrounded by his few belongings.

On the fifth day after the Maquis' appearance on board, some kind of gravimetric gradient pulled _Voyager_ into the orbit of a planet with a tachyon core, and the crew had to work to find a way to break the ship free, without causing any more damage to the planet. In addition there was an unusual space-time differential between the planet and the surrounding space, which meant it was imperative they found a way to extract themselves soon, before their orbit started to decay and they began to experience time speeding up.

The situation would soon become critical and they could do with all the help they could get, so Chakotay felt it was time to put his counterpart to work alongside the rest of the crew. Kathryn had no objections.

One line of their investigation needed to focus on learning more about the planet below, so he asked Captain Chakotay to help him analyse the rapid changes they were able to witness taking place on the planet.

Initially, the two men became engrossed in a discussion concerning the stages of the planet's geological developments. Then they moved on to bounce ideas off each other at warp speed about the sociological and technological advances they were likely to witness, and about the significance these might have in terms of their search to find a way to safely leave orbit.

Early morning found them in engineering with B'Elanna and her team, and then an hour or two later they moved to astrometrics to confer with Seven.

When Chakotay suggested that face-to-face contact might provide them with the information they could use to break orbit, his counterpart came up with the idea of sending the Doctor down. During their daily visits to sickbay to allow the Doctor to monitor him, it had already become clear that the Maquis was fascinated by the Doctor's mobile emitter - this piece of technology from an even more distant future. His marked interest in it had made Chakotay aware of how quickly the rest of them had come to take the Doctor's mobility for granted.

* * *

Messhall

B'Elanna and Seven arrived to join the queue at the serving hatch just as the two versions of Chakotay were getting up to leave. Both Chakotay's greeted them as they passed and B'Elanna watched as the younger man smiled warmly at Seven.

"Try the lunchtime special with rice, it beats the hair pasta hands down," the Maquis advised the former drone. She inclined her head in recognition.

"They make quite a team, don't they?" B'Elanna said as the two women seated themselves with their food a few moments later.

"Indeed. They function efficiently together." Seven turned to observe the two pairs of broad shoulders, as the men walked out through the doors with an almost identical gait. "They are less reliant on verbal communication, and are able to anticipate each other's thought processes in a manner which enhances their productivity on any task."

"Like I said, they make quite a team."

Seven raised a perfect eyebrow.

B'Elanna went on, "You've been remarkably friendly to Captain Chakotay, Seven. I must admit it surprised me a little."

"Am I not usually 'friendly'?"

"It wasn't a criticism. I was just saying I've noticed you've really made an effort to put him at ease. "

"He has been forcibly and unexpectedly removed from everything he knew. It is a situation that presents many challenges, he is undoubtedly finding this experience difficult." Seven's tone had just a hint of the defensive about it.

"I'm sure that's true. I guess I was just kind of surprised when you chose to join us at breakfast this morning." B'Elanna watched as the former drone's neutral expression clouded slightly.

"Was my presence an intrusion?"

"Of course not. That's not what I meant; you just surprised me. So, you think you have an understanding of how he must be feeling here then?"

"If he finds he has no way back, he will be forced to adapt to life here. I have an appreciation of the challenge that represents."

"But that's not all of it, is it?" the engineer pressed.

Seven looked at her for a moment before replying. "He does not accept 'The Starfleet Way' unquestioningly. I find that appealing. He is an outsider, as am I."

"Do you still feel that way? Even after all this time?" B'Elanna put her fork down.

"I am Borg."

B'Elanna rolled her eyes and pursed her lips. "It's been a while since I've heard you say _that_."

"The crew have accepted me in many ways, but they will never react to me as they would to someone fully human."

"Maybe not, but you can't tell me you still think this crew see you as a Borg drone anymore either."

"I am unsure. I am hard to classify, as is Captain Chakotay."

"You seem to find him easier to relate to than Chakotay."

Once more, Seven hesitated slightly. "The Commander is wary of me."

" _Was_ , Seven. _Years_ ago. It seems more the other way around to me now." B'Elanna grimaced as her taste buds came into contact for the first time with the sauce accompanying the hair pasta.

Seven observed her, expressionless. "My arrival here was a difficult time for him."

"Yes it was. He disagreed with the Captain about what to do with you."

"I believe that is what one might call an understatement, Lieutenant. I have read the missions logs, Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay failed to adopt a consistent approach to me. He did not believe I would necessarily wish to reclaim my humanity."

The engineer cocked her head to one side. "No, I guess he didn't."

"He was correct. I did not. Not for some time." Seven held her gaze.

"But all that's changed now, Seven. And his opinion of you has changed. You should give Chakotay a chance. He's a good guy. You shouldn't avoid him." B'Elanna used a carrot-like vegetable to push the sticky sauce to the far edge of her plate.

"I do not. "

"Yes, you do. If I'd been sitting with _him_ this morning at breakfast, rather than our new Chakotay, you'd have sat down on your own."

"I respect your need for privacy to express your friendship."

"Bullshit. You still avoid him. Why? You sit with Tom and me often enough, and you sat down this morning. What about my need for privacy then?"

Seven paused for a moment and she continued to observe B'Elanna playing with her food. "When they disconnected me from the hive mind, the neural link the Commander established with me afforded him a unique and intimate perspective. I find that fact difficult to ignore."

B'Elanna considered this statement for a moment. "So you still feel uneasy around him now, because he forced his way into your head right at the beginning of your time here?"

"Would you not feel uncomfortable in the presence of someone who had read your mind?"

"Maybe, but Seven, that was _years_ ago now! It's obvious to everyone, including him, that how you feel about things, about yourself and about humanity, has changed."

"Perhaps."

B'Elanna watched Seven's expressions as the former drone cautiously lifted a small forkful of Neelix's lunchtime special close enough to appreciate the aroma. "But you don't feel uncomfortable around our newer model Chakotay?" asked the young engineer.

"No."

"Then maybe it's time you tried to overcome that feeling with the original version now."

After a moment's hesitation Seven said, "I shall reassess my behaviour in the light of your recommendations."

"Well good." B'Elanna sensed it was time to drop it. "Anyway, it's good to see them getting on like that actually. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be nearly so relaxed in my own company."

Seven took another tiny forkful of rice. "Chakotay is a highly adaptable individual. It is one of his strengths as a leader."

"Yes, he is. He certainly lead by example when we first arrived here."

"You were discontent with the situation?"

"I'll admit it took me a little longer to find my feet here than some." B'Elanna pushed her plate away, finally admitting defeat to the hair pasta.

"But you were successful."

"Yes. Eventually." B'Elanna smiled. "I guess I reassessed my behaviour in the light of his recommendations."

[TBC]


	11. Chapter 11

Chakotay lowered his gloves and his counterpart followed suit. They climbed out of the ring to head for the showers.

"Not bad for an old man." The Captain slapped the Commander on the back.

"Tell that to my knees."

"Great," the younger man shot back, "you telling I've got arthritis to look forward to?"

"Nothing quite that bad, well not yet." Chakotay returned the friendly slap, landing his on his counterpart's shoulder and making sure it was just a fraction harder. "But you might want to find more time to exercise than I've done since I was your age."

The Captain stopped and looked Chakotay in the eye. "You didn't say, 'since I was you.'"

The older man looked at him questioningly.

"Well, I was wondering whether that means you've started to think of me as a person in my own right?"

Chakotay grinned. "I can't believe I was ever you. I'm sure I never drank that much and I know I never chose to go without sleep the way you have since you got here. Don't you ever get tired?"

"I am tired actually. Sleeping is just harder than it used to be. Probably because I always wonder where I'm gonna find myself when I wake up now."

"Good point."

"Anyway, once we've done here, we're headed to Sandrine's, right?"

" _Again_?"

"You got other plans?"

"Just a date with a good book and a chair."

"You're _six_ years older than me, not _sixty_. We're going out. Period."

Chakotay held up his gloved hands. "You win. Again."

* * *

The two men entered the holodeck and walked through the entrance to Sandrine's bistro. Chakotay headed straight for the bar where B'Elanna was seated on a stool next to Tom Paris. Rather than follow his almost-twin the younger man stopped level with the pool table and picked up a cue.

"Good evening," Chakotay greeted Tom and B'Elanna, then caught Sandrine's eye. She glided over immediately to shower him with her attentions and take his order.

He noticed a look pass between Tom and B'Elanna and watched as the engineer placed her drink on the bar.

"Think it's time I brushed up my skills with this game," she announced, claiming the other pool cue and walking over to join the Maquis at the table.

Tom's eyes followed her for a moment. Then he turned back to face the bar and settled lower into his seat. Chakotay welcomed the chance to take the weight off his feet, not to mention his knees, and sat down in the seat B'Elanna had vacated.

"It was a close call there today, wasn't it?" the first officer began.

"I'll say. I was starting to think we were going end up trapped in a decaying orbit with time speeding up. Sure you've had enough surprises this week already where space-time is concerned."

"You could say that."

"So, what's it like? Meeting yourself?"

"Well, I guess I've learnt a few things."

"Like?"

Chakotay rubbed a hand across his chin. "Well let's see, so far I've learnt that I could sure pack a punch six years ago and I was a whole lot fitter."

"Anything else?"

"I need to leave my ear alone when I'm uncomfortable."

Tom laughed. "But then how would we know when we'd gotten to you?"

Both men turned slightly in their seats to sit facing each other, their bodies at right angles to the bar, so they could watch the pool players. The Maquis was bent low over the table lining up a shot, and B'Elanna was standing a few feet behind him, brandishing her cue.

Chakotay continued his train of thought. "And I used to get a hell of lot more attention from women."

Paris's eyes followed B'Elanna's gaze. "So you've noticed crewmembers checking him out then?"

"You mean to tell me you haven't? You were in here the other night."

"I guess that was kind of obvious, but hey, the Delaney sisters have never exactly been ones to hold back. And Marla Gilmore, well, I think she just couldn't believe her luck – I mean _two_ of you, must've seemed like Christmas come early to her."

The first officer's eyebrows rose as he considered this.

The two men sipped their drinks in silence for a few moments watching the others play.

B'Elanna missed a relatively easy shot and uttered an inventive Klingon invective that earned her a hearty slap on the back and a chuckle from her opponent as he moved in to take his turn.

"What about you and him?" Chakotay asked the pilot "Made any progress yet?"

"Not so as you'd notice. Not unless you count the fact that he doesn't walk straight out of a room as soon as he sees me anymore. Oh, and I guess I should be grateful he's finally stopped asking B'Elanna what she's doing with me while I'm still actually standing there."

"Give him time, Tom. Remember I've had nearly two years to get used to the idea of you and B'Elanna. He's only had a few days."

"What did he say when you first told him about us? I bet that was a cosy little chat."

"Let's just say he questioned a few things."

"Like what?"

"I think he started with your parentage and her sanity if I remember correctly." He placed a hand on Tom's shoulder. "But that was a couple of days ago. He'll get used to it. I did, didn't I?"

"That was different."

"How so?"

" _You're_ different with her. B'Elanna and you, well you're like family aren't you."

"I suppose we are."

"You're like the big brother she never had or an uncle who looks out for her, sometimes even kind of a father figure."

Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "I'm not _that_ old, you know. And him?"

"It's just different." The pilot took a long pull on his drink.

"Different how?"

Tom sighed. "He looks at her in _that_ kind of way. He looks at her the way I do."

"They're just friends, Tom. "

"Yeah. For now."

Chakotay's voice dropped in pitch slightly and took on a more serious tone. "For the record, I think you're way off course on this one."

"Do you? Well maybe you're too close to him to see it."

"Maybe," he conceded, his hand half way to his ear before he realised and pulled it quickly back. "Do you want me to speak to him? Tell him to give you two some space? I know he tends to gravitate towards her and Mike when I'm not around."

"No. Thanks, but I'll deal with it. She makes him feel comfortable. I get it. I'm not about to try and take that away from him. The man's just lost everything. Again. Maybe for good for all we know. I just hope you're right, and he's just being 'friendly'."

Chakotay turned back to face the back of the bar and sipped his drink in silence.

[TBC]


	12. Chapter 12

Three weeks later

Kathryn tried for what seemed like the hundredth time to focus on her breathing and to put the images of the bodies out of her mind. There one minute, vaporised the next.

Thud.

_Not again!_

She turned onto her side to face the opposite direction and exhaled slowly.

Another dull thud. Something hit the wall. The time before, she had been in two minds; it could just have been the noise of something falling on the floor, but that was definitely something hitting the wall in there.

She checked the chronometer, 01.05 hrs.

This was ridiculous. If they were going to keep this up, she wouldn't sleep at all tonight. She reached for her combadge on the nightstand.

"Janeway to Chakotay."

No response.

"Janeway to Chakotay; Commander, please respond." She swung her legs over the side of the bed and sat for a moment, elbows resting on her knees, hands massaging her forehead. _Come on Chakotay._

Still nothing.

She didn't need to ask the computer to locate him, because she could actually hear the damn man, even pick out snippets of the argument now he was shouting so loud.

"….not about _home_! ….. confusing….. what's _real!_ "

Or possibly it was the other one shouting – either way it didn't matter, it was just too much.

They were all struggling with the situation and she wasn't going to grant Chakotay special treatment. It was unfortunate he hadn't agreed with her decision to repair the memorial, but that was just the way it had to be sometimes, and it was done now anyway. The repairs had been successful and as far as they could tell, the memorial was functioning once again as its creators had intended.

During the hour or so she had been lying there desperately trying and failing to find rest, her attempts further derailed by the intermittent noises coming through the bulkhead, a tension had been slowly building in her limbs. She made a decision and stood up suddenly, furiously snatching up her robe. She shouldered into it without even thinking to fasten it properly around her waist and made her way out of her bedroom, through her living area and out into the corridor.

She hadn't realised quite how wound up it had left her feeling, lying there listening to the sudden and unexpected sounds of conflict next door. Each time she had heard a loud outburst, she had hoped that it would be the last, and each time yet another noise had made itself heard, she had felt the tension rise just a little more.

Once in the corridor, she drew in a steadying breath and made a conscious effort to repress some of the irritation she felt.

Her fingers hesitated for a fraction of a second, hovering over Chakotay's chime, as suddenly there was nothing but silence from within her first officer's quarters. Then it started again. "You're not kidding are you?" one of them shouted. "You really don't know! You want to _forget them too_ , that's the fucking _problem_ here!"

She pressed the chime. It was instantly quiet again inside. No one answered. She pressed it again. She could hear footsteps approaching, and then Chakotay answered, still in uniform, which seemed odd, given the hour.

"Kathryn, I'm sorry." He looked like hell. The bags under his eyes rivalled her own.

One hand on her hip, the other running through her disorderly hair she sighed. "It's late, and I'd like to sleep."

"Of course. I apologise." He turned to look back into his quarters for a moment, and one hand tugged on his ear as he forced himself to look up and reconnect with her gaze. "I didn't realise it'd gotten that far out of hand and then-"

"Just promise me that you'll keep the noise down," she cut in.

"Of course, it's obviously time we both turned in anyway. I'm really sorry we disturbed you, Kathryn."

He looked wretched, and Janeway suddenly felt guilty. "Is everything all right? I mean… Obviously it isn't, but what I meant to say is, is there anything I can do to help?"

"We're both exhausted; we've both been having trouble sleeping. It's good of you to offer, but I think we just need to give each other a little space." His hands perched on his hips and he bowed his head a little, studying the carpet.

"Well, if you're sure," she replied, placing a hand on his upper arm, and searching his downcast face. "You know I'm only next door if you want to talk about it. Talk to someone different, that is."

Chakotay looked up just enough to make eye contact.

The sound of the internal bathroom door swishing could be heard; Kathryn looked in to see Captain Chakotay making his way towards them at the door. He stopped just short of where Chakotay stood. The younger man nodded to _Voyager'_ s captain and eyed the Commander. Chakotay was studying the carpet again.

"I should get some sleep," the Maquis stated quietly.

Chakotay met his gaze through heavily hooded eyelids. "Me too."

Then the younger man suddenly seemed to make sense of Janeway's presence.

"We woke you up? Sorry, that was unforgiveable. Guess we didn't realise-"

"It's OK, Chakotay has explained," she cut him off. "Let's all just try to get some sleep now. Good night," she pressed her hand to Chakotay's arm once more. "Hope the rest of the night is more peaceful."

"Good night, Kathryn, and I'm sorry."

The Maquis captain passed in front of his almost double without either man attempting to make eye contact again.

As the door to Chakotay's quarters closed, Kathryn suddenly became aware of the fact that she'd failed to fasten her robe. She started towards her own quarters, quickly wrapping the silky material tightly around herself and fastening the tie. Captain Chakotay was a few paces behind her.

She stopped outside her quarters and turned to bid him goodnight. He was already looking at her. "I really am sorry we disturbed you. Neither of us are exactly at our best at the moment."

"It's been hard on everyone, and, as I said earlier, I know it's been hardest on those of you who were on the away mission. I hope you don't regret accepting Chakotay's offer to go with them."

"No. I don't. Despite all this." He gestured vaguely with his right hand, wincing slightly.

Janeway went on, "I knew my decision about the memorial wouldn't be a popular one."

The Maquis squared up to her. "It was the right one. There's no doubt in my mind about that."

Janeway smiled weakly. "I'm glad you feel that way. But I'm sure you understand why others don't." As she had been speaking, she'd noticed him flex his right hand and she made sense of the expression she'd noted a few moments ago.

"Did the wall come off rather better than you did?" She pointed at his hand.

"Occupational hazard. I really need to stop punching that same piece of the bulkhead in there."

"Chakotay has a dermal regenerator he keeps-"

"I know." He cut her off.

"Then aren't you going to..." she trailed off as she realised she already knew the answer to that question. The man was too damn proud to go back and ask to use it. "You'd better call in at sickbay on your way to guest quarters then," she almost ordered.

He looked at her as if he were about to tell her to mind her own business, then replied, "It's fine, it can wait 'til tomorrow."

A sulking Doctor, still smarting from his failed attempts to leave the ship to pursue a career in opera, was probably the last thing this man felt like dealing with right now. Janeway found herself reaching for Captain Chakotay's hand to examine it. He hesitated for a split second before he let her touch him.

"It actually needs attention," she stated with calm authority.

She pressed the door release to her quarters. "Come in. Chakotay isn't the only one who likes to be prepared. This captain has her own regenerator, and she happens to know it's a higher spec than her first officer's. I prefer not to visit sickbay unless it's really necessary."

The Maquis leader followed her in.

"Take a seat." She gestured towards the sofa and went into her bedroom to get the dermal regenerator.

When she came out a few moments later, he was already settled on the sofa, head resting right back on the top of the sofa cushions, eyes closed. He looked like hell too, only very slightly less haggard than Chakotay.

She didn't want to startle him, so she sat down quite slowly next to him. "Here, may I?"

He opened his eyes and shifted position immediately to sit sideways on the sofa facing her, placing his injured right hand in hers and resting his left arm across the top of the backrest. He had unwittingly taken up the exact same posture her first officer had adopted on this sofa with ever decreasing frequency through the third, fourth and fifth years of their journey; the only difference was that his hand was in hers. It occurred to her that when Chakotay did come in here these days, they always sat in separate chairs, considerably further apart than she and the Captain were now positioned.

His skin was very warm to the touch. She knew it would be.

Two minutes and it was done. Two minutes during which he allowed his head to hang down and he closed his eyes. She was surprised he felt at ease enough to do that, but even as that thought was formulating, she realised he was simply beyond exhausted and was probably closer to falling unconscious than falling asleep. She guessed he'd probably been drinking at some point during the evening as well.

"There. You're done," she said quietly, as she lowered his newly regenerated hand towards his lap.

He opened his eyes again and she found herself looking straight into the same dark eyes that had been downcast and studiously avoiding her in the corridor.

"Thank you. I appreciate a captain who takes good care of her crew." A smile graced his handsome features.

"Does that mean you consider yourself one of my crew now?" Her curiosity had been peaked.

"Why? Do you fancy breaking in another one?"

Janeway was caught off guard by how fast he could switch between charm and challenge, but she was simply too tired to rise to this, so she went on regardless.

"So, what were you arguing about?"

"You mean you didn't hear?"

"No, just voices. _Loud_ voices."

"Sorry."

"Apology accepted, but what was it about, if you don't mind me asking?"

"You know. He already told you he thinks you were wrong to repair it, that it is wrong to make anyone live the experience of committing crimes they aren't responsible for."

"And you can't just agree to differ?" As she posed this question, Janeway was very conscious of the fact that the man opposite her had been one of only two people on _Voyager_ who had experienced the memories of a surviving Nakan colonist. Until he and the other member of the crew had started to recount their memories, everyone had believed that the entire colony had been wiped out. Captain Chakotay had recounted the events of that night from the point of view of one of the twenty-four Nakan who had absconded and hidden in the area surrounding the colony, in order to subvert the soldier's attempts to move the colonists out.

"No. He refuses to think about what it would mean to allow those deaths to be forgotten. He's too damn worn down inside to care anymore. Those unarmed people who were slaughtered like cattle, they deserve to be remembered. All the Nakan wanted was to stay, to keep their homes, to stay on that land they had lived on for centuries."

"So you don't believe they would have been allowed back there, after the troubles were over?"

She watched as a small mirthless smile curled the corner of his sculpted mouth.

"Temporary relocation! What kind of fool would believe that bullshit? Racial cleansing, that's what was going. We weren't ever going to follow those goons to the transports, they knew that, that's why they opened fire."

Kathryn searched for something she could offer that might reassure him. "Now that we've repaired the monument and the memories will be transmitted in sequence, do you think others will understand what happened better than we were able to? Maybe it will become clearer how it all began, and whether there were reparations after the event?"

Suddenly he was energised again and on his feet. Furthering this conversation had been a mistake. It was clear he was about to revisit parts of the argument that had been raging next door for hours while she had been failing to find sleep.

"Does it really matter exactly how it began? Who fired first? The vast majority of the Nakan were unarmed. Those men, those old men and those women and children, they had no weapons, and those cowards just shot at them. They were just shooting indiscriminately! Shooting into crowds of civilians. What sort of a man can do that? I'm the first to admit I've killed, sometimes with my bare hands if I had to, but to shoot into crowds of women and children and… old…" his voice momentarily gave way but he regained control and finished his sentence "old men and old women. For someone who can do that, I have nothing but contempt. Even if it was one of the Nakan who were hiding who fired at the soldiers first – that still doesn't justify it. There can be no justification for that. Those people shouldn't ever be forgotten."

"I'm so sorry, Chakotay." She realised she'd called him Chakotay, and felt unsure of why that seemed so significant.

_That's his name for God's sake!_

"I didn't mean to…." she faltered.

He turned to face her, suddenly ill at ease, the confidence that had surrounded him until now having completely evaporated. "Please don't apologise. I'm sorry…. I don't know what…" he trailed off. "I should go and let you get some rest."

Janeway stood and took a couple of steps towards him with the intention of seeing him to the door, presuming he was about to make his way there and say goodnight. "You're right, we'll all see things more clearly in the morning. The Doctor says the memories are fading already. It's just a matter of time." She watched him perch hands on his hips and bow his head as he collected himself, the posture so utterly Chakotay, _her_ Chakotay.

"That's what he said. It's just a matter of time. But how can that be right? All that means is that we'll forget them." He looked up and straight at her. "I'll forget that old man who died in my arms. And those people who were vaporised in front of you, you'll forget them, and you'll feel better."

"I…" Instantly, Janeway could see them again. She could hear the noise of the weapon that effected their instant negation. It was too much. "I'm sor... " she tried, but her voice wouldn't come again and she felt the tears she had had under control for hours, days even, leak out. _Damn him._ She raised her hand to her cheek to wipe away the evidence of her distress and moved to turn away.

Then she felt his hand on her arm stopping her from withdrawing and the next thing she knew, she was engulfed within his embrace.

" _Please_ forget I said that. I'm so sorry. He's right. I'm an idiot. Forgive me. You have every right to feel better, to move on. You've done nothing wrong." His voice came, soft and low.

It was a long time since anyone had hugged her, and Kathryn felt instantly tense and uncomfortable. Her instinct was to pull away, but something stopped her. His arms were around her, and her hands were pressed up against his chest. His head rested over hers and he was talking into her hair as he held her gently, but firmly, telling her it was all right.

"It wasn't your fault; go ahead and cry. We only meant to make a stand; we never meant to get everyone killed. I'm sorry. So sorry."

As she listened to his soft voice, she realised he wasn't really talking to her at all, and this embrace wasn't about her needs. It was about his need to express his remorse, although remorse for what exactly, she was no longer certain, and just for a moment there she couldn't even be completely sure he hadn't started hallucinating again.

The stress of the last few days and her sleepless state of semi-exhaustion were seriously undermining her much prized self-sufficiency, and after only a few seconds she allowed herself to relax and to acknowledge somewhere within just how good it felt to be held, now, within these strong, comforting arms. This sort of basic human contact was something she had become accustomed to doing without.

After holding her close and hugging her for long enough for her to relax against him, he finally released her and Janeway forced herself to make eye contact. She spoke immediately, keen to avoid any awkward silences.

"Thanks, I think I needed that. Most people don't really think to hug the Captain."

He smiled, and then leant in so close to her ear that she could feel his breath as he spoke. "No? Well, you're not my Captain. Not yet at least, so we'll have to rectify that situation."

Her hand had found its way to his chest again. "Goodnight."

He leant in again and she felt his lips press to her cheek. "Goodnight Kathryn."

[TBC]


	13. Chapter 13

On board the Delta Flyer

Janeway listened as her first officer continued his explanation concerning the lack of progress in locating Seven, Tuvok and Captain Chakotay.

She had set a course back to _Voyager_ as soon as she'd been informed that Seven and Tuvok's shuttle had been hijacked. Only minutes later, Lieutenant Ayala had reported back to _Voyager_ that the Maquis Captain had gone missing during the night from the beach resort on the Norcadian homeworld where a small group of crewmembers had been spending their shore leave.

Chakotay had described to Janeway how Seven and his almost-twin had then appeared as contestants in consecutive Tsunkatse matches. Matches that many of _Voyager_ 's crew, including her first officer, had found hugely entertaining until their shipmates had appeared in the pit.

_"We've scanned the Norcadian surface, Captain. There's no sign of them."_

"Any luck tracing the transmission?"

_"We're trying, but it's not easy. There are transmissions being sent to every planet in the sector."_

"I guess you aren't the only ones who enjoy this sport."

Kathryn heard B'Elanna offering her opinion to Chakotay. "It could take days before we figure out where they are being held."

"What about diplomatic channels?" Janeway suggested.

_"Neelix is meeting with a group of Norcadian officials."_

"Well, let's hope he gets their co-operation."

_"When can we expect you back?"_

She checked her exact position again. "I'm at the outer rim of the Pendari system. At best, I'm forty-eight hours away."

_"Sorry to cut your vacation short."_

"That's okay, Commander. Keep me informed. Janeway out."

She focused on the panel in front of her, and took a deep breath. It would be nice if just one time, they could find somewhere for shore leave where nothing happened other than shore leave.

Where no one accidentally disturbed a sacred shrine and ended up in a coma, no one got prosecuted for thought-crime, no one got into a bar fight, no one decided they'd like to stay and pursue a career in the operatic arts and no one got themselves pressganged into alien gladiator games….

Just one time.

Perhaps by the time she got back, Chakotay would have it all under control?

* * *

Twelve hours later

"Any new developments since your last transmission, Commander?" She could tell from his face on the viewscreen that the situation couldn't have changed much.

_"B'Elanna is sending you the co-ordinates of the ship they're transmitting from, so at least we know where they are now."_

"Acknowledged. I've got them."

_"Locating them has been the easy part. You'll see from the data we're sending you that the ship is heavily shielded and they've got neutronic weapons. This isn't going to be an easy fight."_

"The harder they come, Commander."

Janeway heard him chuckle as he cracked a smile.

_"That's exactly what I said."_

"Have they had our people in the pit again?" She felt something inside tense up as she prepared herself to hear the latest news.

_"I'm afraid so. There's still been no sign of Tuvok, but Seven's in there now, holding her own and the Captain has been in there twice."_

"How's he fairing?"

_"Let's just say, it wasn't pretty."_

_Voyager_ 's Captain frowned. "I want more of a report than that, Commander!"

_"Well, he was lucky with his first fight. They'd paired him up with a giant of a man, but the first time the Captain landed a blow to one of his target sensors, the man went into some sort of neural shock and collapsed."_

Janeway's eyebrows rose. "And they called the fight off?"

_"Actually, they declared the Captain the winner. It seems they considered it a fair fight. Apparently they don't bother assess their contestants' medical conditions before forcing them into that arena, or they aren't interested in comparative alien physiology. I'm guessing that man's lucky to be alive. Perhaps his species just can't tolerate a bio-plasmic charge of that magnitude."_

"And what about his other fight? And how's Seven?"

_"We're watching them right now."_

"Them?"

_"Yes. They've got them fighting each other. Needless to say, my money's on Seven."_

"And are they really fighting each other?"

_"From what we've seen so far, I'd say they're making it look like a real fight - presumably to keep their captors happy - but they're also trying not to break any bones. They're doing a pretty convincing job so far. The Doctor's going to be busy when we get them back."_

"Guess that's one fight you'd rather you didn't have a ring side seat for, Commander."

_"You're right there, Captain. Harry's monitoring them now. I swear I felt that last blow Seven landed to his back."_

"Well, best leave the task of monitoring to Harry then. Let me know the minute there are any developments. I'll be there as soon as I can, Janeway out."

* * *

Sickbay, two days later

Janeway entered sickbay to be greeted by the welcome sight of the three recent abductees.

 _Voyager_ 's Captain had arrived back in the Delta flyer just in time to help disrupt the fight ship's transmitters. Eventually they were able to beam their people out, together with an Hirogen who had spent the best part of nineteen years as a captive combatant.

Chakotay had just returned to the bridge after escorting the Hirogen to the transporter room to oversee his departure. They had been lucky enough to locate a hunting party only three light-years away, who had agreed to rendezvous with them to pick up him up.

On the far side of the room, Kathryn could see Tuvok lying motionless, presumably still under sedation in the surgical bay. Seven and Captain Chakotay were clearly much recovered. Seven was leaning against the first biobed, her back to the door, and the Maquis was facing her, leaning against the second bed. The Doctor was scanning Seven's ocular implant, and the three of them were in mid-conversation when Janeway entered.

The former Borg was wearing a silver body suit, not dissimilar to her usual attire, except that it was sleeveless. The Captain had on tight-fitting silver pants of the same fabric as Seven's outfit, and he was bare-chested, save a sort of harness of the same silver material. It consisted of tight shoulder straps that crossed in the middle of his back to connect to one wide strap around his torso. The only function of the harness appeared to be to house the target sensors on his chest and back. The Doctor must have already removed the sensors from both of their costumes, as all that was visible now was a circular indentation where they had been attached.

It didn't escape Janeway's notice that dressed in these matching costumes they made a memorable couple. His dark colouring and the bronze skin of his broad shoulders, bare arms and hairless chest contrasted strikingly with the pale Nordic beauty of Seven's complexion and her slender, shapely form. Their captors had known exactly what they were doing when they'd paired them to fight one another in the pit. It must have been just the sort of sensational spectacle that would ensure high viewing figures.

"Seven, Captain Chakotay - good to have you back." Janeway stopped at the end of the first biobed and smiled at them both.

"Thank you, Captain." Seven replied, turning to face Janeway. "I am certainly glad to be here. The Doctor informs us that your arrival in the Delta flyer was timely."

"I'll second that," added the Maquis. "Any longer and I don't think there'd have been much left of me to beam out."

"Was your opponent more than you could handle then?" Janeway asked, ensuring her gaze didn't stray below his shoulders.

His face cracked into a wide smile. "She just seemed to have a little trouble grasping the concept of 'acting'."

Janeway watched as a small smirk appeared on the perfect, full lips of her protégée. Seven replied coolly, "As you well know, it was imperative our fight appear authentic, so minor injuries were unavoidable. You wouldn't have wished them to discontinue our fight and place us with other more deadly opponents."

His head dipped momentarily and he smiled. Then he looked up at the young woman. "You're right there. Better the devil you know."

The former Borg arched an eyebrow to counter immediately, "I'm sorry if you were disappointed that I didn't simply fall to the floor the moment you made contact with my target sensor, like your first unfortunate victim."

This time his response came just as swiftly. "Good job you didn't, or it would've been up to me to try and take care of Tuvok, with my 'surprisingly crude first aid skills.'"

Seven seemed to be trying to repress another smirk, and before she replied she connected with Janeway's gaze. "I am used to observing Captain Janeway on away missions and had presumed all captains would be capable of similar levels of medical competence."

The Maquis looked between the two women before replying. "Not all captains live up to Captain Janeway's standards, you know," his dark eyes showing his amusement as he gestured towards _Voyager_ 's leader.

Janeway's mouth twitched and she folded her arms across her chest.

Seven continued, addressing her comments to Janeway again. "What Captain Chakotay lacks in medical knowledge, he makes up for in the area of the dramatic arts. His 'play fighting' skills were clearly superior to mine."

The Maquis stood up fully from leaning against the biobed, closing the small gap between himself and the young woman. "I'd be happy to show you how to play fight any time, Seven." His comment punctuated by a light punch to her upper arm.

Kathryn thought she could see the beginnings of a blush spreading across Seven's upper body, the rising colour of her skin contrasting with the silver of her low-cut bodysuit. The question posed itself somewhere in the back of Janeway's mind as to whether these two were flirting. The Maquis looked across from Seven to Janeway, to find the latter's eyes already on him; he held her gaze until she looked away.

Voyager's captain turned briskly to the Doctor. "Have you been able to successfully treat all their injuries, Doctor?"

"Indeed I have, Captain. Seven suffered severe bruising to her arms, face and torso, and some minor internal bleeding, which I was able to get to in time to prevent serious damage. The bruising around her implants was particularly severe, but there will be no permanent damage."

"And Captain Chakotay?"

"His injuries were similar, multiple contusions, consistent with repeated forceful blows. He also had three cracked ribs, and some minor internal bleeding around his spleen, but the repairs were quite routine. I only have a few more scans to perform and then they will both be free to go. I'll fill you in on Commander Tuvok's condition in the surgical bay; his recovery will be more lengthy."

"Very good Doctor."

"The Captain here will need someone to bring him some clothes, however," the Doctor went on. "Perhaps Commander Chakotay would be so kind?"

Janeway was curious. "Did they destroy the clothes you were wearing when you were abducted?"

There was a pause, during which a look passed between Seven and the Maquis. Then Seven spoke. "The Captain arrived in the living quarters on the alien vessel without his clothing."

"But you and Tuvok didn't?" Janeway frowned.

"That is correct, Captain."

Chakotay junior finally spoke up and his eyes twinkled a little as he confessed. "Hasn't Commander Chakotay ever taken a midnight dip in all these years? It's a tradition among my people. Did you see those beaches? The sea was so warm, it was perfect."

Janeway couldn't help but smile. "Reminds me of a story Chakotay told me about a transporter malfunction."

She could see that her comment caught the Maquis off guard, but he still laughed. "And this time I didn't even have a combadge."

He held her gaze for a moment, during which she felt sure they were both contemplating the same paradox. He was still getting to know her, but she already knew countless things about his life that he had not yet chosen to share with her.

"In the light of that story, and given the manner in which the Captain arrived on _Voyager_ and on the alien vessel that abducted him this week, I may need to subject him to a psychological assessment," the Doctor mused. "This habit of turning up in places naked demonstrates exhibitionist tendencies I have yet to note in the Commander."

"Come on Doc, that's hardly fair!" the Maquis threw back at him. "I think it's more likely I'll start to suffer from a fear of _removing_ my clothes, in case someone transports me somewhere again."

"Gymnophobia? Interesting. I've never treated a gymnophobic. Mmmm… That would make a fascinating paper, _Transporter related Gymnophobia_."

During this conversation, the Doctor had completed his scans of Seven's ocular implant, and now he addressed Janeway. "If you're ready Captain, I'd like to explain Commander Tuvok's condition to you."

"Of course, Doctor. After you." Janeway nodded to Seven and Captain Chakotay and followed the physician to the other side other room to stand at the side of Tuvok's biobed.

As the Doctor detailed the inspired and ground breaking techniques he had employed to treat her chief of security, Janeway could see Seven and Captain Chakotay in her peripheral vision. Janeway's protégée was attempting to help the Maquis out of the harness strapped over his upper body. It seemed to be fastened very tightly, and their initial attempts to free him of it failed. Both the Doctor and Janeway turned to look towards them when the sound of laughter from that side of the room interrupted the flow of the physician's detailed account.

Seven had attempted to pull the shoulder straps of the harness down so that the Captain could slip his arms out, but she had somehow managed to pin one of his arms to his side, and get the other strap stuck half way down his broad shoulders.

The Doctor called over to them, "Might I suggest a pair of scissors?"

[TBC]


	14. Chapter 14

Three days later

The command team entered the messhall together and joined the line at the serving counter.

Repairs were well on the way to being completed and for the past two days _Voyager_ had been crossing a relatively calm area of unpopulated space. Kathryn had worked straight through the first part of the shift, as usual, spending it mainly in her ready room. Chakotay had brought in a report for her attention and she had let him persuade her to take a real lunch break for once, leaving the bridge in the capable hands of the now fully recovered Tuvok.

Kathryn chose a slice of some baked meat-like loaf with Neelix's 'seasonal salad'. As she was wondering what on earth 'seasonal' could really mean on a starship travelling through space, she looked out across the messhall.

Her eyes were immediately drawn to Captain Chakotay who was seated next to Seven, sharing a table with Tom and B'Elanna. The Maquis leader seemed to sense her gaze and looked up immediately, acknowledging her with a slight nod and a smile. Seven noticed this, and followed the path his eyes had taken and mirrored the gesture seconds later. Kathryn smiled pleasantly.

Chakotay accepted a plate of the dubious looking lunchtime special – he was always the more adventurous of the two of them when it came to Neelix's offerings – and the command team seated themselves at their usual table, next to the viewport. Kathryn watched as her first officer's eyes found those of his younger self seated a few tables away and a look passed between them.

"It's good to see him sitting with Tom," Kathryn began, mindful of the fact Chakotay had told her that his counterpart had simply avoided the pilot completely during the first two weeks of his stay on board.

"Yes, that was the only good thing that came of that two week mission," Chakotay replied, before tucking into his lunch.

The aftermath of that mission involving the memorial had traumatised the crew and had been the cause of a fundamental disagreement between herself and her lunch companion; it certainly wasn't something Kathryn wanted to talk about again. She and Chakotay hadn't spent much social time in each other's company since.

She quickly changed the subject. "We really need to make some decisions about his status on board. Do you realise it's been over a month now since he appeared?"

"Yes, I do. We were just talking about it last night actually. I've given it some thought, and so has he, but so far we haven't come up with much. He still isn't keen to go down that road at all. He sees it as the first step towards giving up hope that he'll ever get back."

"Understandable of course, but we have to face the possibility that his relocation here is permanent. It certainly seems that way at present. And he can't just keep shadowing you for ever."

"Agreed." Chakotay looked up from his lunch to meet her gaze. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, the role of first officer is taken."

The present incumbent frowned at her, unimpressed, and continued chewing his lunch.

"So, perhaps some supporting role in tactical?" Kathryn mused.

"Reporting to Tuvok?" Chakotay asked, before taking a large swig of his water.

 _Probably to wash away the taste of whatever that was_ , Kathryn thought.

"Would that be a problem?" she asked, putting down her knife and fork after only a few mouthfuls, as the not-actually-very-meat-like loaf got the better of her.

"Not necessarily, but I guess it might make for an awkward period of transition."

Kathryn picked up her fork again to toy with her salad as she took a moment to consider the options. "Perhaps we could consider making changes to Tuvok's role somehow. Dividing tactical off from security? Tuvok would retain security and our new Chakotay could take on some of the responsibility for tactical?"

Her Chakotay watched her playing with her salad for a moment as he finished his mouthful. "That's a possibility I suppose, although I'm not sure Tuvok would be enthusiastic about that suggestion."

"Hmm. " Kathryn had to concede she could already see the Vulcan raising an unimpressed eyebrow. "Maybe not."

"This evening I'll try again and I'll speak to my friend over there," he motioned to table occupied by his counterpart, "and see if we can come up with any more viable solutions. If I can get to him before he hits the pool table that is."

"He's a regular in Sandrine's then?"

"I think he's turned beating Tom at pool into some kind of therapy."

Kathryn laughed and her first officer's responded by cracking a smile.

"And what about a name? We can't keep on calling him 'Captain'. He doesn't even have a ship anymore!"

Chakotay blew out a long breath before replying this time. "You're right of course. But I can't get an answer out of him about that either. We just have the one name. It's not like we have a middle name or a family name to resort to."

He polished off another forkful of his 'special' lunch before continuing, "I guess we should be able to share it really. We already have more than one Michael, more than one William and more than one Maria in our crew."

"True enough." Janeway acknowledged. "But they usually come up with some sort of nick name or derivative to help differentiate."

"Tom tried to suggest Chak, or Chakka the other evening."

"And?"

The look Chakotay was giving her was an answer in itself. Kathryn had to admit that neither of the two men really looked like a 'Chak' or a 'Chakka' to her.

The command team ate in companionable silence for a few minutes. Kathryn finished her seasonal salad, and then found her gaze drifting to the left of Chakotay, to the table occupied by his almost-twin and his lunch companions.

Seven was listening to something B'Elanna was saying, and then all of them laughed, Seven included. The former Borg laughed rarely. When she did, the transformation was striking. When her features became animated, the austere beauty of her pale face at rest was replaced by something really quite captivating.

"He seems to be getting on well with Seven," Janeway remarked casually to Chakotay. Suddenly, she felt his eyes on her, studying her face.

"Yes, they've struck up quite a rapport. She seems at ease around him."

"He certainly looks at her in a way I've never seen you do." Even as she uttered the words, Kathryn was kicking herself. His reaction was immediate.

A small smile lifted the corners of his mouth. "Feeling a little protective today, Kathryn?"

Kathryn fiddled with her combadge. "She's inexperienced, Chakotay. You know that as well as I do. I just think he might be… more… more than she can handle."

He chuckled. "I think you're jumping the gun a little there. Obviously I can't speak for him, but I think he's just being friendly. Seven could use a few more friends you know."

Janeway raised an eyebrow and her first officer's dark eyes twinkled a little as he added, "Stand down red alert, Captain."

[TBC]


	15. Chapter 15

Chakotay and his almost-twin sat side by side at the bar in Sandrine's. Again.

They'd already spent the best part of an hour discussing what role the Captain could see himself taking on aboard _Voyager_ , and now, finally, there was a concrete proposal to put to Kathryn in the morning.

At first the Maquis had refused to take the task seriously, and would only offer less than helpful suggestions: personal assistant to Captain Janeway; body guard to Captain Janeway; personal trainer for Captain Janeway; official food taster and menu consultant for Captain Janeway; holodeck programme designer for Captain Janeway.

Chakotay got the hint.

"So, you'd like a role that means you get to spend time with the Captain?"

"Seems only fair, don't you think?"

"How so?"

"Well, the job I'm best qualified to do is already taken and it would have had me sitting right next to her. I can't see you agreeing to job-share somehow."

"Actually, I'd love to. But I'm not sure anyone else would go for it. Might lead to confusion, not to mention resentment about our reduced hours."

Eventually, they came up with a proposal, basing it partly on Kathryn's idea of dividing off some of Tuvok's responsibilities.

Their suggestion was that Chakotay junior take over certain tasks from the first officer and others from Tuvok. They would frame their proposal in such a way as to ensure it was clear to the Vulcan that he would retain seniority and that he would be able to specify which of his responsibilities he would like to delegate. Chakotay resisted the temptation to suggest that his almost-twin took on all the parts of his own job that he himself disliked.

Rank had yet to be discussed. Chakotay wondered how his younger self would feel about a demotion to Lieutenant Commander, as that would be the most appropriate level for the role they were devising. Given how unwilling his counterpart still was to think about any of this, the first officer suspected there wouldn't be much objection. Despite having spent weeks on the ship so far, it was abundantly clear that the Maquis still didn't really want to start thinking of himself as part of _Voyager_ 's crew.

Then they had another attempt to decide on whether the younger man should adopt a different name. He wasn't at all keen on the idea and they got nowhere fast.

They ended up playing pool with Ayala instead. Right from the beginning Mike hadn't had any problem making it clear which of the two men he was referring to. He simply called Captain Chakotay 'Boss'. Shame something so simple wouldn't work elsewhere. It was hard to imagine Kathryn calling any man 'Boss'...

A few hours and a few games of pool later and they found themselves leaning side by side against the bar. Chakotay was smiling, as pool seemed to be one of the few games at which he could actually beat his counterpart. Six years on board _Voyager_ had been good for something.

He decided this might be a good time to double-check his gut feeling about Kathryn's suspicions. "So, I heard a rumour today, that you might have developed an interest in Seven. Any truth in it?"

"You mean _that_ sort of an interest?" the younger man stalled, eyes still focussed on the back of the bar.

"You know what I mean." Chakotay moved slightly to angle himself to face the younger man.

"She's a very beautiful and intelligent woman." His counterpart sipped his drink.

The first officer studied the other man's face for moment. "And?"

"And no, I'm not developing that sort of 'interest'. We're friends."

Chakotay was satisfied with this answer. It made sense to him.

Then his counterpart turned his head to look him full in the face. "Where d'you hear this rumour anyway?"

There followed another short pause while the older man considered whether he should risk betraying a confidence. "Kathryn is very protective of her."

The Captain blew out a breath through his nose, just short of a snort of derision. "Kathryn is envious of her, you mean."

Chakotay laughed, genuinely surprised. "You're joking, right?"

"No. I'm not."

That Kathryn might envy Seven of Nine, or any other woman for that matter, was something Chakotay had never considered. Still unconvinced, his brow furrowed and he turned back to face the bar. The two men drank in silence for a while.

Eventually, the younger man commented quietly, "You still never told me why it didn't work out with you and Kathryn."

The older man didn't answer.

"If you can't even talk to yourself, who can you talk to?"

 _True_ , Chakotay thought, but he wasn't sure he felt any need to talk. Period.

"So you've just given up on her then?" His counterpart was nothing if not persistent.

A resigned sigh preceded the first officer's reply. "No. But she made it clear she isn't interested."

"I don't buy it. She's interested all right. I can feel it. And if she's interested in me, then she's interested in you." He was adamant, and annoyingly over-confident.

"Look, I know you're trying to help here, but I'm telling you, she isn't interested in me, in that way. There was a time… but…"

"But what?"

Chakotay twisted his glass in his hand. He took a long pull on his drink, then turned his head to the side and forced himself to meet the all-too-familiar dark eyes that were still fixing him.

"Last year, we had a misunderstanding, over a birthday gift, here on the holodeck in Tom's Venice programme." Chakotay shifted his body weight and leaned both forearms on the bar.

The younger man listened calmly, his expression clearly conveying the fact that he was expecting an explanation of _what_ happened, rather than details of where and when.

The first officer failed to prevent his free hand from reaching his ear. "She gave me a bonding box."

"And you _misunderstood_?" his counterpart looked incredulous.

" _She_ misunderstood. She thought it was a symbol of friendship."

"I see. So?"

"So, things… happened, and then…"

"What things exactly?" his counterpart cut him off.

"I kissed her. We kissed."

"And?"

"And that was it." Chakotay turned back to face the bar, and began twisting the glass again.

"One kiss in six years?" His companion shook his head in dismay.

The older man ignored this interjection and went on, "She said she couldn't see her way to having a relationship while we're in command together out here."

"And you just left it there?"

Chakotay could sense his counterpart was still unimpressed. "I respected her decision, yes."

"You gave up too easily."

As they both leant against the bar, the older man silently acknowledged somewhere deep inside that perhaps there might actually be some truth in that simple statement.

Captain Chakotay was still speaking. "Right now I'm not sure whether it's the six years in the Delta Quadrant that have made you like this, or six years of not quite having her."

"And what exactly is ' _this_ ' like?" Chakotay's reply was a little louder than he'd intended. He could feel the heat rising in his neck as his tolerance for the freedom with which his counterpart offered opinions on his personal life began to wear very thin.

"This - your lack of expectation, about making a life with someone here, on the ship, in the present. It's not like you."

"Not like you, you mean."

"Yes, but it's…. it's something fundamental about me, about us. Women find me – us. There's always someone, and we don't say no, usually, do we?" The Captain looked at him expectantly.

Chakotay shrugged.

The younger man went on, "And there are plenty of attractive, intelligent women on this ship. So, I've been asking myself what would change that? And there's really only one answer. In fact I've even seen it - With that Gilmore woman. You… you give nothing back. And I want to know why. All because Janeway turned you down?"

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Then explain it to me. If it's about Janeway, then do something about it." Now it was the younger man's turn to vent his frustration a little.

"Look, we're done here, OK?" Chakotay shifted round to see who was playing pool, ready to make his escape and get himself into the next available game.

"I'm not. There's one more thing."

The first officer sighed heavily again, exasperated. He felt as if his sorry excuse for a personal life had been out in the spotlight now for far too long.

"You know what Father would say if he could see they way you're living here?"

Chakotay could think of a several things he father would say. "No. Enlighten me."

"He'd say 'our people have a saying, Chakotay; you can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.' And he'd be right."

"Lecture over yet?"

"No. If you honestly think Janeway has no interest in you, then _move_ on. Get to know Seven. She may be inexperienced, but she's intelligent, beautiful - obviously - funny and actually rather sweet, and, she is interested in us. Definitely. So, take the time to get to know her a little."

"I don't know if it makes sense to talk about 'us' when it comes to personal relationships. There is no 'us'."

"You're wounding me," the younger man deadpanned.

"Cut it out." Chakotay suddenly had an appreciation for B'Elanna's frequently aired complaints about his sense of humour.

"I'm just saying, if what you say is true, then open your eyes to other possibilities."

Chakotay looked into the bottom of his glass. _Seven_? Really?

His almost-double still wasn't done. "I for one still think there's something real there with Kathryn, but if you don't want to explore it, then maybe I will. And I can tell you now, I sure as hell won't be giving up after one kiss."

Chakotay took a deep breath to help suppress the sudden urge to swing for the man next to him. "Good luck with that."

[TBC]


	16. Chapter 16

Janeway stepped off the turbolift at deck three and made her way down the corridor, already imagining how good it would feel to take off her boots. She hadn't yet had an evening meal, but she had passed the point of feeling hungry several hours ago. Some soup would do.

The day before, they had decided to send the _Delta Flyer_ on a survey mission to a nearby system, which had looked promising on long-range scans. Fresh food supplies would be running low again soon, and there was always a need to locate viable sources of deuterium. Chakotay, Neelix, Tom and Harry had left first thing, and so far they hadn't come up with much. They were expected back the following evening.

The day had been pretty routine and because of the absence of her first officer, she'd ended up working straight through lunch. She'd spent several hours going over the data again that they had accumulated on the day Chakotay's almost-twin appeared on board, but she still hadn't found anything useful.

As she approached her quarters, she passed him, his hand poised over the keypad to the first officer's quarters.

"Breaking and entering?" she asked.

He was already out of his new uniform, wearing a pale, collarless shirt, faintly striped with thin vertical lines of a wide spaced pattern. It hung loose over his pants, and it screamed New Earth at her. The only thing missing was the leather belt.

"We cooked last night, and I don't like letting leftovers go to waste. Old habits." He entered the code and the door opened.

Kathryn smiled. "Nothing wrong with that. Especially when it's Chakotay's cooking, or yours, I guess."

He turned back to connect with her gaze. "Care to join me? There's enough for two."

Janeway slowed to come to a stop a few paces from him. "That's kind of you, but I was just going to get some soup, I'm not really very hungry."

"Looks like you're in luck then. The leftovers on offer are mixed bean chilli soup and cornbread."

She dipped her head slightly as she decided how to respond.

Before she had formulated a reply he continued, "Wouldn't you rather share fresh food than eat replicated alone?"

Part of her was thinking he had a point, but then she heard herself say apologetically, "I'm not sure I'd be much company."

He turned to face her fully and held both arms out in an expansive gesture. "Come on Kathryn. I hate to eat alone and I need to be debriefed on my first few days as Lieutenant Commander. Humour me."

Her mouth curled up on one side as she spoke, "Well, I am rather partial to the Commander's cornbread."

"Good." He smiled. "And the rations you'd have used up on that soup should be enough to replicate us something to drink. I'm guessing you already know what I like."

He turned and went into Chakotay's quarters.

As Kathryn entered her own quarters she found herself wondering when exactly it was that her Chakotay had stopped trying to persuade her when she declined his invitations.

Once inside her quarters, she regrouped. It would be better if their meeting took place on her territory. She didn't interrogate herself as to why it seemed so important. She commed him and he was happy to go along with her suggestion to bring the food over.

A few minutes later Kathryn opened the door to find him juggling the soup canteen and the bread. Standing there like, dressed in those clothes - those particular clothes - it would be very easy to forget that this man was not her Chakotay. Obviously, he had no idea...

He stood there, waiting expectantly for directions as to where to locate plates and utensils. Of course he didn't know where anything was. He'd only been here once, very late at night, to have his hand seen to. She apologised for leaving him standing there waiting and pointed him in the right direction. He soon familiarised himself with where to find things and decided to reheat the soup a little more.

Kathryn had already made a start at laying the table, and once he'd sorted out the soup he turned to face her.

"Here, let me help," he said, as he moved towards the remaining crockery and cutlery waiting on the replicator.

Between them they finished the task in silence. She was very conscious of his large presence moving around her; somehow he seemed to take up more space than her Chakotay. Ridiculous really, since it hadn't escaped her notice that there was actually slightly less of this man than there was of the older version.

"Don't you usually change at the end of a shift?" he asked, as his eyes swept over her uniform.

"Don't see the need." One hand on her hip, she massaged her neck with the other hand as she found herself the focus his questioning look.

"I think it's important to take some time away from your work each evening if you get the chance." He hesitated, his voice softening slightly, "I bet you know that better than anyone." He finished laying out the cutlery and looked up again. "Changing out of uniform is the first step in helping me unwind."

"Well, yes, I can see how that might work," she conceded, placing the napkins on the table.

He was still looking at her expectantly. "Can't hurt to give it a try."

She smiled and gestured towards him with a sweeping movement of her hand. "Then, seeing as I have company, I'll make the effort. Give me five minutes."

"No hurry." He replied, seemingly satisfied with her decision. "This can heat through some more."

She emerged a few minutes later in a simple shift dress, and registered how this suddenly felt like a dinner date, rather than the sharing of some leftover food with a colleague for the sake of convenience.

He turned to take her in. "Blue suits you."

She lifted both hands from her sides, "Command red – never did go with my hair – but what's a captain to do?"

He motioned for her to sit and grinned. "You could always switch to science or medical."

"Bit late now, don't you think?" She settled herself in her seat and watched him carry the bowls of soup to the table where the cornbread was already sliced and waiting, next to the glasses and the bottle of wine she had replicated. She took a slice of the bread.

"It's never too late to be what you might have been," he stated as he sat down opposite her and immediately helped himself to some bread too.

"Who said that?" She frowned as she searched for the reference.

"Pretty sure I did," he deadpanned.

She pursed her lips and scowled at him. "Wasn't it George Elliot? – 19th Century English writer?"

He was already tucking into the chunky bean soup, "Well, he wasn't wrong."

Kathryn laughed. "She, actually."

"George?" His spoon stopped this time half way to his mouth.

Janeway smiled at him. "She was actually called Mary something, if I remember rightly. Used a male pen name, to distance herself from the romantic fiction that most women writers were associated with at that time."

"A wise woman then."

"Absolutely." Kathryn tasted the soup. It was delicious, and her neglected appetite surfaced again.

"So what does this captain read then, when she's not entertaining her first officer or his almost-brother?"

She looked up. "I've worked my way through quite a few classics since we began this journey, and I was just about to start on a collection of 19th Century Irish poetry actually."

He looked surprised. "I would never have thought of you as someone who reads such ancient works. Had you down as thoroughly grounded in the 24th Century."

"I like to think I can appreciate the best the past has to offer as well."

"Good." He flashed a dimple and carried on before she could respond, "So was your interest in Irish culture inspired by that holodeck programme of Paris's that crashed a few weeks ago?"

"In part, yes. But probably more because my ancestors were Irish."

"I see. Ever been there, to Ireland?"

"As a matter of fact I have, yes. Spent some wonderful weekends in the countryside outside Dublin years ago." Just saying the word 'Dublin' made Kathryn think of the lush green landscape and the wonderful smell after the rain.

She didn't need to ask if he'd ever visited Ireland. She already knew. They ate their meal in silence for a few seconds. Was he also considering the fact that her prior knowledge of much of his personal history meant certain conversations were likely to be pretty one-sided?

He finished his soup and she watched as he used his napkin to wipe the corner of his mouth. He sat back slightly in the chair and smiled as she took another slice of cornbread to eat with the remainder of her soup.

"Not hungry, huh?"

"It's too good," she replied, as she swallowed a mouthful.

"My mother taught me to make it, she thought it was important I learnt how."

"Another wise woman. I'm grateful to her."

She could feel his gaze for a few seconds before he spoke. "You must miss your family a great deal."

"Of course. I'm sure everyone on the crew misses their loved ones and misses home."

"Some more than others. Some didn't have much to leave behind."

She swallowed the last of her bread and her eyes followed her fingers as they twisted round the stem of her wine glass. Then she looked up again. "I know about the devastation of your homeworld. Chakotay told me about it. I'm so sorry."

He looked away towards the viewport for a moment and returned to focus on her. "What's it been like for you, living out here for six years, away from the people you love?"

"I'm proud of what we've achieved out here. We've done a damn good job of surviving in this hostile quadrant."

"No argument there. I've read some of the mission logs." He sipped his wine. "But I was asking about your life out here, and you're talking about survival; there's a difference between survival and living, Kathryn."

"You of all people should know that sometimes it is more about survival. Living can become a luxury."

"True. But from what I've seen since I got here, in between the crises, most of your crew are doing their best to make a life for themselves here, on this ship. That's certainly what I intend to do if I don't get transported back to my own time somehow."

"And how does the prospect of being trapped here with us make you feel?" She studied his face, her fingers still playing with the stem of the wine glass.

"I'll adapt." His tone was more serious now. "I can't sacrifice the present waiting for the possibility of another inexplicable time shift. It may never happen." He held her gaze, his dark expressive eyes pulling her in. "The reality of this situation is that I may never be able to get back, and life on _Voyager_ looks pretty good to me, so I guess I'll try to make the best of the hand that life's dealt me."

Kathryn sat very still for several seconds, saying nothing; the familiar strangeness of hearing him say these words was deeply unsettling.

He seemed a little surprised by her silence and watched her with a slightly bemused expression on his face. "So, how about you? What sort of a life have you been carving out for yourself on Voyager?"

Kathryn was at a loss as to how to answer that.

"We're forgetting the wine, here." She half filled both their glasses, "I think you'll like it."

He smiled. "You haven't answered my question, and you _know_ I'll like it."

She welcomed the injection of levity and smiled. "I guess I am pretty confident you will, yes." She handed him the glass and his fingers grazed hers momentarily as he accepted it.

She looked up and their eyes met again. "I guess I have a pretty reliable source when it comes to predicting your tastes."

A small smile curled his defined lips and there was a slight pause. "Although you do seem to have managed to get it wrong in one department."

"Oh?"

"Apparently someone thought my tastes were steering me towards a certain young blonde woman."

Kathryn's gaze remained level for a second as she arrived at the answer to the question of how he could know that. Then she allowed her lips to curve into a smile, and an unmistakable intensity insinuated itself into the conversation. She wasn't going to make any apologies for her opinion. "Seven is a very beautiful woman."

He moistened his lips and held Kathryn's gaze. "Yes, she is." His eyes flickered to the side as he reached for the bottle to top up both their glasses before continuing. "But my interests lie elsewhere." He looked back up, directly into Kathryn's eyes. "Seven is looking for a father figure, and I could only ever see myself with an equal."

Kathryn was completely sure it wasn't a question of her memory letting her down: her Chakotay had only spoken to her once in six years about his personal life with this sort of candour - over a year ago on that evening in holographic Venice. She wasn't expecting this Chakotay to be so frank and so open. It wrong-footed her for a moment. Because now, she didn't actually think of her Chakotay as having a personal life, any more than she thought of herself as having one. They led _Voyager_. That was their life here.

"Shall we?" She stood slowly, picking up her glass and motioning with her free hand towards the comfortable seating area on the other side of her quarters. They had finished eating and it was hard to escape his unsettling gaze when seated opposite him at the table.

He nodded and immediately followed her lead to pick up his glass. Once on the other side of the room, she was about to seat herself in her large armchair when she realised he was heading for the low sofa under the viewport. Her Chakotay usually sat in the chair to the right of her own favourite chair. To take a seat in her chair now, facing away from this man would seem rude, so she followed him to the sofa.

He sat down, much in the same position as he had been in when she'd treated his hand a few weeks earlier, and she seated herself at a slight distance beside him and put her glass down on the side table.

"So, shall we begin then?" his handsome face was all expectation.

"Begin what?"

"My debriefing. The first week almost over. Time for an appraisal of my performance, don't you think?'

Kathryn cocked her head to one side. "First officer's job, I'm afraid."

"But in my case you'll need to make an exception. He's hardly going to be objective, is he?"

She took a sip of her wine and then replaced the glass on the low table. "I have every confidence in Chakotay's ability to handle you."

He laughed. "You make me sound like a troublesome teenager. I'm 41 Kathryn."

Voyager's captain laughed too, and she draped her arm across the backrest mirroring his posture.

"Are they sore?" he asked, nodding toward her feet, which she'd had pulled up underneath her on the sofa. She realised her hand had been massaging a particularly sore point on her right foot.

"It's those damn heels," she stretched out the word that referred to the offending items and massaged her aching feet a little more.

"Wear something different." He seemed to find this entertaining.

"They're regulation."

"Bend the rules. You're the Captain. Who's going to call you out on it?"

"You know that's not how it works here. If I start turning up for duty shifts in my own shoes, how long do you think it'd be before the Delaney sisters were coming on duty in those wonderful black stilettoes they seem to favour these days?"

"You sound envious. Don't you have any?"

"Now there's a question. I'm not actually sure what's in that wardrobe anymore!" she laughed at herself.

"Well, that's another situation we need to rectify."

"The first one being?" Janeway arched an eyebrow.

"Forgotten already? You said no one thinks to hug the Captain."

"Oh, that. Yes, you're right. I did."

"And here's another situation that needs immediate action." He shifted along the sofa towards her and reached for one of her slender feet. "You need a foot massage."

He was fast; his fingers were already pressing into the soft arch of her foot before she had time to object, gently but firmly driving out the ache of the day's passage around the ship.

"You can't tell me Chakotay has never done this for you. I refuse to believe he'd leave his captain in pain when the remedy is right here." He held up one of his hands as evidence.

"That feels wonderful." Kathryn closed her eyes and couldn't help but slide her other foot closer to those healing hands.

"That one has to wait its turn," came that velvet voice she hadn't heard in a while.

Kathryn giggled and Chakotay junior chuckled at the sound.

"Now that just won't do," she said, through closed lashes.

"Oh? I thought I was doing a pretty good job."

"The foot massage is wonderful, but you can't go making the Captain giggle. It's undignified. You're a captain yourself. You know that captains don't giggle. It's a court martial offence."

Another chuckle.

The waiting foot was eventually rewarded with the same delicious treatment as its fortunate partner. The almost pain-pleasure was exquisite. He certainly knew what he was doing. It'd be worth wearing the damn boots for the rest of her life is someone would do this every night. It was all she could do not to moan out loud at one point, when he started to press more firmly into her instep, splaying her toes at the same time and it somehow released charges of electricity up her calf and into her inner thigh.

_"Tuvok to Janeway."_

_Damn._

Kathryn opened her eyes and reached instantly to tap her combadge. "Janeway here. What is it Tuvok?"

_"The away team failed to check in, Captain, and the Delta Flyer has disappeared from long range sensors."_

"Thank you Tuvok, I'll need to change, see you on the bridge shortly."

_"Acknowledged, Tuvok out."_

Kathryn withdrew her feet from Chakotay junior's hand and quickly stood. Only now did she become aware of the fact that he had stopped massaging as they both listened to the Vulcan's communiqué, but he had continued to hold her feet, one hand absentmindedly stroking them, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and she hadn't withdrawn.

He followed her lead and stood also. His combadge chirped.

_"Tuvok to all senior staff. Report to the bridge immediately."_

He acknowledged Tuvok, holding Kathryn's gaze all the time he spoke.

Kathryn itched to change back into her uniform; she should never have allowed herself to be persuaded to change out of it in the first place.

"With Tom gone, we could use you at the helm."

"Understood." He started to make his way to the door, half way there he turned and his voice reached her just as she was about to cross the threshold into her bedroom, "I enjoyed your company, Kathryn. Thank you for inviting me in."

She turned as well and their eyes met briefly. "And thank you for sharing your dinner. See you on the bridge."

[TBC]


	17. Chapter 17

Two days later

Chakotay opened his eyes and let go of his counterpart's hand. With the akoonah sandwiched between their palms, he almost felt as if his right hand had fused together with the right hand of his younger self.

And that was exactly who he was.

The joint vision quest had left him in no doubt. The anomalies in the temporal mechanics be damned, he knew now with complete conviction that the man opposite him was his past self. Not a duplicate or someone from another dimension or alternative universe. They were two pieces of the same one life, the same one spirit.

They looked at each other and both blinked several times, eyes adjusting to the light of his quarters again.

"Well, guess I should start saying my goodbyes." His counterpart smiled.

Chakotay chuckled. "Maybe." He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, still blinking a little more rapidly than normal. "But I'm already starting to wonder if there's more than one way to interpret it. The 'unexpected journey' that's 'coming to an end soon' could just as easily be _Voyager'_ s journey."

"True, but I don't believe that's what Father meant."

Chakotay paused a moment. "No. I don't either really. But we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves. We both know the things we're told in a vision quest aren't always meant to be taken literally and it can take time to interpret the images."

They held each other's gaze for a moment longer.

Then the younger man got up off the floor and shook out each leg in turn. He fixed his eyes on Chakotay again for a second before he held out his right hand. The first officer immediately clasped it with his own and the younger man helped him up off the floor to stand. They faced each other in silence.

As he stepped slightly closer to pull his counterpart into an embrace he felt the other man move towards him with the same intention. They hugged for a few seconds, then Chakotay slapped him on the back, and spoke.

"It's certainly good to get you out of my head."

The younger man chuckled. "It was a strange experience, wasn't it? Both of us in the same body in the spirit world."

"Maybe that's a little how Grandfather felt, with the voices?" the first officer mused. "Only with hundreds more of them in his case…Pretty strange."

His counterpart nodded and fell silent.

The first officer began to consider their options. "So, I guess I should check we're still using long-range sensors round the clock to look for anything that might give us warning that you're about to jump ship." He rubbed his face with one hand. "Although I'm not quite sure how I'll phrase my reasons for wanting to re-focus our efforts again." Chakotay imagined the Vulcan's slowly rising eyebrow.

"Given how suddenly I arrived here, it's unlikely we'd pick up anything significant in time anyway." The younger man cocked his head to one side. "It's probably a good idea if I just live each day as if it were my last."

Chakotay frowned and pursed his lips. "As I said – this might not mean anything at all. You might be disappointed. Don't get your hopes up."

Having shared a body with and seen part way into the mind of his younger self during the vision quest, the first officer had a far clearer understanding now of his counterpart's attitude to being on board _Voyager_. He'd always known the Maquis had been reluctant to accept he would be staying in this timeline, but now he knew just how much the younger man had retained a sense of conviction all along that his relocation was only ever going to be temporary. It went a little way to explain the freedom with which the younger man had managed to approach some aspects of life on board.

Now that Chakotay felt such certainty that the two of them were pieces of the same man, any antipathy or resentment he'd felt creeping in at times when he'd observed his younger self's behaviour over the past few weeks instantly dissipated. Those feelings seemed irrelevant now. The younger man hadn't been subject to the same framework of constraints that had held Chakotay's life on Voyager in place since the moment he aimed the _Val Jean_ at that Kazon ship.

Chakotay junior replicated them both some tea and for a few minutes they sat in companionable silence on the low sofa under the viewport. Eventually the younger man spoke.

"There's one thing I'm going to do, before I disappear in a puff of smoke - I'm going to make my point to you about Kathryn." He cocked his head to one side and went on, "As long as I keep all my clothes on, hopefully I'll be granted the time to do that."

The first officer didn't respond to the 'joke' and sighed. "Look, you just have to trust me on this. There really isn't any more to be said."

"I can't do that. Because you're wrong. A year ago, maybe she wasn't ready - you'd know better than me about that. All I can say is that now, I honestly think she's ready to think about making a life on this journey. Maybe she doesn't want to be the one who's responsible for _starting_ something. She already has far too much responsibility. So take some of it away from her. _You_ start it. Make it your idea and don't give up so easily this time if she's not immediately convinced."

The first officer studied the carpet. "It just isn't as easy as that."

His counterpart seemed exasperated. "And how would you know? You don't even try anymore. I told you before, if you won't pursue her again, then I will. I'm going to show you what's already here for you. Then once I'm gone it'll be up to you to step in."

"Here for _you_ , maybe."

"What's mine is yours. We're the same person. If tonight showed us anything it's that. Both inhabiting the same body in the spirit world - do you really need more proof than that?"

Chakotay took a moment to reply. "No. But even if we both believe that we're two pieces of the same one life, other people aren't going to see us that way. And Father's message might not mean what it seems to right now; you might _not_ be going anywhere. So don't do anything either of us will regret."

The younger man flashed a smile. "I think I can promise you that."

[TBC]


	18. Chapter 18

Three days later

_Voyager_ 's first officer entered astrometrics, PADD in hand, to see the familiar statuesque figure of Seven standing at the main console, facing the huge floor-to-ceiling screen. She didn't turn as he entered. She rarely did, despite the fact that she obviously heard the door release and approaching footsteps.

He registered a slight buzz of anticipation as he prepared to disturb her from her work. Ever since the conversation he'd had with his counterpart the week before in Sandrine's in which the younger man encouraged him take a long hard look at his personal life - or rather the lack of it - Chakotay had been more conscious of his interactions with both Kathryn and Seven.

The conversation the two men had had a few days ago following their joint vision quest had also replayed itself several times over in his mind. Consequently, for the past few days Chakotay had watched Kathryn like a hawk for any sign at all that she might still harbour feelings for him, as his younger self had claimed. Try as he might, Chakotay just couldn't see it. He _wanted_ to, but he couldn't. After all, he was a scientist, and the evidence just wasn't there.

He knew what he'd felt as she responded with an unexpected and powerful desire the one and only time he'd ever kissed her. But so much had happened between them since that night in holographic Venice, over a year ago now. Kashyk: the Equinox: Seven's conspiracy theories… His younger self couldn't be expected to understand the significance of those episodes in Chakotay's life.

Now that he was making a point of paying attention to how Kathryn behaved towards him, he came to understand what it was his counterpart had meant on his very first day on _Voyager_ when he'd said Kathryn looked _through_ Chakotay. He'd concluded that this was a pretty accurate assessment of her attitude towards him now. She valued him as her first officer and dear friend, but she didn't even see him as a man anymore. How on earth his counterpart expected him to suddenly effect a change in how she saw him he honestly didn't know. The lines of their friendship had been drawn some time ago and the way things played out between them was habitual now.

As for her reactions to his younger self, well, Chakotay had already noticed that when it came to him, things were different. She certainly didn't look through _him_.

He had also paid more attention to his interactions with Seven. She had struck up a friendship with his younger self and that brought her into contact with both Chakotays relatively often. In addition, he had been obliged to interact with the former Borg quite a bit in the past few days, in the aftermath of his experiences with the Borg children who had initially kept him and his away team captive on the damaged cube.

Once he started paying attention to his interactions with Seven, he had been amazed to discover that the ex-drone watched him. He'd never noticed before. She watched his younger self too. Something about them clearly fascinated her. The first officer noted that Seven went as far as actively seeking out his counterpart's company. _She_ certainly didn't look through either of them.

Before his counterpart arrived on board, if anyone had ever pressed Chakotay to describe his relationship with Seven, the first officer would have said it was distant, but cordial. Now, he could sense that the young woman was actively trying to close some of that distance. Moreover, he found that he welcomed her efforts and it seemed completely natural to reciprocate. He was beginning to see her more as his counterpart had described her - funny, sweet and interesting - rather than as a rather unapproachable and complex young woman of unyielding, angular beauty.

"Good morning," he said as he approached, stopping beside her at the console.

She turned to acknowledge him. "Good morning, Commander."

"Latest tactical reports from Tuvok."

Seven accepted the PADD and placed it on top of her console. Her fingers continued to move over the controls.

"Looks like the Borg still haven't reacted to that cube exploding," Chakotay went on. "No sign of Borg activity or transmissions of any sort in this whole sector at the moment."

She stopped what she was doing and turned to face him. "That is consistent with my predictions. They had already classified the damaged cube and its inhabitants as irrelevant. The cube's destruction is unlikely to change that assessment."

Chakotay nodded and then leant in very slightly, hoping to engage Seven a little more as he addressed the real reason for his visit. "How are the children doing this morning?"

Seven's posture softened a little and she made eye contact again. "As you know, I was able to salvage their assimilation profiles, and I informed them of their designations the night we beamed them aboard." The first officer nodded. "Today I intend to focus on the small amount of biographical data I uncovered for each of them. Encourage them to use _Voyager'_ s database to familiarise themselves with what little we know of each of their species."

"Well, that's a start." He smiled. She returned the smile. Little things like that still surprised him slightly. She looked so different when she smiled.

She was speaking again. "Indeed. At present they are in sickbay. The Doctor needs to complete further scans in order to determine if he will be able to extract more of their implants."

Chakotay was mindful of the resonance the children's experiences must have for Seven and the need to tread carefully here. "Are you comfortable with the Captain asking you to offer them guidance as they find their feet here?"

The young woman looked decidedly _un_ comfortable. "I understand the logic of her request, yes."

"That's not exactly what I asked, Seven," he said cautiously, maintaining eye contact.

She hesitated and Chakotay waited while she looked away and focussed once again on the display of her workstation. Kathryn was the one who usually discussed anything sensitive with Seven, and the first officer didn't want to make her feel under duress to speak to him about this if she didn't want to. But he was also mindful of something he and his counterpart had both noted about Seven – that she could do with some more friends on board.

She finally looked up at him again. "I have no experience of children, Commander, so I am apprehensive. But I will attempt to complete the task the Captain has assigned to me."

He smiled encouragingly at her. "I don't doubt it. Well, you know where to find me if you need advice."

She smirked slightly and raised a perfect eyebrow to pose her query with obvious scepticism. "Advice from you about child-rearing?"

Chakotay's smile spread into a grin. "Yes, believe it or not. I might be able to help."

Seven's smirk spread into a small smile.

The first officer continued. "I grew up in a close-knit community and I often had responsibility for my younger cousins, whether I wanted it or not." She was still looking at him with poorly concealed amusement, making him all the more determined to impress her with his child-rearing credentials. "And before I joined the Maquis, I often stayed with my cousin in Ohio. He has three kids; I've had a lot of practice at finding things to keep them occupied."

Seven graciously acknowledged her prejudice. "I believe I may have underestimated you, Commander. Forgive me. If I find myself in need of advice, I will consider your offer."

He dipped his head and smiled. Then he added, "But of course, best qualified to help here are Neelix and Samantha Wildman, or crewmembers with children at home, like Mike Ayala or Joe Carey."

More serious again, Seven held his gaze. "Indeed."

Chakotay found his hand reaching to touch her upper arm to emphasise his reassurances as he spoke. "Good. Don't forget, any of us would be happy to help you plan a programme of activities, you only have to ask."

"I'll keep that in mind, Commander. Thank you." There was the smile again. Third times in five minutes. He felt more than a little guilty that he'd never taken the time to pay her more personable attention before now.

* * *

Messhall

Alpha shift had been over for an hour or so already when Janeway finally made her way to the messhall. She had no desire to eat Neelix's food, but it was nearing the end of the month and as usual, her replicator rations were running low. She decided to at least take a look at what he had concocted this evening. She had always been an optimist.

As she entered the messhall, Kathryn took in the now familiar sight of two versions of Chakotay sitting companionably next to each other eating their identical meals. The younger version easily distinguishable even at a considerable distance now by his gold topped uniform. It suited him.

Sitting opposite the two men was Seven of Nine.

Chakotay junior looked up and caught Kathryn's eye almost immediately. She inclined her head slightly in acknowledgment. He smiled, his dark eyes holding her gaze until she looked away to take in her first officer. Chakotay was focused on whatever Seven was saying. He hadn't noticed the arrival of _Voyager'_ s Captain.

Although several days had passed since the evening that Kathryn had shared a meal with Chakotay junior in her quarters, she still found her thoughts straying back there with surprising frequency. She hadn't mentioned it to Chakotay. She wondered if her dinner guest had?

Janeway turned towards the serving hatch and Neelix spotted her.

"Captain! What a pleasant surprise. You're a little late, but I'm sure I can find something to tempt you."

"Thank you, Neelix. I'm not really very hungry, but I do like to put in an appearance now and then. What have you got for me this evening?"

A pan lid rattled violently behind him, and the little Talaxian turned to stir a bubbling pot. Then he began to detail the delights that were still on offer. As she tried to focus on what he was saying, Janeway found herself wondering how she could avoid having to sit down in the empty seat next to Seven. Kathryn had already noticed that just like B'Elanna, Seven seemed to be quite comfortable dealing with the two men at the same time. Unsurprising perhaps that the former drone was unfazed by a collective of Chakotays.

Janeway was envious. She was still completely uncomfortable whenever she found herself in close quarters with both of them at the same time. One of them was plenty. With two, it was just impossible to keep an eye on them. She still felt permanently off balance whenever she ended up sandwiched between them.

Sitting elsewhere right now wasn't an option. The room was almost empty and there was no one else she could sit with without causing them extreme discomfort. Despite having accepted the need to relinquish a little of the distance of command now they were six years into their journey, it still seemed unlikely that there were many members of the crew who would wish to have their Captain spontaneously join them at their table for dinner.

She tuned back in to register that Neelix had already dished up a plate of food for her and had placed it on the serving counter between them. He was observing her expectantly now. "Thank you, Neelix. What is it again?"

 _Although maybe sometimes it was better not to know,_ muttered her treacherous inner voice.

He didn't seem to mind repeating himself. "I think you're going to love these little fellows, Captain. You're in luck, because there's still plenty of this evening's special. It's one of my personal favourites. Darvot fritters. They're made with a mixture of darvots, ubean oat milk, fuchsia foam crickets and Kharma berry milk. Always popular on Talax."

The large oval shaped fritters were swimming in something Janeway couldn't help but associate with mud. It was thick and brown and simply mud-like. The small spikey things floating in it were presumably the 'foam crickets.' Didn't look very foamy. Neelix had outdone himself this time. Even Chakotay couldn't have eaten this one, surely? Perhaps the addition of the crickets had been enough to mean the Commander and his almost-twin had escaped this dish?

"Looks wonderful, Neelix. But I must admit I was hoping for something a little lighter. Do you have any salad or a soup on the go perhaps?" Kathryn tried not to look at the plate again for fear of losing her meagre appetite completely.

"For you, Captain? Of course. Take a seat and I'll bring you over something. And by the way, Tom is planning a little party in Fair Haven at Sullivan's this evening. It'd be wonderful to see you there."

"Thank you, Neelix. I'll keep it in mind." Kathryn steeled herself as she acknowledged she would now be obliged to sit with the almost-brothers and Seven.

However, just as she began to make her way towards their table, the three of them stood. Chakotay met her halfway between the counter and the table. When he spoke it was with more than a hint of reproof in his tone.

"You're eating late this evening, Kathryn. You should've accepted my invitation to join us earlier."

"You know me, Chakotay. The end of the shift is often when I'm at my most productive – no interruptions."

"I see." Her first officer frowned. "I'll try not to take that personally."

She smiled. "Good. Well, enjoy your evening." She nodded to Seven, who had come to stand just behind Chakotay. The new Lieutenant Commander had his back to them as he returned their plates to the serving hatch.

"Thank you, Captain." Seven replied, inclining her head slightly.

Chakotay and Seven began to make their way to the door. As Kathryn sat down at the table they had just vacated, she realised the younger Chakotay hadn't moved to follow them, but was heading in her direction.

Her first officer reached the door and turned, in search of his counterpart. The younger man turned too, as if sensing Chakotay's eyes on his back. A look Kathryn found hard to interpret passed between the two men, and her first officer hesitated momentarily, then turned again to follow Seven out.

"Good evening, Kathryn." Chakotay junior arrived at her table. She noticed only then that he was carrying her soup and salad. "Compliments of the chef."

"Thank you. Now that looks better!" she replied with a smile.

"I'm glad you think so." There was a hint of amusement in his tone as he set the soup bowl, the salad, cutlery and a napkin down in front of her. It really did look more inviting.

Kathryn could feel his eyes on her; she gestured towards the serving hatch. "I didn't think I was up to taking on this evening's special."

"Whole empires have succumbed to less," He replied with a wink.

Kathryn tried the soup; it wasn't too bad; strangely sour, but edible. Chakotay junior was still there, so she looked up. "You really didn't need to wait on me, you know."

"Always good to keep the Captain sweet." He seated himself opposite her. "I wanted to ask you something anyway."

Kathryn stopped eating her soup and dabbed her mouth with her napkin. "Oh?"

He watched her intently for a moment and she suddenly felt self-conscious – was there soup on her chin?

"Guess you've heard that Tom and Harry have finally succeeded in getting the Fair Haven programme back up and running again?"

Kathryn nodded.

"Well, Tom is organising a party later tonight at Sullivan's. You should come."

"Yes, Neelix just said as much."

"Good. Harry was just in here replicating a rather impressive bouquet of lilies for some lucky Irish hologram, and Tom claims he's learnt to drive one of their period automobiles."

Kathryn laughed. "Are we really being invited to bear witness to Mr Paris's new found motoring skills I wonder?"

"Maybe so, but it should still be fun. Join me?"

"Well, I was planning on a quiet night with a book actually."

"So, change you plans. Didn't we agree the other night that it's time you investigated what's in that wardrobe of yours? Now's your chance."

Janeway looked out of the viewport for a moment, evading his penetrating, rich brown gaze. "I'm not sure _we_ agreed anything… But I do remember you were rather insistent I make more of an effort in future."

"Just come for an hour or so. I'll call by your quarters about 22.00hrs. Make sure you're ready."

She looked up from her soup to find he was already on his feet and on his way out.

_Damned cheek._

[TBC]


	19. Chapter 19

Captain's Quarters 21.30hrs

For some reason, the dress was just too damned uncomfortable this time around. She couldn't understand how she'd managed to wear it for a whole afternoon and on into the evening only a few weeks ago. And how on earth did women put up with these things on a daily basis in the 19th Century anyway? Shouldn't there have been some sort of uprising?

"Janeway to Torres."

_"Go ahead Captain."_

Kathryn hesitated. She hadn't exactly asked her chief engineer for this sort of advice before. "Will you be attending party in the Fair Haven simulation this evening, B'Elanna?"

A slight hesitation at the other end. _"Yes. Actually, Tom's already there with Harry and I promised to put in an appearance. Why do you ask?"_

"Well…I was considering going too, but I just don't seem to be able to get on with the period costume this evening. So I was wondering whether the rest of the crew are making the effort?"

_"Don't bother with it, Captain. I'm going as I am. They can take us as they find us in my view. Lucky to get me in there at all! Seven's already bailed out - I don't think she can face that old Irish hologram following her around again. And I'm sure you won't get either of the Chakotays dressing up. I'm guessing Tom and Harry will be the only ones, except the Doc of course. So wear whatever you want. You won't stand out, if that's what you're worried about."_

"I didn't want to be the only one to spoil the atmosphere for the crew. It's bad enough having the Captain show up at their party... Thanks, B'Elanna. I'll gladly throw this thing into the recycler then."

_"Go for it, Captain. And for the record, I think it's great that you're coming. Torres out."_

Janeway sighed with relief and tossed the offending dress onto the bed. Now to see what was in that wardrobe…

* * *

22.11hrs

He wasn't coming, then. For the first time in longer than she cared to remember, she'd actually bothered choose her clothes with something approaching care, and the man didn't even show up.

She should've accepted Chakotay's invitation to join him and Neelix for a drink in the Ox and Lamb before the get-together at Sullivan's. When he'd commed her to suggest it an hour or so ago, she had declined without mentioning that someone else had already made plans for her to get to the party. She had felt sense of disloyalty at first, but part of her had wondered whether that feeling was actually rather misplaced. Chakotay had added her to his plans as something of an afterthought, out of habit and a sense of polite duty no doubt. The younger man had sought out and positively wanted her company. Or so it had seemed...

Good job she hadn't mentioned it to Chakotay. At least it would be less embarrassing all round now.

She replicated a large glass of wine and kicked off the shoes with a little more force than was really necessary.

* * *

He passed the first officer's quarters and stopped outside the Captain's suite. He paused for a moment and ran his hand through his still-damp hair.

Chakotay looked down at the pendant in the palm of his hand. It was very small, only a couple of centimetres across. It consisted of interlinked twisting loops of gold wire, which together created the distinctive shape of a shamrock. Two of the tiny loops were inlaid with a burnt orange transparent material and the central one was inlaid with emerald green. There was no chain. She'd have to put it on one of her own. All women had that sort of thing, didn't they?

* * *

The chime sounded.

Typical. Five minutes ago and she would've been completely calm and poised.

"Come in," she called, as she hastily put down the wine and went in search of the shoes.

"Still not ready?" he asked as strolled in and stopped to watch her scrambling under the table. "And I was worried _I_ was late."

"You _are_ late," she replied, as she pulled herself upright and tried to regain her composure. Hard, while you're holding one shoe and trying to search inconspicuously for the other in your peripheral vision.

He took in her dress. "You look stunning, Kathryn."

She was already off balance. Her Chakotay was always so… well.. so _Chakotay_ with his compliments. 'elegant' or 'stylish' or 'nice this evening' maybe, but 'stunning?' No. Not that.

She met his direct brown gaze. "Well, I'm sure that's a little generous, but thank you all the same."

"Generous? No, it's honest. You should wear things like more often. You would if I had anything to do with it."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Stop trying to flirt with the Captain, and help me find my other shoe, Lieutenant."

"Lieutenant Commander if you don't mind. You can't demote me _again_. And I'm not flirting with the Captain. I've come to flirt with Kathryn, and bossing me about like that isn't going to stop me."

She couldn't help but smile, as she waved the shoe at him. "The offending item looks like this, and it went that way." She gestured towards the coffee table and the seating area.

"Nice shoes too." He smiled, "The Delaney sisters will be jealous." He had passed her and was already bending down to scoop up the errant shoe from under the low table.

Kathryn took in his loose beige shirt, hanging down over the leather pants. She picked up the wine again and took a large sip.

"Started already?" he didn't miss much.

"Thought I might need it. I don't often socialise with the crew."

"Come on Kathryn, they're your friends." He looked at her expectantly.

Janeway returned his gaze for a moment, unsure of how to respond. Then he frowned slightly by way of comment and moved closer to pass her the shoe. As she accepted it, she caught a hint of his cologne. He smelt good. Very good, actually. He hadn't been wearing any when he'd brought the soup over last week - Kathryn would have noticed. So he had made an effort after all, even if he'd been late. Funny though- he didn't really need cologne. He'd smelt good enough without...

She sat down on the sofa to slip on the shoes. Simple shoes in soft dark green leather with a low heel, to complement the simple dark green knee-length dress she'd chosen. Chosen because she knew she looked good in it. It showed off what she was comfortable showing off now she was the wrong side of forty, and it concealed what she preferred to conceal. The shoes were soft and comfortable, perfect in case there was more dancing this evening. She'd had a ball dancing in Sullivan's last time, even though it had been with a hologram. Sometimes you have to take what you can get.

"Ready?"

"Ready."

"I thought you might like to wear this. Turns out it goes with the dress too."

For a moment, he seemed hesitant, unsure perhaps as to whether she'd accept whatever it was he was referring to. But the moment passed. He reached for her hand, placing something in her palm and closing her fingers over it. She felt the colour rising in her cheeks and cursed her ancestors and their tell-tale complexion.

"I probably should've wrapped it up," he added, as he looked up from their joined hands.

When he released her hand, Kathryn opened her palm and examined the tiny shape. The overall form was instantly recognisable as that of a shamrock, with its three distinctive shaped leaves. The tiny shape was edged with thick, endlessly twisting gold wire. The continuous linked loops didn't seem typical of traditional Celtic designs though. They were more akin to some of the patterns on a throw in her first officer's quarters.

"This is exquisite. I… I really don't know what to say. I should probably say I can't accept it, but I already want to put it on." She looked at him, embarrassed by her own reaction, but unable to stop smiling. "It's beautiful. Thank you."

While she had been speaking a frown had passed across his face, and then lifted. Now he was returning her smile.

"When better to wear a shamrock than tonight?" she went on, as she took a few steps away from him. "I'm sure I have a chain that will go with it very nicely. I won't be a moment."

Her bedroom seemed refreshingly cool. Kathryn took a few deep breaths and a suitable chain came to mind. Locating it wasn't hard; she didn't have much jewellery. The simple, thin gold chain presented itself within minutes. Her fingers refused to obey her at first and she struggled a little to undo the clasp, but eventually she divested it of its usual focal piece and it wasn't long before she'd threaded the chain through the tiny hook at the top of the new pendant.

Once she had it on, she examined her reflection in the mirror. The tiny twisted gold shamrock settled perfectly just above her cleavage, looking as if it had always been there. The emerald green of the central leaf took on the darker hues of her dress, and the rusty colour of the other two? Well, she'd known immediately she saw it that it would complement her hair.

She hesitated a moment before leaving the calm of her sanctuary.

He turned to take her in as she came back into the living area.

"What do you think?" She approached and came to stand a few paces away.

He immediately moved to close the space between them. He narrowed his eyes and inspected her, allowing his gaze to linger on the tiny pendant. "Looks right to me. But more important is what you think. Do you like it?"

With him so close, Kathryn was conscious of his cologne again. She drew in a deep breath through her nose. Then, all of a sudden, she was ambushed by a very vivid memory of what she had seen in her Chakotay's eyes the moment before he had pulled her firmly to him and kissed her last year. She could see exactly the same thing in these dark brown eyes now.

Immediately, she shifted her weight to her back foot and in doing so increased the distance between them slightly. "It's beautiful and yes, I love it. It was so thoughtful of you to bring me something Irish. It must have cost you a week's worth of replicator rations. "

"I've been winning a lot at pool recently." He grinned.

Kathryn didn't want to know details. Something told her Tom Paris would be eating in the messhall for the next couple of months.

"And it's not just Irish actually."

"These intertwined loops of the gold wires, they look familiar," Kathryn stated, her curiosity piqued.

"My people have symbols for pretty much everything, but these sorts of interlocking loops are usually there to represent unending love or friendship. I had to design it with three, to make a shamrock; we usually have four."

"I… I didn't realise…" she faltered, and her hand went to her forehead.

"Breathe, Kathryn." He said, grinning, as he closed the small gap between them that she'd created earlier. "It's not a declaration. We only just met, remember? You can take it to symbolise your unending love for Ireland if you want. You probably know that for the Irish the shamrock was symbolic of the idea that God is to be found in nature. My people have similar beliefs, so I figured I could get away with combining them. I'm just hoping it will help you remember me, in case I disappear one night, the same way I arrived."

Janeway fingered the pendant and held his gaze. "Thank you. It's perfect. I'm sure I'll wear it often."

She felt his warm hand on the small of her back.

"So, shall we join the party? We wouldn't want to miss out on all that Irish dancing, now, would we?"

[TBC]


	20. Chapter 20

Holodeck

Chakotay held the door open and Neelix preceded him into Sullivan's. The noise hit him immediately. The Ox and Lamb had been a tea party in comparison. At the far end of the room, a group of holographic musicians was producing a loud and lively sound, and the chairs and tables had been pushed to the side to allow space for dancing.

Neelix headed for Tom and B'Elanna who were leaning against the bar and the first officer followed.

"Quite a turnout, Tom." Chakotay clasped a hand on the pilot's shoulder.

Paris turned and shouted back, "Great, isn't it?" He beamed. "Neelix put the word out in the messhall this evening and it seems everyone was ready for a chance to blow off some steam."

"It's been a while since the crew have had a chance to get together like this, so it makes sense."

As he had been speaking, Chakotay had accepted the glass Neelix had handed him, and began to watch the crewmembers mingling with the holographic characters on the busy dance floor. It made a strange picture. Only Tom and Harry seemed to have decided to don period costumes this evening. The rest of the Voyagers present were in their own 24th Century civilian wear.

His counterpart was already there, right in the thick of the dancing. It was fast and furious and all the dancers were obviously in high spirits. This particular dance involved moving quickly from partner to partner, and demanded a fair amount of co-ordination. As he watched, the first officer picked out Harry, failing to turn in the right direction and laughing as he bumped into Kathryn.

Kathryn had come. That was good. When she'd declined his invitation to meet up beforehand, it seemed possible that she wouldn't put in an appearance at all. And she'd even made the effort to wear something other than her damned uniform for once. It was hard to make out through the crowd, but it looked like she was wearing a green dress. She looked nice; it hugged her figure in all the right places.

He was just about to make his way over, with a view to catching her as she finished this dance so he could offer to get her a drink, when he noticed his younger self moving towards her. The music climaxed and ended, and some of the dancers drifted away from the dance area while others lingered to see what would come next.

As Chakotay watched, his counterpart's hand found its way to Kathryn's back, and she turned and looked up at the younger man. Her instant smile was radiant, her cheeks flushed with the exertion of the dance. Chakotay junior inclined his head towards her, so she could hear him above the noise no doubt. They exchanged some words and she turned to look at the musicians as the music started up again.

His almost-twin's arm sliding around Kathryn's waist, and he pulled her around to face him for a moment and said something else in her ear. She laughed. Then he released her enough to allow them to take up the same position as the couples either side of them, as they prepared to start the next dance.

The easy confidence with which his counterpart held and released her struck at something inside Chakotay. He had a moment of lucidity, where he recognised that as his own past behaviour. He wondered where and how things had changed these past few years to leave him standing where he was now at the bar, looking on.

On the back of that revelation came another. Looking at Kathryn now, her face flushed and her hair a little wild, Chakotay realised he'd never really moved on. She looked beautiful to him - stunning even, not 'nice'. He'd just got so used to censoring his thoughts that he'd trained his inner voice to express only what would fit into the constraints of their situation.

 _Voyager'_ s first officer studied the couple for a long moment and his brow furrowed. Then he turned back to face the bar. He did so just as Tom moved away to leave a space next to B'Elanna. Chakotay shifted into it and caught her eye.

"Haven't seen you in here before. What gives tonight?"

"Tom was pretty insistent. I figured once wouldn't hurt, so here I am. Still can't really see what all the fuss is about."

"Have you been dancing?"

"No, I prefer something a little less frantic."

"Me too. But maybe we should give it a try?"

B'Elanna leant both forearms against the bar and clasped her hands together in front of her. "Don't let me stop you – go right ahead. I'm good here, thanks."

Chakotay finished his drink. "Maybe later."

A few minutes passed and then he looked up to try and catch the eye of the bar tender. Sullivan noticed him immediately and approached to stand behind the bar opposite him, smiling expectantly. Chakotay realised he was looking down at him once more. He looked to his left behind the bar and noticed that the wife was back. Of course. Tom and Harry had restored the programme and some elements must have reverted to their original programming.

Chakotay wondered if Kathryn had been disappointed that her modifications had been lost. Guess she could always make them again, if she still needed to. Somehow he doubted that she would.

"What'll it be?" The bar keep smiled pleasantly.

Chakotay ordered a drink and Sullivan placed it on the bar. "Is that your brother with Katie over there?"

"Yes."

"He's quite the dancer too, isn't he?"

"I guess you could say that."

"Katie has a fair few admirers in our town you know. But I don't suppose the likes of us can hope to compete with you sailors, well-travelled and worldly wise as you are."

Chakotay turned slightly to follow Sullivan's gaze and they both watched Kathryn for a moment as his almost-twin held one of her hands high above her head and used it to spin her repeatedly as the music reached a crescendo. Then his counterpart caught her firmly around the waist to halt her rotation and lead her into the next series of steps on exactly the right beat in the music. A small group of on-lookers gathered to watch them, clapping and cheering the couple on.

"Lucky man, your brother," the hologram offered with a jovial wink.

"Yes. He is," the first officer affirmed quietly.

He turned away from the dance floor to face B'Elanna again. Tom left Harry with his date and made his way back to the bar and sat on a stool on the other side of the engineer. All three of them had been observing Kathryn's eye-catching performance.

"I'm not sure I've seen her dance since she did the dying swan on talent night years ago," said Paris, making himself heard above the music.

"It's good to see her letting her hair down a bit," B'Elanna offered.

Chakotay smiled. "Yes. Good to see her having fun."

B'Elanna eyed him for a moment, then spoke at a level that only he would hear. "What about you, old man? Isn't it about time you got up and had some fun too? I'm sure Janeway would enjoy showing you a step or two."

Chakotay turned back towards the bar. "I think she's doing just fine there already."

B'Elanna turned too. "She'll wear him out soon, then you can cut in." The engineer waited for a reply, but Chakotay avoided her gaze and went on sipping his drink; he could feel B'Elanna watching him for a moment longer.

Then the music stopped and the musicians took a break. Chakotay turned to see Kathryn and his counterpart making their way over towards the bar. She greeted him, Tom and B'Elanna with a full smile, and positioned herself next to Chakotay, although once she'd moved to stand right next to him, he couldn't seem to catch her eye. As he looked down at her, his gaze was drawn her to cleavage. Nestled just above the swell of her breasts was a tiny pendant.

Chakotay was immediately presented with a vivid picture of another pendant, displayed on darker skin. He saw his sister, smiling as she examined the gift he'd made for her – a pendant that differed only from the one around Kathryn's neck in that it consisted of four interlocking loops rather than three. He was suddenly ambushed by a powerful longing, the strength of which he hadn't felt in years – a hopeless longing for the family and the home he'd lost. He looked away immediately to collect himself.

His counterpart greeted the small group as well. It was crowded and a holographic character had already moved in to stand next to Kathryn, so Chakotay junior only had the space to lean one hand on the bar, his arm brushing against Kathryn's shoulder. He was obliged to stand behind her, surrounding her small frame with his larger one.

Chakotay watched as his counterpart dipped his head considerably to speak to her. The shoes she was wearing didn't lend her the height of her regulation boots. Then the younger man called Sullivan over and leant in over Kathryn's shoulder to order them drinks, while she leant forward across Chakotay to address B'Elanna.

Two women continued their conversation and the two men also exchanged a few words, obliged to converse pretty much over Kathryn's head.

"You should try it when they start up again," his younger self motioned towards the dance floor.

"I don't think so." Chakotay felt Kathryn's bare arm brush against his as she leant in slightly further to catch whatever B'Elanna was saying. Kathryn didn't look up.

His counterpart leant in a little further over Kathryn's head towards Chakotay to speak at a level only the older man could hear. "You should dance. Kathryn's a great dancer. She's loving it."

"I'm sure she is." The look that passed between them replaced the need for a reply.

 _Voyager'_ s captain put a small firm hand on the bicep of both men and pushed them slightly apart to allow herself space to lean back. Once she'd achieved this she narrowed her eyes and looked from Chakotay to his younger self. "Why do I get the feeling you two are talking about me?"

"Because we are," the younger man smiled. "I was just telling Chakotay that you're quite a dancer."

She gifted Chakotay junior with a rare full smile. "I must admit I do love to dance, and I love live music, if it makes any sense to say that here, when we're talking about holographic musicians."

Chakotay junior stared at the first officer pointedly. The older man held his gaze for a moment, then his eyes flickered down towards the woman between them. She had shifted slightly now, so that she had her back to the younger of the two men once more, and her face was turned towards the dance area as she watched the holographic musicians setting up to play again.

Chakotay could feel his counterpart's eyes on him as he moistened his lips. Just as he was about to suggest to Kathryn that they take to the dance floor together, he noticed that she was leaning back an infinitesimal amount, and consequently, leaning back against the chest of his younger self. The younger man's eyes flickered immediately across to meet Chakotay's again.

The look Chakotay was on the receiving end of now was screaming at him to see what was right in front of him. It was possible that Kathryn's legendary boundaries were up for negotiation. But he just couldn't share his counterpart's optimism. Yes, she might have decided she'd renegotiate her boundaries where his younger self was concerned, but it just didn't translate into meaning anything of the sort for him.

The two men had shared their account of the joint vision quest with their friends on board, Kathryn included, but inevitably, other people would never really manage to think of them as parts of the same person, the same soul. It really only had meaning for the two of them. And, unsurprisingly, they'd both had the distinct impression that they were the only ones who could really take seriously the idea that Chakotay junior would soon be leaving them. Kathryn had agreed to step up the intensive continuous scans for any temporal anomalies and signs of chronoton flux, but Chakotay had the distinct impression she was humouring him. Their account of their Father's message had been met with indulgent smiles and comments about how glad people were that they were determined to think positive.

While he was considering this paradox, Kathryn had turned away from him to face his counterpart, and Chakotay watched as she reached for the younger man's arm.

"They're about to begin again," Chakotay heard her say "and this captain fancies another turn out there. Come on." She set off, pulling his younger self into line behind her as she began to thread though the partygoers in the direction of the dance floor. Before he disappeared into the crowd, the younger man shot Chakotay a look to convey his frustration with the first officer's failure to step in when he'd had the chance.

Chakotay turned back to face the bar and sipped his drink.

"Still here? Still propping up the bar?" B'Elanna asked him, scowling.

"I don't see you on the dance floor either."

She snorted in response and settled down further onto her barstool. "Tom's been too busy this evening teasing Harry about his infatuation with that hologram to dance with me anyway."

"You two plan on sharing the job of Captain's official escort now then?" Tom asked Chakotay innocently enough, skilfully deflecting the conversation from his own behaviour.

"Something like that." The first officer's expression was neutral.

"He sure has got stamina, keeping up with her like that." Tom watched as the couple in question linked arms with Harry and his holographic date to form a small circle and began the next set of energetic steps. B'Elanna twisted in her seat so she could see too.

The first officer didn't turn to watch this time. "Told you already, I was a lot fitter then."

"And you used to have that edge." B'Elanna threw in.

Tom and Chakotay both looked at her questioningly. "And what 'edge' would that be exactly?" the pilot enquired.

B'Elanna went on, digging herself deeper, "You know, that sort of _edge_ – certainly did it for me."

Tom looked at her blankly and then his eyebrows rose.

"Actually, you know what," she laughed, "I think I'll stop right there." Still smirking, she turned back to the bar.

[TBC]


	21. Chapter 21

Kathryn and Chakotay junior were among the last to leave.

She hadn't noticed when the others had called it a night, since the two of them had spent the vast majority of their time in the Irish pub dancing.

When they finally made their way out, the only remaining members of _Voyager'_ s crew still lingering there were one of the Delaney sisters, Kathryn couldn't tell which one, and Harry. Her operations officer was leaning against the bar still trying to charm his way into the affections of his holographic date, and the Delaney sister in question was in the arms of a 19th Century Irish hologram, who looked like he couldn't believe his luck.

"I can't believe I let you keep me up this late!" Kathryn said, as they arrived outside her quarters.

"It's only just after midnight, Kathryn," he replied quietly. "We were only there a couple of hours."

She turned to find he was close behind her, well inside her personal space. "What do you mean 'only'? We're both due on the bridge first thing in the morning. Unless you've talked your 'other half' into switching your duty shifts to give you the morning off that is."

He smiled. "Oh, I would never abuse my connections, I assure you."

_"Tuvok to Janeway."_

She looked up at her date and their eyes locked. It felt familiar.

"Go ahead Tuvok. What is it?"

_"We are picking up some unusual readings on long range sensors, Captain. They appear to be consistent with signs of chronoton flux."_

As the Vulcan was speaking, her escort's hand came up slowly towards her face and his fingers caught an escaped wisp of her unruly hair. She didn't react, but continued to look directly into his eyes as she gave her orders.

"Change course to investigate. How far away are they?"

He tried to tuck the strand behind her ear, and it sprung back out of its own accord. She watched his lips curl into an amused smile.

_"Approximately thirty hours at warp eight."_

Her voice was steady with calm authority. "Very good, Tuvok. Keep me informed if there's anything else to report."

_"Understood. Tuvok out."_

The man standing too close to her was still looking amused.

"You were distracting me." Her reprimand was as direct as his gaze.

"I'm sorry." He wasn't. "I just got to thinking that he might have found my ride home."

Kathryn's fingers found the offending wisp of hair and she managed to secure it behind her ear herself. "It's possible I suppose. Perhaps we'll know more in thirty hours time."

She took a step back from him, towards the keypad for her door and hesitated. "Well, I should go to bed now, so thank you for a lovely evening. You really didn't need to walk me back to my quarters, you know."

He lifted both arms from his sides in an expansive gesture. "Can't help it, it's my upbringing. My mother thought it was important men maintained a few of the traditions from the past that she approved of. Arrive with a gift, see your date home…"

"Well, job done. I'm home, thank you." She dipped her head and the errant wisp of hair sprung out from behind her ear again. He moved closer again and she felt his fingers try again to brush the strand from her face.

She looked up to find him studying her face. "I wasn't done with my list," he said quietly. His gaze was unavoidable. "See your date home; thank her for a wonderful evening; and be sure to kiss her goodnight."

Kathryn's eyes followed the tip of his tongue as he moistened his lips.

"Although I'd prefer not to do it in the corridor." A small smile curled one side of his mouth.

Janeway felt herself smile too as she waved a finger at him. "You know I think I just might need to get my first officer to do some work with you on indiscreet shipboard fraternisation."

His smile spread a little. "Oh, I can assure you, he understands the situation perfectly."

"What do you mean?" She frowned, more than a little confused by such a statement.

"I just mean that I _am_ your first officer – or I will be one day – remember what we told you after our vision quest?"

"Yes…. But…"

He was still looking directly into her eyes, as if he were willing her to understand. "And I'd go as far to say that while I am, in no uncertain terms, powerfully attracted to you, your first officer - well, he's been in love with you for longer than he'd care to admit, even to himself. And if I'm about to disappear in my sleep again, there are some things we should talk about, now."

"Chakotay… I.."

He took her elbow and steered her towards the door. "I meant what I said about preferring not to do this in the corridor. Shall we?"

Once inside, Kathryn headed immediately for the replicator. It was something to do, time to think. She pulled up the selection of Irish whiskeys available, but her eyes refused to focus on it.

How on earth was she supposed to talk to him about this? How could she talk to this Chakotay about the feelings of the other one? It was just too confusing. She believed them when they had explained to her after their joint vision quest that they now felt sure they were two parts of the same man. She believed them; but what did that actually _mean_ in terms of how she should relate to them? So much about them was the same, but so much wasn't. The differences were significant.

This man walking into her quarters behind her looked at her in a way that made her feel like a desirable woman. In the past five years, her Chakotay had only been at liberty to express his desire for her for a few too short minutes over a year ago now, when he'd mistakenly believed she was inviting his attentions. And since that night, she hadn't once seen anything even remotely like that level of desire surface in his eyes again.

He'd accepted her decision not to pursue a relationship. They'd both done their best to try to bury their rekindled awareness of the powerful attraction they still felt for each other – an attraction that they'd discovered was still very much alive, lying dormant, not so far beneath the surface of their routine interactions.

It was familiar territory for them – being obliged to try and quash something that had a life of its own. A spark had ignited between them the day he'd beamed onto her bridge spitting fire – and they'd done their best to dampen that down. They'd ignored it, deliberately, over time – so much time – and they'd found ways to function together.

But with the man behind her, that same spark had done nothing but smoulder and burn ever since he got here. He was that same man, so that same potential existed, and he had not been subject to the constraints that her first officer had lived within for the last six years.

Thinking now about the fact that the man behind her might be only thirty hours away from returning to his own timeline, Kathryn had a moment of clarity.

He would be going back to the _Val Jean_. Then, a few weeks after his return to his own time, _Voyager_ would follow his ship into the badlands.

He was Chakotay, and he _would be her_ Chakotay one day.

This was the same man whose dark expressive eyes would tempt her thoughts away from Mark in the first few days and weeks of their journey. The man who would ask her in the middle of her bridge, with a directness she would be unprepared for, whether even she would eventually pair off with someone on the ship. The man she would only really start to get to know in earnest on New Earth, when he would let his guard down a little. The man who would make her laugh more and who would devote himself to making her life better.

The man who would risk his own life to protect her so many times over that she would lose count. The man who would desperately try to breathe life back into her body as she lay dying on some godforsaken planet light years from home.

The man without whom she still couldn't imagine her life out here. The man whose friendship and devotion she would come to take for granted.

He was here, behind her. And he was also in his quarters, probably asleep by now.

So how on earth should she go about making sense of what he'd just said?

Another whiskey probably wasn't a good idea, but hell, it was too late now.

Then suddenly he was right behind her, so close behind her she could feel the warmth of his body. If she turned around she'd find herself in his arms.

He must have leant in close, because she felt his breath caress her neck as he spoke, soft and low. "I'm not asking for any decisions here, Kathryn, I'm just saying there's something between us - I know you can feel too – something that I'd like to explore, while we still have the chance."

Looking down, without turning around she began, "Look, we should really…."

Then his lips were on the side of her neck. Soft, but hard enough. His left arm found its way around her waist, where it had already found its way several times earlier this evening, and he pulled her back flush against his torso. His right hand started at her shoulder and began to lightly caress her upper arm. She didn't move.

His kisses moved slowly and deliciously up the side of her neck to her ear and paused for a moment. "If you don't want me to kiss you, tell me and I'll stop."

_No- don't. Don't stop._

Despite everything she believed about parameters and protocol and the dangers of indulging her feelings while she was still out here, she wasn't a saint. She was a woman. A woman with so many unmet needs it was hard to even think about them anymore. A woman in the arms of a man she had been powerfully attracted to for some time. An attractive, intelligent man who wanted her, right now. The man might not even be here much longer if he was right about things.

With each firm kiss to her neck, the distinctions between past and present, between this man and her Chakotay blurred a little more.

She found herself leaning back further into his firm torso. Her left hand moved to cover his around her waist and her right hand stretched up behind her to find the side of his head and her fingers threaded up into his thick, close-cropped hair.

Her voice came low and dusky. "Maybe I'm out of my mind, but…"

He kissed up past her jaw and pressed his cheek to hers. As he did so, the hand that had been around her waist swept up slowly to cup her breast. It had been so long since her body had enjoyed this sort of attention that she almost moaned because it felt so unreasonably good. The hand that had been caressing her arm moved up to the side of her face. He guided her head backwards and she twisted slightly within his embrace so that his mouth could find hers.

Finally.

[TBC]


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: the final chapters of this story contain major spoilers for the Voyager re-launch novels by Christie Golden and Kirsten Beyer.

"Finally!"

They immediately broke apart and turned in confusion to face the intruder. Kathryn gasped for breath and Chakotay junior swore loudly.

"Well, charming, I'm sure."

"Q!"

"You seem surprised to see me, Kathy. Do you mean you hadn't already guessed your little present here was from me? And I always thought you were one of the more intelligent ones."

"Q! What on earth?" She took in his costume. The oversized bow and arrow were the main clues, but the pink fluorescent hearts adorning his tights were something of give away too.

Chakotay junior was incredulous. "You're responsible for all this? You brought me here? Why?"

"Janeway to Tuvok." _Voyager'_ s captain straightened her dress and put her hand to her forehead.

"Tsk, Tsk Kathy, surely you know me better than that by now? I turned them off while we have our little chat."

"Q, explain this, _now!"_

The tall figure of the omnipotent being stood in the middle of Janeway's quarters, facing the couple, his back to the viewport.

Janeway was so shocked by his appearance that her brain stalled momentarily. Within seconds, however, the cogs were whirring and she was making connections.

"This is no co-incidence, is it, you appearing right now?"

Q beamed at her. "Bravo Kathy! – I was right after all. You are one of the brighter ones."

"Why? Why on earth come and disturb me at a moment like this? Again! Surely you aren't still going to try and persuade me to mate with you? After all this time?"

Chakotay junior looked at her, horrified.

Q rolled his eyes. "Oh please! I certainly won't be doing that again. You wouldn't believe the trouble it's caused in the continuum."

Janeway took a step away from Chakotay junior towards Q and put her hands on her hips, starting to regain some of her composure. "Then explain what are you doing here, Q, and why on earth you brought Captain Chakotay here?"

"I did it for you, Kathy, of course! It was bad enough you rejecting me, but if you insist on doing so, even Chuckles here is better than that ridiculous collection of stereotypical Irish photons. I just couldn't have you demeaning yourself. Imagine, throwing over all this," he motioned towards himself with a sweeping gesture, "for a hologram? It was just a step too far."

"Why bring me forward in time? Why go to all that trouble? This makes no sense." Chakotay junior looked at Kathryn, in the hope that she might have more of an understanding of Q's unlikely sounding explanation. She didn't.

Q continued, completely undeterred by the obvious confusion of his audience. "In fact we probably should get the other one in here." He handed his huge bow and arrow to Chakotay junior. "Here, hold these." The latter accepted them with a scowl.

Then Q turned to _Voyager'_ s captain, "I really need to sort them out now. I'm afraid you can't keep them both, Kathy."

Janeway raised an eyebrow as Q snapped his fingers and Chakotay appeared, in his sleep wear, bleary eyed, immediately turning on the spot in confusion.

"What the hell!" The first officer took in the scene. "Q! I don't believe it."

"Oh, believe it," Janeway said to her first officer, putting a steadying hand on his shoulder.

Q ignored Chakotay and continued to address Kathryn. "There, now we can get on. So, I brought you this one," he pointed at the younger of the two Chakotays, who was still holding the oversized bow and arrow, "because I thought he had a bit more spunk – and he's just a lot more fun, don't you think, Kathy?"

The younger man looked stunned and the older man fumed silently. _Voyager'_ s captain kept her eyes firmly on Q.

"I thought the younger model might remind Mr. Shields-at-84-per-cent-Captain here how much more fun he used to be," he continued. "I mean, he's become such a dullard, hasn't he?" Q walked around, circling _Voyager'_ s first officer as he continued his speech. "So stolid, nearly as bad as Riker, but I suppose we should be grateful that at least he doesn't have the beard."

Then he moved back to stand in front of Janeway. "I was only thinking of your happiness, Kathy. I thought the younger model might be able to give the older one a few tips on how to speed things up with you. I mean this one still fits into the leather pants, and he's just got that edge on the other one, don't you agree? But really it was just because I thought it might be a bit quicker if we got him on the job."

Janeway was exasperated. "Q, what on earth are you talking about?"

"Well, you see, I couldn't afford to wait for you to discover for yourself that you really do want Chuckles after all. Because in the original time line, it just takes you _so long_!"

"But why would any of this matter to you? How ever long we take to do anything in our lives? You can move through time. I find it hard to believe that you would really be so concerned about my _romantic life,_ Q, This is just ridiculous!"

"You wound me, Kathy." Q seated himself in the middle of the low sofa that ran under the viewport and crossed his long legs in front of him. "In my heart of hearts I'm a romantic, and anyway, believe it or not, my dear, your sorry excuse for a romantic life starts a chain of events that ends with something I am determined to change. Whether the continuum likes it or not."

Chakotay was catching up with the situation and rounded on Q. "Ends with what? What is it you so desperately want to change?"

"This timeline of course. It stinks! We can do better."

The pitch of Kathryn's husky voice lowered and she spoke to him slowly this time. "You're still not making any sense here. How can the status of my personal relationships possibly affect a being as powerful as you? That is just preposterous."

"I couldn't agree more, my dear, but unfortunately, preposterous as it is, I'm afraid it's true. I'm here to tell you that if you don't take what's already yours soon, I happen to know that you'll live to regret it, and more to the point, so will I. Because your regret motivates you to do reckless things with far-reaching consequences for all of us."

He stood, waiting for a reaction, as if he thought that this would be sufficient explanation. Kathryn and both Chakotays continued to look at him with disbelief.

He gestured towards his costume. "I mean, do you think I'd be wearing these tights if it wasn't really necessary?"

Chakotay cut in. "We don't understand this. You need to explain all of it to us, now!"

"Oh all right." He turned to address Kathryn. "Look, if I hadn't sent this space cowboy here," he prodded Chakotay junior in the back, "to shake things up a bit, you would have left this one," he prodded Chakotay now, "on his lonesome for so long that the sorry old oaf finally starts to consider other possibilities – one other possibility to be exact."

He moved to stand behind her and delivered the next words directly into her ear, with a conspiratorial air. "The direction you thought his tastes we're leading him in?" He pointed at Chakotay junior, "Well you weren't as far off the mark as they'd like to think."

Chakotay locked eyes with his younger self and they both frowned.

"Seven?" Kathryn asked.

"Turns out your protégée can be very determined and he," Q turned to point at Chakotay, "didn't put up much resistance."

Chakotay junior shot a look at the first officer and raised a questioning eyebrow. Chakotay ignored him.

"So," the super-human life form continued, beginning to pace around the room again as he gave the rest of his explanation, "needless to say I had to change all that before it started. In fact, you might be interested to know that the cat-suited Drone Girl is actually in her alcove right now, designing a holo-experiment that'd make your hair curl - thinking up some spicy adult games to play with a Chuckles hologram, to get some practice in. So you really need to thank me for my timely intervention, my dear."

Kathryn was trying her damnedest to follow this nonsense. "So, Chakotay and Seven become involved in our timeline, that's what you're saying?"

"Yes! You're finally getting the idea."

"No, Q, I'm not. So they get involved, so what? You still haven't explained why any of this affects you."

"I told you. Pay more attention, my dear Captain. If I just leave you to it, you make such a mess of everything. It's extraordinary, and boy, is it longwinded! You decide to have another go, change history – I liked that, it shows a certain Qness - and you manage to get this rusty bucket of bolts home next year. And you decide to do all that, just because you find out that in the future – and don't ask me how, that really is too boring to explain - your pet Borg dies and Chuckles fades away of a broken heart, poor lamb. Unfortunately though, your little trick inspires the Borg to try to assimilate Earth. Really does make you a little unpopular, that bit. Anyway, even then, it takes you and Chuckles here SO LONG to get it together. And then when you finally do, you die! I mean it's just pitiful."

"So our time together is short?"

"Short? I'd say! Even in your miserable, mortal terms. It makes Jean Luc's hair look long. One night! You manage one night together before you're off to sacrifice yourself again for the good of humanity or something pointless like that. "

Kathryn and Chakotay stood astonished, looking helplessly at each other.

Q was oblivious to their reactions. "And then there's your memorial – well really, I mean the thing is positively phallic - _so_ not you. I really think they could do better."

Kathryn regained the power of speech and immediately felt her patience beginning to run out. "But why is my romantic life so significant that you're determined to change all our futures here? You still haven't explained why any of this affects _you_?"

He eyed her for an instant, then his explanation took on a decidedly accusatory tone. "Because when you decide to change twenty-six years of history, my dear, it starts a chain of events that ends with the sacrifice, the suicide, or q-icide of my only son, your own godson."

Kathryn felt increasingly uncomfortable under his gaze, as he held her accountable for things she hadn't even done yet.

"You end up messing with everything. Even Omega, and when you involve Junior, well that's the last straw. I just can't let that happen. It's your influence on him, I should never have made you godmother. Encouraging him to be so _altruistic_. So – I've decided that we can do better. I mean even Chuckles here ends up trying to martyr himself – just not to be outdone by you I suppose, it's an absolute train wreck - Romeo and Juliet gone horribly wrong. It's beyond a joke."

He placed himself directly in front of Janeway and looked her full in face. "To be honest, Kathy, you end up more than a little screwy in both parts of that twisted timeline, and I have come to care for you, my dear, and I just can't leave it like this. And that's not to mention Chuckles here, who goes a lot _more_ than a little screwy when you get yourself killed. You _really_ wouldn't believe how he lets himself go, skinny as a rake, foraging for berries on some remote island, it's tragic – and come to think of it, he _does_ actually grow the beard."

Then he came to stand between Kathryn and Chakotay, placing his hands on their shoulders to make his announcement. "So, we start afresh here. Now. I'll send the livelier one back and you can have this low maintenance one, now you've come to appreciate him. And then none of that other nonsense will need to happen."

Kathryn looked at Chakotay apologetically. He pursed his lips and said nothing.

Then Q cocked his head on one side and pointed at Chakotay junior. "Although, actually, if you prefer, you can keep this one; generosity has always been my weakness – I could always send the one with more miles on the clock back instead - just fix him up and wipe his memory a teeny bit."

 _Voyager'_ s first officer stood in stunned silence for a moment then all but shouted, "No one is keeping him here and sending me anywhere! I can't believe you're even entertaining the idea!"

His younger self put a hand on Chakotay's shoulder in reassurance. Then Chakotay junior looked at Kathryn for a long moment and smiled, "It's a tempting offer, but when I think about being able to go back to my life, to where my friends are still alive, there's just no comparison. I don't belong here. Not yet anyway. I'd rather meet Kathryn at the right time, in my future."

Then turning away from Janeway, he addressed Q. "Even if we're prepared to believe all this, it still doesn't answer the question as to why you left me here all this time? It's been months!"

Q actually looked a little sheepish. "Well, actually, I had planned to pick you up a while back, but, well, something came up with Junior."

"What do you mean, Q?" Kathryn pressed.

"I've been completely preoccupied by a most overwhelming experience of my own. Being the first ever parents in the continuum has been quite a challenge, you know." He moved away from the command team and paced up and down the living area of Kathryn's quarters as he recounted his trials. "It all started around about when he produced his first equation - such a proud moment for any father. Or it might have been when he changed the gravitational constant of his first universe – another wonderful moment. Anyway, after that it was harder to find someone to agree to watch him, when his mother and I needed time alone." He turned and addressed Janeway again. "You know how dangerous it is to neglect your relationship just because of the arrival of tiny feet?"

Chakotay junior was incredulous once more. "You left me here for over two months just because you couldn't find a baby sitter?"

Q shrugged.

Kathryn was determined to make him explain more. "But if it was you that brought Captain Chakotay here, why are we picking up signs of chronoton flux a few light years away now?"

Q dismissed her query with a nonchalant wave of his hand. "Oh, I just sent those over as I thought it might speed things up a bit if you thought he was about to disappear. And I was right, wasn't I?"

Chakotay immediately turned to fix his counterpart with a penetrating look. The younger man met his gaze then shrugged and looked down to study the carpet.

"Then the timeship isn't anywhere near here?" Janeway ran her hand through her hair. "Well, that's something at least. I'll admit I wasn't looking forward to another dressing down."

Chakotay junior looked up and directed his question at the omnipotent being, who was still pacing the room. "How come they didn't detect my presence and send me back?"

"Well, they would've spoiled my lovely plan, so I just put them out of the way for a while. I'll put them back as soon I've sent you back to the _Valhalla_ or whatever that miserable little ship of yours is called."

Voyager's first officer squared up to Q. "What have you done with _the Relativity_ , Q?"

"Oh, just put them somewhere nice and bright and festive to swing for a bit. Mr Quinn put your ship there and it didn't do you any harm, did it? After all, a Christmas tree doesn't just have to be for Christmas."

Kathryn summoned all her authority. "Put them back, Q!"

Q snapped his fingers and a tiny spaceship that looked exactly like the timeship _Relativity_ appeared, swinging on a golden thread from his middle finger.

"You should be grateful – they _really_ don't like you, Kathy. There's a whole job description in one department, dedicated to clearing up the mess you keep making. Anyway, I suppose they may end up with a bit of a backlog, but it serves them right. They're forever trying to spoil my fun trying to _keep time tidy!_ I mean, for goodness sake, what a ridiculous mission statement!"

Janeway was in his face, livid. "You're torturing them, Q! Restore them now!"

He took a step away from her, seemingly unimpressed. "Torture is such a subjective term, don't you agree?" and slipped the little ship into the pocket of his outlandish pink waist coat.

 _Voyager'_ s captain moved to put herself directly in Q's path. "I'm sorry to hear that your son chooses a role for himself in our future that you don't approve of, Q, but from what you've told us, I manage to get my crew home only a year from now, and I'm sure I speak for all of us here when I say that sounds pretty good. If you insist on changing everything now, then it could still take us decades to reach the Alpha Quadrant."

She came to stand next to Chakotay and placed her hand on his shoulder. "I know I speak for both of us when I say getting our crew back to their loved ones takes precedence over our personal lives. Surely you've seen enough of us over the years to understand that, Q?"

Q threw his hands up in the air. "Oh really? Haven't you learnt anything from what I've just told you? It's your self-important martyrdom that got us all into this mess to start with! Just claim him for yourself now and be done with it, woman! There's hundreds of ways to get this little ship home. You've already flown right past over fourteen wormholes that would've taken you straight back to your little ol' doorstep."

Janeway pinched the bridge of her nose and studied the floor. "Q, now you're tormenting _us_. We don't want to know about routes home we've failed to locate, unless you intend to help us this time."

"Oh, calm down, there'll be another one in, oh, about six months. And this time I'll show your lets-state-the-obvious Vulcan how to find it. It's really not hard. It'll leave you somewhere close to the planet the father of your mascot child comes from. " He began to digress again. "Hope his absent father reunion goes better than my last one. Q really doesn't appreciate that it's a question of quality not quantity when it comes to my input in Junior's upbringing."

Janeway and Chakotay locked eyes as they registered what he'd just said. _Voyager'_ s captain spoke, "So you'll give us the co-ordinates of this worm hole?"

"Already done. You can check with monotone elf-man, I've turned them back on."

"Janeway to Tuvok."

_"Yes, Captain?"_

"We have a visitor; Q. He claims to have given us some data that will help us locate a wormhole. Can you confirm that we've received any new transmissions in the past few minutes?"

_"Affirmative, Captain. We have received a set of co-ordinates. They are at a considerable distance, several months at high warp still."_

"Very good, Tuvok. I'll contact you presently. Janeway out."

Kathryn looked at Q for a few moments and then addressed him cautiously, "So you're really determined to do this? Change our timeline?"

"I am. And you of all people have no right to look at me so disapprovingly!" He moved over to stand under the viewport, and looked out at the passing stars. "I can't guarantee you'll get yourselves to the wormhole without getting yourself killed or something, that much is still up to you. But it really can't be worse than the other timeline." He turned back to gesture towards Chakotay junior. "So, I just need to send this one back and then I'll be on my merry way." He held out his hand, about to snap his fingers.

"Wait!" Chakotay junior spoke up, "I need to say goodbye." He looked at his older self and then at Kathryn, who coloured slightly and avoided the eyes of all three men present.

Q put his hands on his hips. "Oh, all right then, hurry up."

"In private," the Maquis stated firmly.

"Very well. The brothers Grimm can have a moment first, then you can have one last go with him, Kathy." He snapped his fingers and both Chakotays disappeared.

Janeway was alarmed. "Where are they, Q?"

"Don't fret. They're just next door in his oh-so-sparsely-decorated quarters - so very wilderness – I much prefer yours."

Q studied his fingernails. "How long shall we give them?"

[TBC]


	23. Chapter 23

First Officer's Quarters

The two men stood face to face, an almost mirror image, hands on hips, heads slightly dipped. Chakotay knew they would only have a few minutes.

The younger man spoke first. "It's strange to think I won't remember any of this."

Chakotay cocked his head to one side and smiled. "Shame you won't be able to make use of all those mental notes you made about _Voyager'_ s mission to capture our ship."

His younger self returned the smile. "If it had been possible, would you have wanted me to prevent all this from ever happening?"

There was a slight pause before the older man answered. "If you'd asked me before the massacre, I might have said yes. But with what I know now? Most of our crew would probably be dead or in prison if we'd stayed in the Alpha Quadrant, so that question is much harder to answer today."

"And you never would've met her."

The two men held each other's gaze.

"True."

The younger man put a hand on Chakotay's shoulder. "Tell her again how you feel. You've got all the incentive you need now. You know that eventually in that future, she did admit she has feelings for you."

Chakotay looked away. The younger man pressed on.

"I know you think it's me she's been interested in lately, but you're wrong. She only began to entertain the idea of being with me when she started to believe that we are the same man."

Chakotay looked long and hard at his younger self. "Kiss Sekaya for me."

The younger man's brow furrowed. "I will. Promise me you'll try with Kathryn."

Eventually Chakotay nodded the confirmation the younger man was after. "You won't remember me, but I'll miss you."

"I know. But you have friends here now. Good friends. And you've made a good life here. You have responsibility and respect. I'm proud of the man I become."

 _Voyager'_ s first officer looked at the younger man, eyes full. When he next spoke, his voice betrayed his concern. "Wish you could take back just some small pieces of future knowledge – I know you know what I mean."

The Maquis Captain drew in a breath and sighed. "I'll admit I'm struggling with that, yes. But that's the life I'm going back to. No one gets to pick and choose."

"No. We don't." They looked at each other in silence for a long moment, until Chakotay spoke. "See you in the spirit world."

The two men embraced.

As soon as they did, there was a bright flash and Chakotay disappeared and reappeared instantly in Janeway's quarters.

* * *

Captain's Quarters

Q stood in the middle of the room, directing like a conductor, using his oversized bow to point at them.

"Your turn, Kathy. This Qpid has other things to do, places to be. You've got five minutes. Don't start anything you can't finish."

Chakotay shot the omnipotent being a murderous look and Janeway barked, "Just do it, Q!"

Q snapped his fingers and Kathryn found herself in her first officer's quarters, facing the younger Chakotay.

He reached for her hand immediately, pulling her with him as he took a couple of steps back to lean against the edge of the standard issue table. She found herself standing between his thighs, his hands resting lightly on her hips.

Her gaze fell to the curve of his upper lip as she spoke. "We only have a few minutes."

His eyes twinkled and he leant in and brushed his lips tantalisingly gently against hers. "Five minutes, mmm?"

_God, the man was insufferable. Delicious, but insufferable._

Kathryn pushed him back, both hands on his chest. "That's not how we're spending these five minutes."

She felt his eyes sweeping over her face before he spoke again. "Your call, since he's going to wipe my memory and I won't remember this. Although I wonder whether my body will remember yours somehow, when I meet you in my future."

His warm hands were holding her hips firmly now. She forced her attention back to his words as he spoke again.

"Come to think of it though, if you don't want to do _that_ , maybe you should let me do the talking, given that you _will_ actually remember what I say?"

"Okay," she husked cautiously, "and just what exactly do you want to say?"

"Start again with Chakotay. Convince him you can still see him as a man. You heard what Q said. You need to claim what's already yours before someone else tries him on for size."

Kathryn huffed and poked his chest in response to that expression.

Undeterred he went on, "If we're to believe what Q said, you regret it when you deny your feelings in the future Q came to change. So, don't make that same mistake again. You have a second chance, or is it a third?" his grin was mischievous. "I got lost there somewhere along the way with his explanation about how many alternative futures you created."

Suitably chastised, Kathryn sighed, brushing invisible fluff from his shirt with her fingers as she spoke. "I did seem to be a little reckless in that timeline." Then she tilted her head to the side slightly and looked away. "All of this certainly has given me a lot to think about."

His hand came up and turned her chin towards him, forcing her to make eye contact again. "You can't tell me you don't want this. Before Q showed up, I don't think I was reading anything into that kiss that wasn't there."

He leant forward a little and pulled her closer so that she found herself flush against him again. "Can you honestly tell me Chakotay is the only one who would enjoy exploring the potential of this relationship?"

Her eyes were downcast and there was a pause before she replied. "No. I can't." She looked up.

"Then tell him that."

As they held each other's gaze, his hand reached round and tangled in her hair and gently clasped the back of her neck, guiding her mouth towards his. She didn't pull back. As their lips made contact he released her neck and a moment later she felt both of his hands slide round to firmly cup her backside. He opened her mouth with his and she couldn't help but respond to the overwhelming force of the connection between them.

Her hands moved up from his chest to either side of his face and she pulled him in to deepen the kiss. She couldn't believe she'd denied herself this for so very long. As her desire for more of his lips and more of his touch rose, all rational thought ceased.

Then, far too soon, he pulled his head back, breaking the kiss, his hands remaining where they were. He held her gaze for a moment before dipping his head close to her ear.

His voice came low, laced with unmistakable desire. "Because this is what's waiting for you next door. This and a whole lot more. Don't forget, I've only been thinking about what we could be together for a few weeks; he's been trying not to think about making love to you for almost six years. Trust me when I say you're going to need to really spell it out to him if you want to take things slowly."

He pulled back again and she looked into his almost black eyes. Her mouth curled into a crooked smile.

Suddenly there was a blinding flash and Kathryn turned in confusion as she found herself back in her quarters. Chakotay junior was a few steps away, eyes downcast, trying to compose himself.

Kathryn felt her cheeks flood with even more colour, as she realised both Q and Chakotay were watching her intently.

"Well, now that's all sorted out, get to it." Q waved the huge bow at Kathryn, directing her towards Chakotay. "You've wasted enough time already, I think that's clear to all of us now, even to you Kathy. And I'd say by now Chuckles here must be gagging for it."

 _Voyager'_ s captain summoned all her self-control, her voice steel.

"If you think we're just going to go at it like bunnies now you've made your little speech you're sorely mistaken."

One side of the corner of the mouth of both Chakotays twitched upwards, and both men looked down, studying the carpet intently.

Janeway was determined to regain some dignity here. "Just because you and your lady Q did the finger-joining thing in front of me doesn't mean we will be following your example. We aren't all such exhibitionists you know."

The first officer purposefully avoided his younger self's eyes and looked straight ahead, his expression neutral. Janeway narrowed her eyes and looked between the two men suspiciously.

Q seemed to become even more impatient with them. He brandished the oversized bow again, tucking the arrow under his arm to free one hand and announced, "This one has to go now." He snapped his fingers and Captain Chakotay disappeared.

"And now I must get back to the ball and chain. Oh, and I expect to be godfather, _obviously_. Goodbye Kathy, until next time."

A flash and he was gone.

Then there was another flash and just his head reappeared. Before either of them could react he was speaking again.

"And by the way, sort out that holodeck programme. Those painful holograms are about to cook up a plan to take Tom and Jerry hostage."

A pop, and he was gone. Finally.

[TBC]


	24. Chapter 24

They found themselves alone, standing in front of the viewport. Only a few steps separated them. Chakotay watched as Kathryn took a deep breath.

"Janeway to Tuvok."

The first officer dipped his head, smiling. He'd just been thinking she would deal with ship's business first.

 _"Tuvok here. We have been trying to contact you, Captain._ "

Kathryn clasped her hands together in front of her and turned away from Chakotay to face the viewport. "Our visitor has gone. For now."

_"The long range sensor readings that appeared to indicate a chronoton flux have ceased."_

"Yes, that makes sense. They weren't real, Tuvok. They were Q's doing. I want you to change course immediately. Head for the co-ordinates you received when we last spoke. I'll explain at the morning briefing."

_"Understood."_

She turned back to face into the room just as Chakotay looked up. He held her gaze while she continued her orders.

"And Tuvok, shut down the whole hologrid network immediately. I have it on pretty good authority that the Fair Haven programme is about to malfunction."

_"Very good, Captain. Tuvok out."_

Chakotay found himself unable to look away, despite a creeping sense of foreboding.

"So, here we are…" he began.

"Yes. Here we are." Her expression was unreadable.

He noticed now how flushed she still was. His mind started to wander to the events of the past hour and he closed his eyes for a split second to force his attention back to the woman in front of him.

"Drink?"

She nodded.

He made an executive decision and replicated them both a small cup of a rich, dark hot chocolate. "It's too late for coffee," he said, as he handed one to her.

"It's never too late for coffee." Her response came without the playful tone that would have usually accompanied it.

"Do sit." She gestured towards the sofa, "I don't think I can quite yet." She took a few small sips of the hot chocolate then put the cup down on the coffee table and stood erect in front of the viewport, clearly still charged with everything that had just been thrown at them.

Chakotay took a seat, shifting a little to try to make the shorts that he had been wearing in bed seem longer. They had ridden half way up his thighs when he'd sat down. He could feel her watching him before she spoke.

"Do you think everything he said about the future was true?"

"Some of it was pretty hard to believe," he offered quietly, looking up as he cradled the small cup.

" _Most_ of it was hard to believe. Ludicrous even." Her hand went to her forehead and she looked back out at the passing starscape. "He made it sound as if I was personally responsible for so much… so much chaos and…then the Borg - trying to assimilate Earth, he said, because of something _I_ did?"

"Q has been known to exaggerate to make a point, Kathryn," he replied immediately, concerned by the tone of her last comment. "For all we know he may have made up fifty per cent of it." He looked down at his cup for a moment."Or maybe I should say eighty-four per cent of it, Captain."

A tiny smile lifted the corner of Kathryn's mouth. "He was very hard on you, Chakotay. I'm so sorry he felt the need to try to humiliate you like that."

"Oh, I'll get over it. Q and I never exactly saw eye to eye anyway."

She turned and began to slowly pace the living area between the sofa and the dining table. "I'd like to believe he did invent most of it, because it seems very unlikely I would decide I had the right to change twenty-six years of history."

She pivoted on her heel and for a moment Chakotay was reminded of watching her dance hours ago – seemed like weeks ago now.

"I know I've had my fair share of run-ins with temporal security," she went on, "but those things he claimed I did, they were _far_ worse than anything I've done to date."

"I agree. Doing something as reckless as trying to change the whole timeline, that isn't like you."

"But once I'd changed the timeline it didn't even sound that bad, the way he described it. I got _Voyager_ home, next year, and I saved Seven from an early death, and…" Her voice trailed off and her hand went back to her forehead. For several moments she seemed to become lost in her thoughts.

Chakotay took over. "I believed him when he said he was determined to change the fate of his son – I can well imagine he'd be a rather controlling parent. And those events provided the motivation he needed to do all of this."

Kathryn was back with him. "And the rest of it?"

"With Q, it's anyone's guess." Chakotay sipped his drink then placed it down on the coffee table and sat back into the sofa.

Kathryn didn't reply, but held his gaze, her eyes full.

He sat up straighter and cocked his head on one side as he addressed her this time, his voice firm. "Kathryn, you can't start to feel guilty about things you might never even have done. Things you're certainly never going to do now."

She looked away for a moment, then turned back again, her eyes still full. "And what about the other things he said?"

"Like I said before, a lot of it was pretty hard to believe."

"Such as you eventually starting a relationship with Seven?" Kathryn seemed almost suspended in time as she stood looking at him, motionless, awaiting his reply.

"Yes." He held her gaze. "I still find that hard to believe. I… I don't think of her… like that." His mind flailed. What on earth would Kathryn think if he were indeed to take up with Seven. How it would make her feel? He found the courage to test her here a little. "And do you think it's true, that in that future, when I did, it caused you pain and regret?"

He watched her face as she spoke.

"No. Not true either." She was resolute. "I'm sure I'd accept it if Seven made you happy."

He let out the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding and it turned into a sigh. He knew she believed what she was saying. His voice lowered in pitch. "But she wouldn't."

He watched as a solitary tear spilled out and made its way slowly down her cheek. Her hand came up and she wiped it away.

"No." She continued to hold his gaze. "She wouldn't."

"Kathryn, I-"

She cut him off. "Before he left, Chakotay and I, we-"

"Don't."

"I need to tell you-"

"No, you don't." He was insistent.

"Did he…?"

"No, he didn't need to. I know what I was like then." Chakotay looked down. "I wouldn't have waited."

"It wasn't just-"

"Kathryn, stop." He still didn't look up. "There's only so much I… I'm sorry you had to lose what you'd found with him."

"I'm not sorry he's gone," she replied immediately.

His head came up and his eyes found hers again. Spirits, she looked beautiful this evening.

She took a small step towards him and just watched him for a moment before she spoke. "Thirty hours. Tuvok said he had thirty hours." The undisguised longing on her face almost caused him to look away. "Thirty hours. Do you remember?"

"Of course." It might be almost four years ago now, but did she really think he would have forgotten? "But-" he began.

Now she was the one to cut him off. "I already have so many regrets; I couldn't make him into another one."

"I understand." He followed her fingers as they toyed with the tiny pendant nestling just above her cleavage. He knew she was still watching his face.

"Do you _really_ understand?" She took another small step his way and paused. "Are you jealous?"

He waited a moment before he replied. Perhaps they really could be open with each other for once about how they felt? "I know I have no right to feel this way. But yes. I'm jealous."

"Of yourself?" She took another step.

"Yes."

She was standing right in front of him, fingers interlinked and clasped in front of her. Her husky voice was gravel and honey. "We didn't do anything you and I haven't already done, you know."

Chakotay felt his heart speed up, his eyes fixed on the lips that had just uttered those words. She'd never once referenced that kiss in over a year.

She went on. "Some of the other things Q said were hard to believe as well." He watched, transfixed, as her hand made its way slowly towards his face. She brushed his cheek with the backs of her cool fingers, and then she trailed them across the emerging stubble on his jaw. "Like you growing a beard, for example."

He looked up into her eyes, still mesmerised. Then he dared to reach for her other hand. As his fingers curled around hers he found his voice, although it came out lower than he expected. "Like us having only one night together before you died."

A shiver seemed to pass through her before she spoke. "Q was right. We can do better."

Gently, Chakotay pulled her a little closer. Then her hands were on his shoulders, before they slid in to rest on his skin, either side of his neck.

He placed his lightly on her hips, watching her face as she looked down at him and he savoured the feel of this gloriously unfamiliar position.

Then he forced himself to say what he needed to. "I can't be him again, Kathryn."

"I know." She was studying his mouth.

Her simple acknowledgment wasn't enough. How could he explain his deep-seated fear that he no longer possessed some of the qualities she had appreciated - and even desired - in his younger self? Some of those things had been casualties of this journey and were not easily recoverable. Others he had worked hard to change.

"Even if I wanted to, and actually, I don't."

She seemed to sense his doubts. "I didn't want him to stay." She touched his face again, her fingers learning the contours of his jaw and his cheekbone. "But I'm not going to apologise for what I felt for him." Chakotay found himself holding his breath again. She went on, "because he was you."

He heard her words, but he needed more. "I know you, Kathryn. You started to let things happen with him because you believed he was leaving. We're still in command together here. You're still responsible for my life."

"Yes, but things have changed." Her fingers were tracing the faded blue lines of his ancestors now, one by one, giving him a heightened awareness of the shape of the mark without which his face would seem empty to him now. He didn't want her to stop.

"We may get home in six months," she said, as one of her hands slid up into his hair. Her other hand slid down under the cotton of his t-shirt and her cool fingers trailed sparks across his collarbone.

He resisted the urge to press his face into her body and forced himself to speak. "The things you said last year on the holodeck - about how you felt when you let yourself imagine everything we could have… Do you still feel that way? Do you ever still imagine what we could have, Kathryn?"

She held his gaze and her wandering fingers stilled a moment. "I've tried not to."

"And now?" He couldn't help himself slide his hands up her back a little to pull her closer still.

She didn't resist, but instead both her hands came to rest on his shoulders again and she looked into his eyes. There was a pause before she spoke. "Six months. That isn't long."

"We could spend the next six months trying not to think about it," he offered.

Her fingers began to press firmly into the muscles of his shoulders. "We could," she confirmed.

It was heavenly - and distracting in the extreme - but he went on, "We could, but we'd fail."

She smiled. "Yes, I believe we would."

He returned her smile, feeling his grin spread as wide as a Cheshire cat's this time. "It may take me six months to make sense of everything Q claimed."

"Me too." Her fingers stilled and she was more serious now. "So, we do as Q says and we start again here, now."

He offered a continuation of her train of thought. "We don't conceal our feelings."

"We're honest with each other." Her fingers dug deeper into his shoulders now, releasing wonderful shocks of electricity down through the nerves of his back.

"So we should probably take things slowly." His hands left her back and rested on her waist.

Hers came around to his chest and one hand slid inside his t-shirt to caress his skin again. "Gradually get to know each other as more than friends and colleagues."

His fingers lightly moved up her sides. "We don't want to risk spoiling our friendship."

She leant down and pressed her lips to his temple. "What if we're not compatible?"

He skimmed the outside of her breasts.

She inhaled quickly. "The aftermath could be awkward," she said.

He looked up and watched her face again before he spoke. "You said before you wouldn't apologise for what you felt for him. So... how did you feel?"

"He tapped into my feelings for you."

Suddenly there wasn't enough oxygen in the room, but he managed to get the question out nevertheless, his voice impossibly low. "And?"

She looked down on him and husked, "And I wanted him."

Before he knew what he was doing he'd responded to her challenge. He stood, wrapping his arms around her. His mouth had found hers, silencing anything else she might have said.

She tasted the same as he remembered but this time there was chocolate and a hint of whiskey too. It made for an intoxicating cocktail. She responded with just as much force, reaching up to take his face in her hands.

He moved them across the room without breaking contact so that he could lean back against the dining table and in doing so bring himself down to her height. He allowed his hands to slide from her hips to cup her perfect, firm backside, and he felt those strong, slender fingers threading up into his hair.

It wasn't enough. He needed to feel all of her against his body. His hands slid down her thighs to find the hem of her dress. He drew the material up enough to allow him to lift her swiftly off the ground and bring her legs either side of his hips to straddle him as he perched on the edge of the table.

His head was now level with her breasts and it was incredibly arousing to have her looking down at him with such unguarded emotion, such evident desire. It was all he could do not to flip her over onto the table and divest her of her clothing right there.

Holding her up with one hand and moulding the other around the outside curve of her breast, he brought his hungry mouth down to kiss his way from her cleavage outwards. He heard her moan with pleasure and it sent a response through his body it was hard for either of them to ignore.

"Kathryn?" he managed, as he realised he had started this without any idea of how she felt about the speed at which it was already progressing.

She answered his question by sealing her mouth over his again, and pressing herself to him. He groaned into her mouth and slid his other hand back to her backside. He stood, lifting her with him, and carried her towards the bedroom.

[TBC]


	25. Chapter 25

Captain's Quarters: 06.15

Something had woken him up.

He half opened his eyes. It was Kathryn, of course, draped naked on top of him.

Idiot.

His eyelids fell shut again and he smiled. Perfectly content to serve as her mattress, Chakotay drew her slightly further across his body, took a deep breath and settled back to sleep.

[THE END]


End file.
